


Almost a Thousand Years

by A_Love_Song_She_Wrote



Category: Tales of Arcadia (Cartoons)
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Espionage, Hatred, Hurt/Comfort, I tried to keep the reader gender neutral for as much of the work as possible, Implied/Referenced Torture, Other, Pain, Slow Burn, Time Skips, but they're probably female presenting based on how they're treated by historical men, trademark
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:14:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 73,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26197690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Love_Song_She_Wrote/pseuds/A_Love_Song_She_Wrote
Summary: You’ve known Hisirdoux Casperan for almost a thousand years.  You’ve hated him for almost a thousand years.  And for almost a thousand years, you’ve been cursed to feel each others pain.  But somewhere in that time, things changed.(Extra warnings at the start of each chapter)
Relationships: Hisirdoux "Douxie" Casperan/Reader
Comments: 188
Kudos: 192





	1. 1100

**Author's Note:**

> So, this has been my brain baby for a while. As of current, I’m working on the eighth chapter, so there’s definitely more to come. I’ve worked really hard on it, and I’m super proud of myself for sticking with it (my attention span is real short, so this is a miracle.) Thank you so much for reading, you don’t know how much it means to me. Now, sit back, relax, and enjoy the fic.

“Douxie? Doux, come on, you’d better wake up right now. Wake up. Wake up! Douxie, don’t do this, please,” You begged, leaning over the body of your closest friend, and former worst enemy.

“Oh god,” you choked, “No, no, no, no, please… please don’t leave me,” There was silence, And then you began to sob. 

The voices of your friends rung out around you, but you were too tired to decipher what they said and too numb to care.

This couldn’t be happening. It just wasn’t possible. Hisirdoux Casperan had been in your life for almost as long as you could remember. There were times when he had been your life. There was no way he was just gone. But he was. And it was killing you on the inside. You’d been through a lot in the past nine-hundred-and-nineteen years. You’d lost friends, suffered wars, witnessed pandemics, and been tortured. You’d stayed strong through all of it, but this? Seeing your best friend, dead on the ground? This broke you.

There was once a time, long ago, when you would have celebrated. Centuries in the past, when you were young and naive, and so absolutely stupid. It was the beginning for you, and for him, and for this fic.

So, you tuned out your mourning friends and Archie’s sorrowful yowls, and you let yourself melt back into the past.

–

It was sometime in the twelfth century. 

King Arthur was on the throne, ruling his kingdom with an iron fist and a hatred for all magical beings.

And you were a witch.

This led to a childhood of abandonment issues, poverty, and self-hate. You, and everyone around you, thought you a freak; a monster. There is no need to say that you had a rather nasty upbringing. You’d experienced some of the worst things humanity had to offer, so the obvious next step was to turn against the humans and join the force set to destroy them.

When you were eight years old, you pledged allegiance to Gunmar, offering your services as a witch, and a spy.

Life with the Gumm-Gumms wasn’t much better than life on the streets, but at the very least you received some basic training where your magic was concerned. The more you practiced, the stronger you became, the better asset you were, the less likely your death was. It was simple enough. The knowledge that your strength was the only thing keeping you from dying a horrible death was a fantastic motivator, and it really helped you rise through the ranks of the Gumm-Gumm forces.

Maybe a little too far.

Eleven years after you’d joined Gunmar, he summoned you to the arena. You were in a panic, not knowing what he wanted, you just assumed that he wanted to kill you and you were absolutely going to die.

Upon entering the arena, however, you were not brutally murdered, which came as a bit of a shock to you. You had no time to process this, however, when the king troll spoke your name, calling you to the center of the arena. You walked to the middle of the gigantic stone room, kneeling on the cold floor before your master.

“You’ve done well for our kind (L/N),” he bellowed, “You’ve proven your loyalty time and time again,”

You could feel the eyes of hundreds of Gumm-Gumms focusing in on you. It wasn’t pleasant. Maybe you’d die after all.

Gunmar rose from his throne, “You support the cause. You know King Aurthur has wrongfully banished us from our homelands, imprisoned and executed our kind without reason,” 

You stood up straighter as the troll began to circle you, “Yes my lord,”

“Then you will have no problem with this task,”

“Anything you ask, my lord, it will be done,”

The troll made a sound that could have been a laugh. You weren’t sure, you were pretty busy trying not to do anything that could get you killed. Eleven years of allegiance were pretty good insurance, but there was no guarantee with the likes of Gunmar.

“You will act as our spy. Go to the king’s wizard, demand he take you in as an apprentice. There are whispers, rumors that the wretched magician is building a weapon that could destroy me,” there was that laugh again, “You will find out everything you can about this weapon and report back to me,”

“Yes, my lord,”

“Do not fail me (L/N). If you do not succeed, you already know your fate,”

You gulped, bowing to the king as he dismissed you. Your mission was effective immediately, you packed up your (very) few belongings and headed through the woods to the kingdom of Camelot, preparing yourself to destroy it from the inside.

–

It didn’t take too much to get into the palace. You were actually quite surprised at how little effort it took to convince Merlin to take you in as an apprentice. Getting him to trust you was a different matter.

And getting the other apprentice to trust you was a different matter on top of the first matter.

Merlin was cold to you, but you’d gathered that it was just his personality, but the other apprentice? He was quirky and kind to everyone else, but he treated you as if he already knew you were a Gumm-Gumm spy trying to steal vital information from his master. His familiar acted much the same.

Maybe it was something about how you behaved? You were used to the militaristic style of the Gumm-Gumms and Gunmar, who could kill you anytime he wanted if you messed up. 

You had no idea if that was the issue, or if this guy just had something against witches. What you did know, was that whatever his problem was, it was keeping you from getting any actual work done.

If you didn’t report anything to Gunmar soon, he’d probably kill you, so you decided that you needed to get this apprentice out of the way. You weren’t going to kill him, that would be too obvious. You were just going to go up to him and calmly ask what his problem was.

This did not go down well.

By the end of that interaction, you and Hisirdoux Casperan were both screaming at each other, his familiar, Archie, had scratched your shoulder, and no less than three bookshelves had been knocked over.

Your relationship did not improve from there.

You fought with the boy wizard almost daily, with similar amounts of destruction. It didn’t matter what it was whether it be his stupid man-bun, the colour you wore that day, his lute-playing, your fidgeting, or something even more trivial than that. The two of you would always find some way to yell at each other because of it.

And it was really starting to piss Merlin off.

On the bright side, it was a decent way to let off steam. The stress of being a spy was a lot to take, and yelling at someone really helped. The catharsis really helped your work ethic. You even managed to find out a little bit about Merlin’s weapon; an amulet of some kind.

Gunmar was pleased with your report.

With the exception of the constant fighting between you and Casperan, things were going pretty decently. You finally had a place to experiment with your magic and use it for a purpose other than warfare, Gunmar was satisfied and showed no signs of killing you, and the king’s sister, Morgana, had really taken you under her wing.

And then she fell off a cliff and died.

Things took a downward turn after that.

You’d returned to Camelot, everyone mourning the sister of the king when Casperan approached you.

“You have something to do with this,”

You panicked for a moment before you realized he had no way of knowing that you did indeed have something to do with this, “I don’t know what you mean,”

“You have something to do with this,” his tone was angrier, more accusatory. At his side, his familiar looked very concerned, “I don’t know what you did, but you are the reason Morgana is dead!”

“How dare you!” you cried. You knew that you were kind of the reason that the sorceress was dead. And you felt guilty about it. You hadn’t let yourself feel guilt in years. You hadn’t let yourself feel anything but fear in years. You were having a very hard time adjusting to the pit in your chest. Casperan was not helping.

“I dare because you can’t be real! You have to be a traitor, or a spy or something!”

“Oh really? How do you figure?”

“Douxie, stop,” Archie hissed. Neither of you listened.

“Nobody with your skillset strolls up to the palace and asks to be an apprentice, you’re strong enough to be a master wizard, but you still came here, and stole everyone’s focus, and then you did,” he struggled to figure out your exact motive was, “Something! Now Morgana is dead, and it’s your fault,”

If you weren’t actually a spy, you’d probably be offended. You’d also point out how he had next to no evidence of this. However, you were very much a spy, and you weren’t in the headspace to argue properly. Instead of taking down his argument bit by bit, you just went for what you thought would hurt the most.

“So you’re accusing me of murder because you’re jealous?” you scoffed, “Grow up! It isn’t my fault that I’m better at magic than you!”

It wasn’t your fault, the fear of instant death did that.

“Better at magic, eh? Well, let’s test that theory!” Casperan moved a hand to his wrist where his magic bracelet of magic sat. It glowed blue for a moment, showing spinning runes twisting into the form of a spell.

Then the blue light came at you.

You were more than a little shocked. The two of you would fight, yes, but it never got physical or magical. Your back collided with the wall, dragging the breath from your lungs and making you cough. 

Archie hissed, once again trying to get the both of you to calm down. It still didn’t work.

Casperan looked way too smug for someone who had only landed a hit with the element of surprise. You scowled at him, reaching for your own cuff. He wanted a fight? You’d give him one. 

Your magic shot itself at the wizard, suspending him high in the air before dropping him harshly.

This continued for a time, absolutely destroying the room you were in. The two of you probably would’ve fought for the rest of time had Merlin not barged in.

“What is the meaning of this!” He exclaimed, stopping both you and Casperan mid-spell.

“They started it!” you and your fellow apprentice pointed your fingers at each other.

“I don’t care who started it. I’ve had enough of your constant bickering! You have both taken this too far, and don’t-”

“But master!”

“But master me. Your fighting is disrupting the order of Camelot. I cannot allow this to continue a moment longer!”

Oh no. What did that mean exactly? Was he going to cast you back out onto the street? Kill you? Maybe that was for the best. If you were removed from the palace, Gunmar would kill you in ways Merlin had never dreamed of.

Maybe death by Merlin was the best outcome here.

So, you didn’t flinch when the master wizard raised his hands and spoke an incantation, painting the room in a green glow.

But you didn’t die.

Instead, a beam of light wove itself around your wrist, then around the wrist of the other apprentice. The beam glowed brighter, tying itself into knots before it, and the green glow of the room faded away.

“Master, what-”

“What did you do?” you stared down at your wrist, shaking slightly. You felt like you were going to be sick.

“An ancient binding spell. You will now feel every bit of each other’s pain. That should stop your pointless squabbling,”

“What!? For how long!?” you cried out, grabbing your wrist and backing away from both wizards.

“Forever. Now if you’ll excuse me,”

You didn’t even notice Merlin leave the room. You just focused on the patch of skin where the magic had encircled you, binding you to Casperan and sealing your fate.

There was no way Gunmar would let you live if he knew about this. You were compromised, it was as simple as that. If the troll king found out that you were bound to Merlin’s apprentice? And that said apprentice was already suspicious of you, and would absolutely use this connection to find out why you were really here? You were going to die so painfully.

And suddenly you couldn’t breathe. Your whole body shook slightly. Your ribs hurt, your throat felt like it was closing, you had to go. You didn’t even realize Casperan was talking, whether to you or his familiar, it didn’t matter. You just turned tail and ran from the room.

And you didn’t stop.

–

Merlin searched for you.

He wasn’t the only one.

A small search party of knights, plus Merlin, scoured the land looking for you, trying to find where you’d run to. 

It was Italy. You’d gone to Italy. And you planned to go further, running as far and fast as you were able.

Needless to say, they didn’t find you.

The only reason they knew you were alive was Hisirdoux. He wasn’t in immense pain, or in a vegetative state, or dead, so you had to be okay, wherever you were. The thought was comforting, not only to Merlin, who considered you his responsibility but to Hisirdoux, who felt a little guilty.

A little guilty in this context means extremely guilty. 

He felt responsible for your disappearance. He had wrongfully accused you, and you’d been punished for it. He felt a little bit guilty every time he tripped or otherwise hurt himself.

The search continued until the battle of Killahead, where Gunmar revealed your spy status, demanding your head on a pike and accusing you of betraying him. Hisirdoux stopped feeling so bad after that.

Instead, he was angry. He’d been right, and no one had believed him. You’d broken into his life, stolen the hearts of everyone he cared about, and none of them listened when he brought up how suspicious you were. He was full of resentment, not only for you but for himself. He should have tried harder to reveal you as a spy. He should have done something, anything, but he did nothing.

These thoughts tortured him on the inside, one day leading him to punch a wall, scaring the daylights out of Archie. The apprentice ignored the questions from his familiar, electing to stare down at his bruising hand and wondering if you felt that.

And even more than a thousand miles away, you did.


	2. 1200

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Minor pain mention, minor angst

A century later, you were still missing.

You’d decided to move to Greece, picking the sunniest place you could think of as a precaution to avoid any stray Gumm-Gumms who wanted to kill you.

You were also in a pretty good spot for avoiding the Crusades. 

On your little Greek island, the weather was warm. The ocean was one of the most beautiful things you’d ever seen. You stayed in a small cabin on the edge of a cliff, the view from there was so much better than anything you’d seen in the life you lived before. You’d wanted an escape, and this was it.

The cabin was where you practiced your magic. You brought more life to the plants and flowers around you, leaving their colours more vibrant than when you found them. You also used your skills to fight off whatever threats came your way, and you healed any cut or bruise you might have gained. Unfortunately, magic was not the best tool for healing, so you turned to human science.

‘Intrigued,’ was not a good enough word to describe what you. You adored science, almost preferring it to magic. The things the humans discovered were absolutely incredible. You practiced this too, running small tests on plant matter, and concocting remedies from herbs that grew on the island. It was pretty close to witchcraft after all. You learned absolutely everything you could, and when your small home had taught you everything it could, you made the tough choice to move on. 

It was a pity to leave the beautiful island, but the world had more to offer, and you had to take a hold of it.

For a few decades, you traveled, consuming as much knowledge as possible. You didn’t limit yourself to science, you studied the arts, maths, and literature. You were enchanted with all of the knowledge around you, and your goal was to learn all of it. But even the most skilled scientist couldn’t find a cure to the curse that took you.

You still felt bruises, cuts, and scrapes that weren’t yours. There were days when you were in so much pain, you questioned going all the way back to England to slap Casperan in the face. True, it would hurt you too, but it would be worth it just to feel the joy of slapping him.

–

Back in England, Hisirdoux had left the place where Camelot once stood. After Merlin’s departure, there wasn’t much for the boy wizard to do, so he floated around the country exploring, and practicing magic. And the lute.

He and Archie made quite the team, stopping evil where they could and simply enjoying the century when they weren’t needed. 

The two of them also searched for you. Douxie was still angry at your betrayal, and Archie just wanted to know why you’d done it. There were a few times when they’d come dangerously close to finding you but avoided the wizard and his familiar.

It was the century of calm before everyone’s favourite storm. 

The Black Plague.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, check out the tumblr


	3. 1300

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PLAGUE!!!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS ONE IS BIG SAD GUYS, minor character death, plague, fighting, blood, injury, enemies to lovers emphasis on enemies, reader gets called a wench by Douxie :(

Before the plague, a few things happened.

You were in Italy, learning all you could during the renaissance. It was a very exciting time for you, everything you were passionate about was reborn, and it felt like you were starting a new life with them. Maybe, in this life, you wouldn’t have to hide as much. You wouldn’t have to be a spy or a soldier to survive, you could just be as you were. You could walk in the dark without fear. You were full of hope for a brief and shining moment.

And then Hisirdoux Casperan found you.

You’d been in the market, purchasing a few things that you needed, as you do, when you caught a glimpse of a familiar familiar. 

So, you ran. Again.

It definitely wasn’t the best plan, seeing as you brought a lot of unwanted attention to yourself. That didn’t matter though, you just had to keep going. You made it all the way out of town before the first spell was cast. Blue magic, from him, hit you in the back, tripping you.

The unforgiving ground scratched up your hands, drawing blood and stinging your palms. Quickly, you got to your feet. Turning to face the apprentice, you saw him glaring at his own hands. You smirked, knowing that whatever he did to you, he’d feel himself. You took his distraction as an opportunity, casting a spell of your own, throwing him into a tree.

Then you winced, feeling the impact, and remembered that you’d feel whatever you did to him.

The wizard stood, raising his hands to attack you again, but a small black mass interrupted him, “Douxie! Stop this!”

“Aww, your cat knows I’ll kill you! How protective, how cute,”

“Shut up, wench!”

“Ooooh, emotional. Love that,”

Hisirdoux looked like he’d attack you again any second, but Archie stopped him again, not even allowing him to speak this time, “You were a spy for the Gumm-Gumm army, (Y/N), why?”

You felt a little bad at that. The familiar actually sounded hurt, which was a bit of a surprise for you. You’d assumed that everyone in Camelot jumped to hating you, you never considered that you’d hurt anyone, “I-I didn’t-”

“It doesn’t matter! The witch betrayed us, she betrayed Merlin!” 

“Douxie, please. Whatever you do, remember, you will also feel it,”

The wizard scowled and put down his fists, deciding that you weren’t worth the pain. You did the same, glaring at them both.

“You should leave,” you told them, “The people around here aren’t crazy about strangers,”

And with that, you walked away.

You didn’t wait to see if the wizard stuck around. You had to get home, pack up, and leave again. It wasn’t safe here anymore.

–

A few years later, you were in France. It was a beautiful country, really, full of rolling hills and stunning fields, breath-taking coasts, and awe-inspiring mountains. It was lovely, really.

Unfortunately, it was also the Hundred Years War, so literally everyone was fighting literally all the time, and you, of course, got caught up in it.

You had tried to avoid it, you really did. You’d wandered the countryside, trying your best to mind your own business, picking your way through a war-torn land and trying to admire the beauty in it at the same time

And then one afternoon, miles away from France, Douxie felt a sharp, intense pain in his arm. He stared down at his limbs, concerned that he’d hurt himself somehow, but there was nothing on his skin. He was fine. Which meant you weren’t.

And you were not, in fact, fine. You’d been stabbed. Fortunately, not anywhere too important, but it was still enough to kill you if you didn’t get help.

And you assumed no one would help. If Casperan felt this he was too far away to do anything, and he’d never help you, even if he could. No one else knew you existed, and it wasn’t like helping strangers was something everyone did. Even if it were popular, the people around you were too busy fighting. You had to face facts. You were going to die here.

It wasn’t pleasant, but the very least this was better than whatever Gunmar had planned for you.

You accepted your fate and stared at the sky, watching clouds float in and out of view. And then they got closer. You were confused for a moment before you realized that someone had picked you up. You tried to see the face of your savior, but all you could see was a metal helmet. The helmet of your savior faded away as you quickly lost consciousness.

You woke in a dim tent, lit only by lanterns and candles. The space smelled of herbs and old blood. In the corner of the tent was an older man, crouched over a wooden table, reading something. You sat up and looked down at your arm. It was well bandaged, sore still, but you would survive this wound.

“Good to see you’re awake,” the man said, not looking up from his book.

“What? Who are you?” 

“I am no one of consequence. But you? A youth such as yourself, unarmed in a battle? There is something peculiar about you, no doubt about that,”

You paused for a moment. He was right, you were peculiar, but hopefully, he hadn’t figured out just what was off about you.

“Why did you help me?”

“You’re a person, are you not? You were in trouble, were you not? It is my belief that every person who needs help should receive it,”

You could have laughed at that. This man was himself peculiar in his beliefs. You hadn’t met many humans with that particular mindset.

“How many people agree with that?”

“Enough of them to make the philosophy worth it,”

The man continued to shuffle around the tent, looking at books and messing with herbs. You did your best to stand. He turned to you.

“Good, you can stand,” he handed you a stack of books, which almost dropped immediately after receiving them, “Come! We have injured men to attend to and little time to do it!”

The doctor left the tent, and you followed.

And you kept following.

For the next few years, you apprenticed under the good doctor, not only learning more about medicine but about humans themselves. The more you worked with the doctor, the more people you met and healed, the more your admiration for man-kind grew. You had seen the worst of humanity, but now you saw its other side.

The doctor was an amazing mentor. He was strict, but not unkind, teaching you everything he knew. You still had your secrets. He never knew about your magic, and you never learned his name, but despite that, you made quite the team. The doctor was always there through the frustration of a tough patient, or the grief of losing someone you couldn’t save. He helped you navigate the world, something no one else had ever bothered to teach. The man was quite like a father to you.

And the both of you enjoyed that bond.

One day, after assisting a woman in the birth of her child, the doctor told you something you doubted he’d told anyone else.

“Have I ever told you about my wife young (Y/N)?”

“I don’t believe so, master,”

“She was so beautiful. Fearless and full of life. She was the one who believed in people. For years, I had my doubts about humanity. I healed for coin and profit. But she saw the world for what it really was, and she wanted to make it better. She made me want to make it better,”

“She sounds incredible,”

“She was,”

“If I may, where is your wife now, master?”

“She passed some years ago, child. I continue my practice in her name. One day I hope-” he looked out on the horizon, gazing at the rising sun, “I hope I can see her again,”

You raised a hand to his shoulder, “One day master, but not too soon. This world needs you a while longer,”

He placed a hand over yours, “I know. I hope she does too,”

“I’m sure she’s alright with waiting for you master,”

It inspired you, how their love lasted. How it inspired your mentor to be better. How he hoped to see her in the life after this one, and how she waited for him. You hoped that, maybe, you’d find a love like that for yourself one day.

–

Then the plague hit.

You and the doctor did everything in your power, but it wasn’t enough. The pandemic would be a pandemic no matter what you did.

You traveled from town to town, trying your best to ease people’s pain, but there was no cure. You also had to avoid contracting the plague yourself. Immortal or otherwise, the black death would still hurt, and might actually kill you. You were even more concerned for your mentor, a mortal, who was going on in years, becoming more fragile as the days went on. It didn’t stop him from trying to help the public, for their own benefit and in the name of his wife. You admired that.

And then he became infected.

You held him in your arms as he died, trying to hide your tears from the old man. Instead of crying, you did your best to make small talk with the doctor, a tactic he taught you to keep the patient’s mind from the pain. You never thought that he’d be the patient.

“Do you remember that woman, Master? The one without eyes? She had such humor about her. I hope she’s alright,” 

He only nodded. But there was a curiosity in his eyes. He had questions, and he wanted them answered before he left this world. He did not want small talk.

“My dear (Y/N),” he’d rasped, “Tell me, how have you stayed so young? It’s been years since I saved you from the battlefield, how do you retain your youth?” 

“It’s a story for another day, master,”

He sighed, “You should go, child. You could become infected if you stay here,”

“No, no, I can’t leave you,”

“I don’t want you to go through this,” he coughed, “Please, (Y/N),”

“No, no, no, there has to be something else I can do, I-”

“(Y/N)-”

“No,” the tears came harder as you let go of the man and lifted your hands, “I’m sorry I hid this from you,”

You began to chant softly, something you hadn’t done in years. Magic flew from your fingertips, a soft glow surrounded the doctor. You ignored his wide eyes and kept going, using every healing spell you could think of, praying that it would work.

It didn’t.

Your mentor grabbed your hand, “Thank you, my child. You’ve allowed me the chance to be your guide, your teacher, and now you’ve shown me magic. I will see my wife soon. Maybe someday, we will meet again, and I could introduce you to her”

“I’d love to meet her someday,” you whispered.

And then he was gone.

You buried him in a field of flowers.

And then you let yourself cry.

You wept for days, crying over a burning in your chest that you hadn’t felt since Morgana’s passing all those years ago. This was a loss unlike anything you’d ever known, and it hurt. You would gladly face a thousand more stab wounds, scratches, bruises, beatings, whatever before you felt this pain again. 

–

Across the country, Douxie your pain. 

It was odd, because Archie was fine, and apart from that he’d isolated himself. When people were dying left and right, it was better to live without attachments. The wizard suffered through the confusion for a few days before he realized; there was nothing wrong with him, something had happened to you.

Now don’t misunderstand, he didn’t actually care about you, but if you were hurt he would feel it, and he wasn’t in the mood to experience unnecessary pain. Oh god, what if you had the plague? He didn’t care, but if you had the plague, you’d probably die, and if you died you might take him with you. That, or he’d lose one of his few remaining attachments to Camelot. Not that he cared about you or anything, just himself, Archie, and the last of Camelot. Not you. Totally not.

He didn’t care so much, that he tracked you down to make sure you weren’t dead.

But that might have been a bad decision considering the two of you were enemies and you were mourning the loss of your father figure.

When he found you, you were sitting alone in a field of flowers, staring into space, looking out at the horizon. He cleared his throat to get your attention.

“What are you doing here!?” You barked, moving to face the wizard. He took note of the black you wore, of your voice, sharp with anger and rough from crying. Maybe you weren’t physically hurt after all.

“I felt something on your end, I wanted to make sure you hadn’t done anything stupid,”

“Well, I’m fine, so why don’t you just leave me alone?”

Hisirdoux turned to leave when he noticed Archie pawing at something at the edge of the field. A doctor’s mask.

“(Y/N)?”

“What!?”

“You haven’t been treating plague patients, have you?”

“Why does it matter to you,”

He picked up the mask and spun around to face you, “If you get the plague, I feel it! If you die I feel it! I don’t want to-”

“Oh what, so I’m supposed to stop helping people because you’re afraid of a little pain? You’re a coward Casperan!”

“And you’re a fool! Since when do you care about helping people, anyway? You were happy to betray Camelot!”

“I’ve cared for a long time now, apprentice,” you spat, “And betrayal wasn’t my choice!”

“Wasn’t it?”

You grit your teeth. Glaring at the ground, you wondered what your master would think of Casperan. It didn’t matter. He was gone.

“Get away from me,”

“What?”

“I said GET AWAY!” You screamed, flinging a spell at your opponent.

He hit the ground hard. Both of you cried out in pain.

“This is pointless,” you said, tears falling again. A fight with Casperan was not what you needed right now.

“What aren’t you understanding,” Hisirdoux said, getting to his feet, “If you die from the plague, you could kill us both!”

“I would die gladly if it killed you,”

Those words hurt like nothing else. Douxie didn’t even like you and yet it still stung. 

Your vicious attitude hurt you too. You knew, deep down, you hadn’t really meant that. You were beginning to realize that everything and everyone you loved would fade with time, and at the end of it, Hisirdoux would be the only thing left. You still hated him though.

Behind him, Archie hissed, “Douxie, we should go,”

“Fine,” the wizard said, dropping the mask, “Good luck staying alive,”

You both burned with rage as Casperan left with his familiar, not caring that he hadn’t learned what caused you such pain.

And when they were gone, you cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks dears, check the tumblr


	4. 1400

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jeff goldblum

A century later, you were still recovering from your loss.

You had continued your work as a doctor in the name of your mentor, and in the eyes of every person you healed, you saw him. You lived by his mantra, helping everyone who needed it. There were always those you couldn’t save, but you did everything in your power, always. You hoped you were making the good doctor proud, wherever he was. 

You still felt a little guilty about the things you’d said to Hisirdoux. They had been in anger, and while you hated him, you didn’t exactly wish him dead, at least not by way of curse-shared plague. He was the last link to your past, after all.

Douxie had not forgiven you. He made this clear anytime the two of you happened to find each other by fighting you on sight. He was a little harder to beat considering his new magic bracelet. You really needed one of those. 

The fighting got so bad that you were both straight up banned from two cities, and weren’t allowed within fifty feet of each other in five others. It would have been funny if the hate that ran between you wasn’t so passionate and violent. 

Despite your grief, regret, and rivalry, you kept living. You didn’t only heal and research medicine, but you studied art and literature. You had more time for other interests after the plague died out. Fortunately, you’d never contracted it, and neither had Hisirdoux.

He’d continued with his life as well, traveling, learning music, practicing magic, and trying to satisfy Archie’s cravings for fish. He also made time to complete some various tasks that Merlin had asked of him.

That didn’t always go well. Sometimes he got hurt finding, protecting, or cleaning whatever valuable object Merlin had left behind, and when he did, you felt it. You cursed his name every single time. He usually just winced, but the thought that you had to feel this too made him laugh, just a little.

It sounds harsh, but you did the same thing every time you got a papercut.

Somehow, you both found time to keep track of other immortals, Reeves, Hiddleston, Goldblum, Hozier-Byrne, Welch, the works. You never checked up on them together though. 

Among the other immortals, your feud was famous. There was a pact among them to keep you separate for as long as possible, otherwise, your fighting would cause excessive property damage, and none of them wanted to deal with that. There was also a bet running between them. They’d gambled possessions, wealth, and art, all of them trying to call when and if you and the wizard would drop the act and get together. As the all-seeing god of this universe, I can tell you Goldblum was the closest to winning the bet.

It was a good hundred-year break after all of the emotion the last century had carried with it. For a moment, the world was quiet. For a hundred years, there was nothing to worry about other than when you’d see that blasted wizard again. Hopefully, the next century would be more of the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading lovelies, please check out the tumblr


	5. 1500

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Henry VIII sucks, let's talk about it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Henry VIII, plague mention, mild pain

And it was more of the same!

You learned, read, and grew as a person. You even took a new interest in politics, though it would have been hard not to.

King Henry VIII was on the throne, and so far, he had been through four wives. Four. Wives. That was absolutely unheard of! 

You’d returned to England to witness the drama first hand, taking a job as a physician and soon you found yourself swept up in the world of nobility. You healed everyone you could manage, and you had to admit, it was easier with noble patronage. 

Though, their world was real strange. There were so many rules, everything was so foreign and so odd. What’s more, you’d heard gossip of what exactly happened in the king’s court. The way he treated those four wives of his made you sick.

You couldn’t express those thoughts though. The nobles around you didn’t see you as an equal, they saw you as a servant who they could gossip too or around. They didn't value your opinion on anything but aching muscles and childbirth. Even if they did listen to what you had to say, you might find yourself imprisoned or killed for speaking out against the king. It was all crap, all the time.

You eventually got the chance to speak your mind, but it was not what you expected.

At a party in the late summer, you found yourself in a courtyard. You’d left the soiree for some fresh air when you saw a familiar face.

“Casperan!?” 

“(Y/N)!?”

The wizard raised his hands, but you were quick to grab his wrists and cover his mouth with your other hand.

“Keep quiet. If the nobles hear or see us using magic, they might kill us,”

“Why should I listen to you?” He asked, voice muffled by your hand.

“Because I’ve been dealing with these types for years. They are almost unanimously horrible people,”

“Fine,” he relented, and you took your hand from his mouth, “So, why are you here? I thought your deal was helping anyone who needed it, not just those with wealth and power,”

“Well, yeah, I'm still doing that, but helping everyone is a lot easier with a patron,” you pointed to the large estate that housed the large crowd.

Hisirdoux nodded and turned to walk away.

“Wait, why are you here? And where’s Archie?”

“I’m searching for a document that Merlin lost a few centuries ago,”

“And why do you think it’s here?”

“I’ve done my research,”

“I’m here, by the way,”

You nearly jumped out of your skin when Archie spoke. His small dark body was hidden in the night, but now that he was moving around, you could see his outline.

“Oh. Hey, Arch, nice to see you”

“Greetings,”

An awkward silence hung in the air, only punctuated by the sounds of the party inside the mansion. Archie found a bug to chase, leaving you and the wizard alone.

“So, have you heard about the King?”

“What?”

“King Henry, have you heard about him? The wives, the adultery?”

“What, why? Where did this come from (Y/N)?”

“Casperan, I despise you, but you are the only being I know with no reason to report me for speaking out against the king. I’m not wasting the opportunity to talk about what an awful man the king is,”

“And why wouldn’t I report you?”

“If they torture me, they torture you. If they kill me, they kill you. Judging by the little spat we had during the plague, I assume you don’t want me dead,”

He paused, trying to counter your argument. He couldn’t, “Point taken,”

“So, the king, the disgusting little man, he-”

You continued on for an hour. And Douxie listened the entire time. His eyes were wide and focused on you. He hadn’t really kept track of politics in the past few decades, but your words had him entranced. Your opinions didn’t matter to the nobility, but they mattered to him. Your view of the world was so fascinating, and he couldn’t help but care about what you had to say. He also couldn’t help but notice how attractive you were when you weren’t trying to kill him. He hoped you didn't notice him noticing that though.

You noticed. It took most of the hour, but in the last fifteen minutes, you realized his eyes had never left your face. He leaned toward you slightly and asked questions if he didn’t understand something. And suddenly, you felt like you mattered to someone. Even if he was technically an enemy, his attention, his focus, made you feel like what you had to say was important. You may have hated each other, but at least he treated you like an equal. The rest of the time you were and would be enemies, but that night, you were on equal ground. And for once, you got the chance to see his eyes filled with something other than hate. You’d never realized how nice they were.

At some point, Archie had come over and laid his head on your lap, purring while you absent-mindedly scratched behind his ears. 

It was a beautiful moment, just one in a million, where you knew you could relax, and you didn't have to keep on your guard.

And then your work called you back to reality.

“(Y/N)! There you are!”

A slightly drunk noblewoman stumbled towards you through the garden, “The lord’s ‘ad a bit too much to drink, and his wife‘s called for your aid, come quick!”

“One moment!” you called, and the noblewoman nodded and stumbled back into the building. 

You turned back to Douxie, “So, after this, we’re enemies again? At each other's throats for the rest of time?”

“For the foreseeable future? Yes,”

You laughed a little, moving Archie from your lap and standing, “Until then, Casperan,”

He watched you walk off, Archie rubbing against his leg. He was about to stand and leave when you turned back to him, “And Casperan?”

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry. For what I said during the plague, I-”

“(Y/N)?”

You stopped talking.

“I know,”

In 1581, things started to get messy. 

The nobility, a class which you had frequented throughout the century, began to question ‘witches,’ regular people who fell outside the norms of society. It made you feel awful, but there was nothing you could do without revealing yourself as a witch. Instead, you fled to Asia before things got too bad.

You wished you could talk to someone about this, but Douxie, the only other being who knew what you were going through, was nowhere to be found.

Then you felt the pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading, check the tumblr


	6. 1600

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WITCH TRIALS AND ANGST

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANGST, WITCH TRIALS AND TORTURE (nothing too graphic, and there’s fluff after, but still, WARNING)
> 
> also, if you guess what play you're reading you get an internet high-five

The pain was beyond intense. 

It was worse than anything you’d ever known before, an agony burning through you, making you long for the sweet release of death. You were brought to tears multiple nights in a row. You couldn’t imagine what this felt like first hand. And then you realized that this wasn’t your pain. It was Douxie’s.

That thought sent you into a panic. Casperan had been in your life longer than anyone. You didn’t like him, but the thought of him suffering was enough to make you sick.

And if you were hurting, you couldn’t imagine what he was feeling. You had to help him.

So, you pushed through the pain, making your way back to Europe. Every step was hell, but you couldn’t stop; Douxie needed your help. You couldn’t just leave him.

You told yourself it was because of the bond. The link between you that forced his pain on you and yours on him. But you knew deep down that something had changed. After that night in the courtyard, you’d stopped hating him as much. One could even say you’d stopped hating him.

But there was no time for emotional pondering now, you had a wizard to find.

You started searching as soon as you crossed the border, and slowly, you put the pieces together. The people were still ‘hunting’ ‘witches.’ The nobility, whose homes and parties you’d once frequented, had put themselves in charge of murdering those they thought to be like you. And somehow, Douxie had been caught.

You had no idea how he did it, but somehow, that fool of a boy had gotten himself captured, and probably tortured if the pain was anything to go by.

You did your best to track him down, moving as fast as you could through small towns and bigger cities. You were getting more frustrated as the days went on, and you could feel Douxie getting closer to death.

You couldn’t let that happen.

You were in a small town when it started to break you.

The pain was indescribable, making you numb in some places and slicing through you in others. You knew it was worse for Douxie, but no matter how hard you looked, you couldn’t find him. The possibility of his end was growing, and the thought of losing the last bit of your past was killing you. It was too much. Everything was too much. One night you just sat down in the middle of the road and cried for forty minutes. Then your luck changed.

“(Y/N)?” It was a familiar voice. Not the one you longed to hear, but the next best thing.

“Archie? Archie!” You turned to face Douxie’s familiar. Never before had you been so happy to see the black cat/dragon.

“(Y/N), what are you-”

“Douxie’s in trouble, do you know where he is?”

“A-are you sure you want to help? I know you don’t have the best relationship with-”

“I know, I know, but that doesn’t mean I’ll just let him die. Besides, what hurts him hurts me, remember?”

“Alright,” the familiar nodded, “He’s this way, come on,”

You followed the shapeshifter into the night, moving around trees and over small ravines until you came to a small fort. Men in armor stood around the wooden walls. You could feel Douxie’s presence. He was in there.

“Okay,” you whispered to the cat beside you, “What’s the plan here, we need a plan,”

“I could distract the guards while you sneak in?”

“I like that, it’s a good plan. You sure you’re okay being bait?”

“For Douxie? Anything,”

You turned to the cat for a moment, “I admire your bravery and loyalty Arch,”

“Thanks,”

With that, Archie lept out from your hiding space, strutted his way over to the guards, and from the looks of it, tried to engage them in intellectual conversation. 

Once Archie and the guards had run off into the woods, you crept over to the base, using magic to open the doors.

The base was larger on the inside; filled with buildings and other structures where they could be keeping the wizard. You panicked for a second. You didn’t know how much time Archie would buy you, so you had to be fast.

So you ran. 

You moved as fast as you could from structure to structure, looking through windows and opening doors, searching desperately for your old enemy. You wanted to find him so bad that you didn’t even consider what exactly you would find.

Towards the back of the fort, you tore open a door. And you found him.

He was chained to a wall, his arms above his head, his shirt discarded god knows where. His chest was covered in blood, marred with cuts, bruises, and lashes. There was a cut across his face and a few slashes on his legs. It looked bad, and if your medical expertise was anything to go by, you knew it was worse than it appeared.

But you didn’t have time to stare, you had to go, now. 

You crossed the room, reached above Douxie’s head, and unchained him with a bit of magic. His limp form fell onto you, and you only just caught him. You steadied yourself, throwing one of his arms around your shoulder and leading him out of the building.

The guards weren’t back yet, but there were a few people up and about the settlement, roused from their sleep by the noise of the guards. You would have to sneak out.

You tried to tell yourself that this wouldn’t be a problem, but the pain encompassing you and the weight of the unconscious boy said otherwise. Still, you had to try. 

You made your way through the fort, hiding around corners and behind barrels. You held your breath as random citizens walked past your hiding spot, completely unaware of the dungeon break that occurred right under their noses.

You were almost out when you heard a cry from behind you, “Stop! Witch!”

There was no more time for hiding, only running.

You threw Douxie over your shoulders and bolted, moving as fast as you could despite the pain you were in and the wizard on your back.

You’d just made it out of the fort when the man and some other villagers caught up to you. You placed Douxie on the ground, raising your hands. This time, ironically, to protect the apprentice rather than hurt him.

“Let us go!” you cried, “Let us leave, and no one gets hurt,”

“Witch!”

“Hang them!”

“Please, I don’t want to hurt anyone!”

The people very obviously weren’t listening, and you took a step back as they began to advance, eyes widening as a man in the crowd leveled a rifle at your chest.

It didn’t look like there was a choice here. You had to fight. You took a deep breath, preparing to send a wave of magic at the mob, but you didn’t have the time. A blue glow overtook the crowd, and one by one, the people fell to the dirt, all of them asleep.

Your eyes widened at the magic before you. You recognized that light. You turned to look at the wizard behind you. He was propped up on one arm, the other outstretched towards the mass of sleeping people. His eyes were glowing a bright blue. It was beautiful, but you knew that this was killing him. The light faded, and the wizard fell, his head hitting the ground before you had time to help him.

You couldn’t let yourself think. You had to act. You moved a hand to his wrist, checking for a pulse. You could’ve cried when you found it. It was faint, but definitely there. You moved on, examining the gashes across his body. This was bad. You needed to get him somewhere safe where you could treat him, and you had to do it fast, but for the moment, you could only tear your sleeves and use them to stay the bleeding. 

It felt like an eternity before Archie returned. As much as you knew they deserved one, there was no time for a reunion. 

“Arch, you have to help me get him back to the road, I have a room in an inn near there,”

“Will do,” 

Together you and the cat, who had taken the shape of a bear to help you better, stumbled back to the inn, always mindful of the injured wizard between you.

“Arch, how did this happen?” Your voice shook, and you were only a few seconds from lying down in the middle of the road and hyperventilating. Hopefully, talking would help.

“We-we were releasing a creature Merlin had once trapped, it was one of the things Merlin told him to do, it-it started attacking people and I just- Douxie tried to fight the thing off, but the townsfolk grabbed him and-and there was nothing I could do,”

Talking did not work. Instead, your heart just broke for the familiar. You’d never heard his voice shake so bad, and you couldn’t imagine how much it must hurt to see his wizard like this. For a moment, you wondered if Archie was feeling the same way you felt when the doctor died from the plague all those centuries ago. You wondered if Douxie felt the same way you did now all those years ago. You wondered if the same fear and anxiety coursed through his veins. The thought dissolved from your mind as the inn came into view.

“Okay,” you whispered, “You go around the back. If people see me with a bloody wizard and a bear they’ll have questions,”

“Understood,”

You made your way back into your room without anyone noticing the blood on your clothes, your ripped sleeves, and your slight limp; a stroke of luck for which you thanked any and all higher beings.

Once inside, you ran over to the window and helped Archie get the wizard into your room and onto the bed.

“Ok, ok, ok, I’m going to need water and some rags, can you find some for me?”

“I’m on it,” the familiar’s eyes lingered on Douxie’s body for a moment before he jumped out the window and ran into the night.

This left you alone to prepare your things. And stare at the body on your bed.

He seemed so small. You desperately wanted him to wake up, and talk to you, and tell you that he was okay, but you were the only person who could make that happen. You went to work immediately.

It was a blur of everything you had learned, and everything you knew. In the past five-hundred years, you’d had enough experience to call yourself a decent doctor, but it was different when you were treating him. Your hands had never shaken this much, your breath never came so fast. You hadn’t been this close to tears while treating someone since your old mentor passed. Maybe it was because you could feel his pain. Maybe it was because he mattered a little more to you than any patient you’d had before.

You barely noticed when Archie returned, but the supplies he brought with him sped up the process. You weren’t actually sure how he managed to get a bucket of water, but you were not about to question it. 

You were maybe halfway through when you realized there was one gash you wouldn't stop bleeding. You bit your lip, knowing what you had to do, or rather, ask Archie to do.

"Arch? I completely understand if you don't want to do this, but you are the best choice,"

"What is it? I'll do it,"

"This wound won't stop bleeding, and I-" you took a shaky breath, "I need you to cauterize the wound,"

"How do I-"

"Breathe fire on it. I understand if you don't-"

"No, I'll do it," the familiar whispered an apology to the boy before exhaling a bright red flame.

You couldn't tell who cried out, but someone's scream pierced the night air. You covered your mouth, feeling the tears slip down your cheeks. As soon as Archie was done, you took over.

"Thank you, Arch, you did amazing,"

"Just save him, please,"

The familiar's defeated tone saddened you, but the only thing you could do was your job. So, you did what you were best at. You saved his life

It seemed like forever, but eventually, the boy was bandaged up. You could see the sun coming over the horizon out your window. You were proud of your work, but as the adrenaline left your body, you really just wanted a nap.

“Arch?” you said, your voice weak with the need for sleep, “Can you-”

“I’ll watch him,”

“Thank you,” you whispered, before passing out on the nearest comfortable object (the floor.)

Douxie slept for two days.

In this time, you barely left your room. You spent almost every hour of those two days watching him. Archie did the same.

Turns out familiars make excellent company.

When he woke, you were reading out loud so Archie could hear.

“Is he not approved in the height a villain, that hath  
slandered, scorned, dishonored my kinswoman? Oh, that I  
were a man! What, bear her in hand until they come to take  
hands and then, with public accusation, uncovered  
slander, unmitigated rancor—O God, that I were a man! I  
would eat his heart in the marketplace,”

“I hope that’s not about me,” his voice was fragile, but it was there and that was all that mattered.

“Douxie!” both you and Arch exclaimed, your synchronisation was something the wizard reminded himself to ask about later. For now, he had to make jokes at the expense of your book.

“Also, I can’t remember doing anything of that sort to your kinswoman-”

“Shut up,” you tried to sound angry, but your voice held no malice, you were just glad to see him awake. And alive.

Archie pounced on his wizard’s chest, also glad to see him moving and speaking again, “Douxie, my dear boy, how are you feeling?”

“Sore, but I’m alive, so that’s good I guess,”

“It is, you aren’t about to die and take me with you anymore. Do you need anything? Water?”

“I’m okay, thanks (Y/N),”

You nodded, the air of the room suddenly strained as all hell, “So, uh, I’ll let you two,” you gestured at them vaguely, then the door, “I’ll just… go,”

“No, wait, stay. I want answers,”

“Oh, I’m sure Archie can-”

“I want answers from you,”

You sighed, “Fine. If that’s what you want, I can manage being in the same room as you for a little bit,”

You hadn’t anticipated how awkward things would be once Douxie woke up. You’d been too consumed with anxiety about whether or not he would wake up. You hadn’t realized how hard it would be to hate the injured wizard after he woke either, but now, he was awake, and you had to answer the questions of your enemy.

“Why did you save me? And where did you go? They’re hunting witches everywhere, mostly targeting people like you,”

“Like me?”

“Healers, women, anyone who lives outside of what they think is ordinary, and (Y/N), you are anything but ordinary. Where were you?”

“I ran to Asia as soon as things went south. I thought you were smart enough to do the same, if I knew you were still here I-” you hesitated, not wanting to acknowledge the fact that if you knew Douxie was still in danger, you would have stayed, “I would’ve come all the way back in just to yell at you. You put us both in danger by staying here, you know?”

“Well, that explains things. Sorry, by the way. I never thought that this would happen,”

You nodded again, silently cursing him for being sorry. He was your enemy, he was supposed to relish in your pain and discomfort. And was that his only question? God, please let that be his only question-

“Why did you save me?”

“What?”

“We’re enemies. Whenever we’re in the same space, we try to kill each other. We fought so much, we pissed Merlin off to the point of cursing us. Why did you save me?”

You didn’t want to answer. Or, at least, you didn’t want to answer truthfully. In five centuries, very few people had treated you decently. Few people had taken what you had to say seriously, most waved you off as a simple child who hadn’t figured out how the world works. Douxie, despite your constant fighting, treated you like a person, a fellow practitioner of magic, and he respected your choice to study medicine (except for that one time during the plague, but you’d since forgiven him for that.) 

You loved humanity, but you had to admit, there were very few people who didn’t treat you like a child, or a lesser being. Douxie treated you like an equal. And you loved it.

He was also the last reminder of your past, of the life you’d lived and the place you started. The wizard and his familiar had been around for so much of your life. You couldn’t lose that. You couldn’t lose him.

That’s why you saved him; because you knew losing him would destroy some part of you that you wanted to keep around. You knew that you would miss seeing his face every few centuries, miss the banter and the fighting, and everything he had to offer. You saved him because if you hadn’t, you would miss him.

But that isn’t what you said.

You just told him that you didn’t know what would happen to you if he died. 

It was true, but it wasn’t the reason you saved him.

Douxie looked satisfied with your answer. He wasn’t.

If he looked into your eyes, he could see that there was more. He hadn’t expected you to save him. He hadn’t expected anyone to save him. Maybe Archie would try, but there was only so much the familiar could do. When he woke up to your voice, when he opened his eyes and saw your face, he thought he had died and gone to heaven. But he was alive, and he had you to thank for that. He just couldn’t figure out why. You hated him, trying to kill him every time you saw him, with the exception of that night in the courtyard. Why did you risk your life and save him? Why, after you told him three hundred years ago that you would die if you knew it would kill him? Why, after you’d spent years battling each other? And why did he care so much?

“Hey, Casperan?”

“Yes?” he dreaded whatever it was you were about to ask. He was too lost in thought to deal with anymore pressing questions.

“What were you doing? When they caught you?”

That wasn’t too bad. Still, he had to ask, “Why?”

“Hey, the last time I put myself in moderate danger you tracked me down and yelled at me for five minutes. You got tortured. I deserve an explanation. A full one, and no crap,”

“Didn’t Archie tell you?”

“He gave me the basics, but I want details,”

He hesitated a moment longer.

“Now Casperan,” you paused, “Unless you’re-”

“No, it’s okay. I was taking care of something Merlin asked me to do before he left. He wanted me to free a beast he’d trapped centuries ago, he said something about letting it out before the twentieth century, so I thought I’d get it out of the way now but,” he took a shaky breath. He could almost see these events playing out before him, “It didn’t- I didn’t think it would start attacking people. I had to fix it, I had to protect those people, but when they saw my magic they-”

You put a hand on his shoulder, “It’s okay. You don’t have to say it,”

“Thank you,”

You withdrew your hand, thinking for a moment, “Why did Merlin ask you to free that creature? He must’ve known what it would do,”

“Merlin has his reasons. I trust him,”

“That’s sweet Hisirdoux, it really is, but why do you trust him again? He did some pretty questionable stuff if I remember correctly,”

“Says the spy,”

“Shut up, Casperan, you know what I mean. Why do you have so much respect for that guy?”

“Because he saved my life,”  
You paused, eyebrows raised. You hadn’t thought Merlin was capable of such kindness, “Go on,”

“Before I was an apprentice, I did small magic scams on the streets. One day, I got caught. I would’ve been executed if not for Merlin taking me in. He’s my mentor (Y/N). He’s an incredible wizard, and if sweeping floors and fighting monsters is what it takes to be anything like him I’ll do it,”

“You wanna be like him? Sorry to break it to you Casperan, but you’re already the better wizard. You have compassion for other living beings,”

You stood up, heading out of the room. There was only one thing left to say.

“Oh, and Douxie?”

“Yeah?”

“Never get tortured again,”

He laughed at that, “I’ll do my best,”

The three of you spent a few more days at the inn. You finished reading your play. After you finished, you gave it to Douxie. Partially because Archie had enjoyed it a lot, and partially because you wondered what the wizard would think. You hoped he’d like it. If he didn’t it would give the two of you something else to fight over.

You weren’t ready for the pain in your chest when you parted ways. You didn’t think it would hurt to watch him leave. But you both had to go, and so you did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorrrrrryyyyyyyyyyy
> 
> (pls check the tumblr)


	7. 1700/1800

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> let's catch: Jack the Ripper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jack the ripper, reader is called a whore and a wench, this is so long lol

You hid away for most of the eighteenth century.

You healed when you could, but what happened to Douxie scared you a little more than you’d like to admit.

So you hid.

You found ways to entertain yourself. You read more, painted a little, continued your medical practice, and learned more about medicine whenever the knowledge became available. You continued to keep tabs on other immortals. It was pretty boring except for that time the Americans revolted. You had to admit it was fun to keep tabs on the scrappy rebellion. You couldn’t say it out loud as you still lived in England, but you gave a little cheer every time they fought off the British. You didn’t like authority. Neither did they.

On the other side of the continent, Douxie did the same things he always did. Music, magic, work for Merlin. He also read the book you’d given him. He liked it.

It was a century of hiding, waiting, and having nothing much to do. The next century would be the exact opposite. 

–

Jack the Ripper was a dick.

You really didn’t like him.

Douxie didn’t like him either.

And Archie didn’t like him.

So, like in every good piece of media that has a chapter in the nineteenth century, you protagonists teamed up to take down Jack the Ripper. It was super effective!

You met up with your partners in the fog-filled streets of the White Chapel district soon after the second murder. In your hands, you held a newspaper covering the recent events. You approached the wizard and his familiar, but they didn’t see you. They were caught in a conversation with someone you’d never seen before, a stocky man dressed in a dark overcoat and hat. The stranger hadn’t noticed you either. 

Silently, you hid in an alley between two nearby buildings. You couldn’t hear them, but from the stranger’s body language, he seemed a bit defensive, maybe even a little angry. You sincerely hoped Douxie wasn’t doing anything stupid.

About a minute later, the man stormed off, leaving Douxie and Archie behind. They still hadn’t noticed you, so you took the opportunity to sneak up on them.

“Hey!”

“Aaaaahhhh, jeez (Y/N)! Don’t do that! There’s a killer on the loose!”

“And he’s only killed prostitutes so far, so you should be fine. Unless there’s something you aren’t telling me?” you joked, raising an eyebrow.

He gave you a small shove, too small to be malicious, “Very funny. Have you learned anything new?”

“Mhmm, but first,” you turned to Archie, giving him a pat on the head, “Hey Arch, how are you?”

“I’m fine, thank you for asking,”

“That’s good! That’s good, anyway, you know they think it’s a doctor, but they received a letter signed ‘Jack the Ripper,’”

“Very fun nickname,”

“Indeed, but it still isn’t much to go off of, the police already doubt it”

“(Y/N), remind me again what your sources are?” the familiar was right to be suspicious, but you knew your sources were solid.

“I’ve told you Arch, a forensic doctor, he’s a friend of mine and he works with the police,”

“And how do you know you can trust him?”

“I don’t, but they’re publishing the letter soon, so you’ll see it then. You guys got anything?”

“Not much,”

“Huh. That isn’t great,” you took a moment before speaking again, “By the way, who was that man you were talking to? He seemed angry,”

“Oh, him? He’s just a resident of this area. I’ve been talking to him for a while, I thought he might know something, but every time I even mention it he gets, well…”

“Like that?”

“Yes, like that,”

You looked out the way the man had gone, “You think he’s a suspect?”

“Oh yeah, absolutely,”

Archie nodded in agreement.

“Well then,” you said, returning the eyes to the face of your accomplices, “Keep an eye on him. See you next Thursday?”

“Sounds good,”

By next Thursday, another girl was dead.

You met with your team in a (very) shady pub to discuss this development. Thanks to some connections, you’d snagged a private room where no one else could hear your detective work.

“God DAMMIT, guys, how did we miss this?” you said, pacing. Your hands were on your hips, eyes fixed on the floor. You seriously could not figure out how you missed this. 

On the wall behind you, you’d attached some photos and newspaper clippings to the wall, red yarn connecting them. You were very ahead of your time.

“I really don’t know,” Douxie was sitting, upside-down, in a chair across from you. He threw the ball of yarn up in the air, letting it fall, and catching it over and over again. Archie didn’t answer, he was focused too hard on the yarn.

You stopped pacing and glared at your conspiracy wall. You followed the red string with your finger. It lead nowhere. You groaned and ran your fingers through your hair, something that Douxie found alarmingly attractive. 

Ever since you saved his life in the sixteen hundreds, he’d developed a bit of a soft spot for you. It wasn’t something he was proud of. But it was fine, you’d developed a soft spot for him too.

“Hey, it’ll be alright, love,” he said, sitting up properly, “We’ll find this monster, so don’t worry yourself too much,”

You took a deep breath, leaning against your crime wall, “Thanks Doux. I appreciate it,”

Your voice was slightly sarcastic, but you both smiled still. Archie frowned, the yarn wasn’t moving anymore.

“So,” you said, turning again to examine the mess of photos and yarn, ”He isn’t an official suspect, but I think this guy, this James Maybrick, seems a little suspicious,” you pointed at his photo, “He’s going to be at this ball thing on Friday. If we go, we can ask him if he plans on traveling, he lives in Liverpool, and-”

“I’m sorry, he lives where?”

“Liverpool, Arch, pay attention-”

“(Y/N), why do you think he’s coming all the way out to White Chapel to murder these women?”

“Well it isn’t his area, that makes him less of a suspect, and all of the murders have been on Saturdays and Sundays, which gives him time to travel,”

“You might be onto something,” Douxie said, standing and letting the yarn fall to the ground where Archie chased it around, thoroughly distracted, “We can go check it out, but how do we get in?”

You bit your lip, deep in thought, “My doctor friend, he knows the hostess. He might be able to get us in,”

“Fantastic!”

“There’s just one thing,”

“Yes?”

“I’m pretty sure you’ll have to pretend to be my fiance,”

There was a moment of silence while Douxie considered this. 

You tried to explain yourself, “I-It’s not my first choice either, but high society doesn’t approve of-”

“I’ll do it,”

“And I know it’s inconvenient, but-”

“(Y/N)?”

“Yes?”

“I said I’ll do it,”

It was your time to consider, and you considered yourself super lucky to have an accomplice like Douxie.

“Oh my god, thank you!” you exclaimed, throwing your arms around his neck, “Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you,”

You couldn’t see Douxie’s face, so he had no idea that he blushed before wrapping his arms around you softly.

“No problem (Y/N), no problem,”

–

Two days later, you were wearing fancy clothes, and freaking out a little.

This was nothing compared to Douxie who was freaking out a lot. Mostly because you looked absolutely stunning, but also because there was a possible murderer inside the building. You know, typical stuff.

The two of you stood outside the manor, looking up at the vast estate. It was beautiful but intimidating. You turned to your partner in crime-solving, “You ready for this?”

He nodded.

You closed your eyes, swallowed back your anxiety, and linked your arm with his.

“Let’s do it,”

The manor was, simply put, dazzling. The size of it reminded you of the smaller cathedrals during the sixteenth century. The floors were marble, the ceiling decorated with a mural, just like the cathedrals you now reminisced. The room was lit with a large chandelier, the warm light covered the whole room in a glow the colour of honey. Columns, the same marble as the floor, stood strong around the perimeter. On one side of the space, an orchestra played. The center was full of people dancing. Some people stood at the side of the room speaking, others just observing everything else. It was a crazy party, but only by Victorian standards. 

The sheer amount of activity made you panic a little. As if Douxie could sense your anxiety, he found one of your hands and squeezed it reassuringly. You smiled a little, once again thankful for such an amazing partner in crime.

The two of you made your way around the dance floor, checking faces, looking for your suspect. You didn’t see him. You and Douxie made a full circle around the room, not seeing your guy. You were about to suggest finding a higher viewpoint when the hostess of the party stopped you.

She was a plump, elegant woman, draped in the finest of silks. Her hair shone, and her eyes sparkled. She was perfectly gorgeous, and perfectly in your way.

“Ah, fuzzbuckets,”

“Oh, my dear (Y/N)! It is so good to see you, darling!”

“It’s good to see you as well, my Lady,” you returned, bowing slightly. Douxie followed your lead.

“‘Tis a pity the good doctor couldn’t be with us! He works so hard, you would think he would come out and dance for an evening! Just to relax!” The woman laughed as if wishing the doctor was here was the funniest thing on the planet. Maybe it was to her Victorian sensibilities.

You laughed an appropriate amount, plastering on a fake smile, and biting your tongue at the irony. This was the least relaxed you’d been all century.

When the Lady stopped laughing, she noticed Doxie, “Oh, (Y/N), dear, you must tell me who this dashing young gentleman is! How in heaven did you find such a match?”

“My Lady, this is my fiance, Mr. Casperan,”

“It’s lovely to meet you fair Lady, and might I say that the moon and stars dull in comparison to your eyes; even a goddess of beauty could not hold a candle to your visage,”

You tried to keep cool, but you felt your eyes widen a bit. You had never heard Douxie speak like that before. You weren’t sure how it made you feel yet, but clearly, the Lady enjoyed it. A blush covered her face as she gushed over the wizard for another two minutes. You spent that time subtly searching the crowd for Maybrick.

Clearly, you were not as subtle as you thought.

“Oh, dear, I see your partner is eyeing the dance floor,” the lady said, her face still painted with a blush. Her words called you to attention.

“Ah, yes, my apologies my Lady,”

“No worries at all dear child, now go! Dance the night away!”

“Thank you,” you said, once again bowing.

“It was wonderful speaking with you, my Lady,” Douxie said, following your actions before leading you to the mass of dancing guests.

“She’s watching us,” Douxie whispered to you through clenched teeth, “Can you dance?”

“Not super well, but enough to survive,”

“Just follow my lead,”

Douxie could dance pretty damn well, something you weren’t too surprised by. He’d spent a lot of time learning music throughout the centuries, you’ would’ve been a bit surprised if he hadn’t known how. He was so good, in fact, that you were almost certain he was making you a better dancer just by being near you. You’d be lying if you said this wasn’t the most fun you’d had in a while.

“So, where’d you learn to flirt like that?” you asked, your voice low so that no one else could hear you.

“I’ve picked some things up over the years,” he said, spinning you out and then back in again.

“I have to say, I was quite impressed. I didn’t see that coming,”

He faked a gasp, “Why I’m offended! You don’t think I can flirt?”

“Well, I didn’t until tonight. But I stand corrected,” he dipped you, “You can flirt extremely well Hisirdoux Casperan,”

“Thank you, (Y/N) (L/N),”

You both smiled continuing the dance, scanning the crowd for the face of the killer. And in between that, just staring at each other.

You almost regretted finding the suspect.

You hated to admit that a small part of you had hoped to just dance with Douxie for the next few hours, pretending that you were a couple and that you weren’t magic, and you weren’t immortal, and you hadn’t seen pain and suffering the world over, and he hadn’t been tortured two centuries before. You just wanted to dance.

But you saw him.

And the good of the humans came before the things you wanted.

“Doux, I see him,”

“Where?”

“To your left and back behind you. Don’t look at him. We’ll get off the dance floor, and I’ll question him,”

“Are you sure?” Douxie thought about elaborating. About telling you that he didn’t want you to get hurt and that he too, wanted to keep dancing. 

But he didn’t. And you were sure.

So, you left the dance floor and made your way to the suspect. You made sure Douxie stayed far enough behind you for his presence to be non-threatening, and made your approach. 

“Wonderful party isn’t it Sir…?” you waited for him to give you his name.

“Maybrick, Mr. Maybrick,”

“Mr. Maybrick. A lovely name,” internally, you cursed God for giving Douxie all of the charm and leaving you none.

“May I ask where you’re from Mr. Maybrick?” 

“I’m from around here, Liverpool. May I ask who’s asking?”

“I-”

“(Y/N), dear! Where have you put that lovely boy of yours! I have some friends he simply must meet!” 

You could not believe that the hostess was interrupting you yet again. This time, Maybrick actually ran from you. You cursed under your breath. The Lady was far enough away that you could pretend not to hear her. You could still catch the suspect, you just had to run a little. In the outfit you were wearing, it would be next to impossible, but you really didn’t want to talk to the hostess again, so you gestured for Douxie to follow, and you chased after Maybrick.

You ran through the ballroom, dodging patrons and maneuvering around dancers. It felt almost like a fairytale; Cinderella if the princess had to chase down a dangerous serial killer instead of just flee the ball. 

The suspect ran out the front doors, and you followed him, Douxie close behind. The night air was cool on your skin, a nice contrast to the warmth of the ballroom. You lost a shoe, and your hair was slowly turning into more and more of a mess, but you didn’t care, you wanted to catch this guy.

You did not catch that guy. 

A horse-drawn carriage was waiting for him at the end of the lane. There was no way you could compete with that. Not unless Archie would shapeshift into a horse for the sake of catching a possible criminal.

A black stallion pulled up beside you.

It was Archie, shapeshifted into a horse for the sake of catching a possible criminal. You manifested your hot girl mystery-solving arc.

“Get on!” both Douxie and Archie exclaimed, Douxie offering you a hand up. You took it, jumping onto Archie’s back, wrapping your arms around the wizard’s waist, and riding after the carriage.

The night was dark, and the carriage moved fast. Archie kept up pretty well for a familiar with two people on his back. He went so fast that all you could do was cling to Douxie for dear life as the dark world blurred around you. It was not for a lack of trying, but eventually, you lost them.

“You did good Arch, you did good,”

“Thank you, Archie,” you said, forehead buried in Douxie’s back.

“I appreciate the thanks, but it isn’t over yet. We left all of our stuff back at the manor, so we should return,”

“That’s probably a good idea,”

The journey back showed you how far you’d gone. Needless to say, you were super proud of Archie. You’d have to remind yourself to get him some fish later.

When you arrived back at the manor, the party was still going. You could hear the music from the outside. You dismounted Archie and leaned against his side.

“All of this,” you groaned out, “for nothing,”

“Well it wasn’t exactly for nothing,” Douxie said, stretching his arms above his head, “Maybrick ran from us, that’s suspicious. I think we can officially call him a suspect. Here,” he threw your missing shoe your way, “You dropped this,”

You smiled, leaning on Archie for support as you slipped it back on, “Thanks,”

“My pleasure,”

You laughed. The stars above you caught your eye. They were so beautiful tonight. The music was nice too. Everything was so peaceful.

It reminded you of another night, centuries ago, when you’d been allowed to rant and rave, and the wizard just listened to you.

“Hey, Douxie?” 

“Yes, love?”

You hesitated, trying to think of something to say. Eventually, you came up with, “We’re still enemies after this, right?”

He laughed a little. It sounded kind of sad, “If you want us to be,”

At that moment, you didn’t know what you wanted.

That’s a lie, you wanted to kiss Douxie.

But you hadn’t figured it out just yet, so, for now, you just stared at his lips, wondering what that feeling was, and listening to the song end.

“We should head back,”

“I guess we should,”

Neither of you were satisfied with this outcome.

–

You wouldn’t be satisfied until you caught the killer, or as it turned out, killers.

You’d been back at the pub, obsessing over the crime wall, tracing the red yarn over and over again. Doux and Archie were starting to worry about your health. Then you cracked the code.

“What if,” you said, turning from the wall, “There’s more than one,”

“More than one?”

“Yeah, more than one killer. There’s more than one person involved here,”

The wizard and his familiar exchanged a look. Maybe you were sleep-deprived and in need of a nap, but maybe you were onto something, “Go on,”

“Think about it, we’ve got multiple leads, some doctors, some live in the area, some have the motive, some are just suspicious, but none of them have everything they need to commit murder. What if they’re working together?”

“Keep talking,”

“Look, here,” you said, pointing at a photo of a suspect, “Johnson Druitt, he lives in the white chapel area and has the anatomical knowledge,” you moved to another photo, this one a sketch, “Barnett, his roommate works the streets, he’s in love with her and we know he hates her job. If he killed those other women to scare her, he has a motive,” you moved on again, “And Maybrick,” you stopped, trying to piece together his role in this grand conspiracy.

“He’d have the funds to cover it up, plus the interest in the case,”

You spun around to face the wizard, “Douxie, you’re brilliant!”

You took a step back from the wall, taking in your work, “So, what do we do now?”

“Simple,” Douxie said, resting an elbow on your shoulder, “We go after him,”

–

You didn’t mind being bait. Really, you didn’t. But you did find it boring.

You’d been walking around this general area for two hours now, this disguise was uncomfortable, and you just wanted something else to do. Then your wish came true!

Two men approached you from the front, both short in stature with well-kept moustaches. You hid a smile, the three killer theory proving itself correct. You walked forward, your peripheral vision focused on the men. 

The three of you kept walking.

You passed between them.

“Lovely night, isn’t it?”

They stopped, you continued on.

“Excuse me, dearie?”

“Yes?” you purred, turning to them. 

Then you were grabbed from behind. Fortunately, you expected that little trick, grabbing the stranger and flipping him over your body. The man landed on the pavement with a thud. You grinned as the three men looked at you, faces full of shock. Unfortunately, it wore off, and the three advanced.

The first one threw a decent punch, but you dodged, forcing him to punch one of his partners. You swept the legs out from under the third.

The first two had recovered and were coming at you again, this time with blades. It was this moment when you noticed the blood on their coats. It wasn’t theirs, or yours for that matter. Yep, these were definitely your guys. 

The first blade missed you, the second one just grazed your side. You bit down a cry of pain, sincerely hoping that blade was clean. You could see Douxie emerge from his hiding place; clearly, he’d felt the sting of the metal too.

But you didn’t have time to focus on Douxie, you had to fight. 

You threw a few punches of your own, knocking the duo back into the street and closer to the wizard.

“Gah, you wENCH!!” one of them exclaimed.

“Kill the whore!!” 

You could see the rage in their faces, but that wasn’t as important as the fact that you could see their faces. Maybrick and Druitt. Your theory was right! Your excitement fell away as they advanced.

Then they both fell into limbo. 

The portal down glowed blue around them. Douxie stood behind the gateway, looking very proud of himself.

You would have laughed at their misfortune and Doux’s pride if you hadn’t been grabbed from behind again.

You cried out in surprise, catching the attention of the wizard.

“(Y/N)!”

“Don’t come any closer!” you felt the cold of a blade on your throat. This wouldn’t end well.

“Come on now, don’t make any rash decisions,” Douxie’s hands were raised in surrender, his eyes never leaving yours.

“I’ll kill the wench! I’ll do it!”

“Hey, don’t-”

“My Mary is dead! There’s nothing left! I’ll kill her!”

“Wait, who’s dead?”

“My girl,” the man sobbed, his grasp on you weakening, “My Mary Kelly, I’ve lost her! She’s gone!”

You may have felt bad for this guy if he hadn’t been absolutely insane. You took his distracted state as a chance and broke from his hold, pushing yourself away from him.

“Douxie! Now!”

The portal to limbo opened under the man. He had no time to react as he fell into the other dimension.

You looked down into the gateway, a blue pool in the middle of a dull cobblestone street. You sighed with relief as the blue magic sealed itself shut, leaving the night dark again.

“Nice work,”

“Thanks,”

Lights came on in the windows around you. In the distance, you heard shouting.

“We should get out of here,”

“Good idea. See you next century?”

“Oh, absolutely. Say goodbye to Arch for me,”

“Will do,”

And you slipped away into the night, excited by this latest adventure, but still wanting more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, check the tumblr ;p


	8. 1900/10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> World War One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> world war 1 and crying, big angst, very sad, reader is traumatized, conscription is not a fantastic policy., i might post another chapter because I really want you guys to read the chapter for the 80′s. also, a plot twist. No one gets hurt in this though, not physically.

Unfortunately, infamous serial killers were not the only things lurking in the dark at the turn of the century.

While you, the wizard, and the familiar explored a changing world, something clawed its way out of the dark

He’d been trapped for centuries, wasting away beneath what was once Camelot, but now, he was free. And he had a few goals in mind.

He would free his father, destroy both man and trollkind, and take his revenge on you, the traitor.

\--

And with the rise of the twentieth century rose, so did Bular.

Then he almost drowned on the Titanic. He straight up chose the wrong ship to stow away on. He had to swim to America, the poor loser. He was trying to track you down, but he messed that up too, you were still in Europe!

What a dumbass!

\--

Meanwhile, you were getting traumatized during the first world war.

Your drive to help those who needed it sent you to the military. There, you worked as a medic, helping both soldiers and civilians. Your heart broke with every wounded soldier, every innocent person who passed under your care. Their faces haunted your dreams, reminding you of everything else you had lost in your life. These people, the soldiers who fought before you, the nurses who healed with you, the innocents who struggled through this war with you, none of them deserved this hell. 

That only drove you to work harder.

You did whatever you could to save every life possible. You worked through the night, living off of the coffee supplied to you. You even went as far as to use a little magic when you could, something you, personally, had not done since the witch hunts in the seventeenth century. It was a lot, and there were times when you nearly passed out from exhaustion, but it still wasn’t enough. People still died; in your arms, on the battlefield, everywhere. You did your best to comfort the ones you couldn’t save, but their tears scarred your skin worse than any wound could.

And you blamed yourself.

For every fallen soldier, for the blood of the innocent spilled across cobblestone, you found some way to place the blame on you. You weren’t fast enough, you weren’t strong enough, you weren’t good enough. It was your fault, every body under a sheet, every blood-soaked letter home, every burned shoe at the edge of a road, it was on you. You were a witch, with a background in medicine stretching back eight-hundred years. Why didn’t you save more people!?

And when the war was over, you kept going.

You kept healing, everyone, everywhere, as many people as you could manage and more. Your guilt was eating you alive.

Somewhere else in war-torn Europe, Douxie was feeling the same way.

He’d been conscripted into this war with every other man his age. Or, at the very least his fake age. He wasn’t sure there were regulations for the conscription of eight-hundred-year-old citizens.

Regardless, he fought honourably, trying to avoid killing anyone. That didn’t stop the pain of watching his fellow soldiers die in the trenches beside him. He tried to avoid making attachments out here. But that didn’t stop him from doing whatever he could to save lives. Douxie was always protective by nature, and this led to him shoving his comrades out of the paths of bullets, using the least magic he could to stop shrapnel, and using himself as a human shield. 

He was doing the right thing, putting his life on the line to save others, but he felt bad every time he did it. He felt guilty that at any moment, he could die, and you would die with him.

He’d tried to get out of conscription to protect you, but there wasn’t much he could do there. Instead, he fought the way he thought you’d want him to, saving everyone who needed it. 

Sometimes, he wondered why he decided to live by your mantra. Maybe it was the guilt of putting your life at risk. Maybe it was because his exposure to your excessive need to save lives grew on him and made him want to be a better person. He didn’t know. (And really, he didn’t even think of the second part until much later.)

Douxie, however, was not as tied to the mantra as you. He still blamed himself for a lot of the death around him. (He was a wizard, why couldn't he save more people!?) But he was able to shake the grief a lot quicker than you were.

So, after the war, he was shaken but alright, and you were borderline broken.

And then your paths crossed.

The shops weren’t too crowded that day. It was quiet enough for you to take in the face of the only other person on that particular side of the building.

“Douxie,” you would’ve sounded more surprised if you weren’t too tired to show emotion.

“(Y/N)?” the wizard took a cautious step towards you, almost as if he were about to offer you an arm for support. You might’ve been offended by that if you hadn’t looked and felt like hell.

There were bags under your eyes from lost sleep. You felt like you’d topple over into that stack of canned goods at any moment. Briefly, you wondered if canned goods would be soft enough to nap on. You couldn’t ponder that long though, otherwise, Douxie would figure out that you were not at all okay.

“Are you okay?”

“Mhmm,” you were very clearly not alright, “I just haven’t been sleeping well since-”

“The war?”

“Yeah, that,”

“I didn’t know you were on the field,”

“Yeah, well, you know me,” you yawned, “I just have to save everyone I can. I didn’t do a very good job though,” your laughter was cold, and before long you were crying in the middle of the general store.

“Oh, god, (Y/N),” Douxie’s voice was a whisper as he placed a hand on your shoulder.

You didn’t have time for formalities, or for the fact that you were still technically enemies. You needed a hug and you needed it now.

And so you hugged Douxie. And he hugged back.

He just held you for ten minutes, your face in his shoulder, his in your hair. Neither of you moved, and you didn’t try to look at the other person’s face, and even though this fic is enemies to lovers, you didn’t kiss him, and he didn’t kiss you. All you did was hold on to each other for dear life, two immortals hurtling through time and space, essentially alone except for the other.

It was nice to hang onto an old adversary.

“Oh, god, I’m so sorry,”

“Don’t be. For any of this. The war wasn’t your fault, and you did everything you could. I know you did,”

You were thankful for his words, but you couldn't bring yourself to believe them.

“Still, I got your shirt wet,” you said, brushing the damp patch with the tips of your fingers, “At least let me be sorry for that,”

“If I do, will you let me buy you a drink?”

“I-” you were a little taken aback by this, but you were totally down with it, “Yeah, sure, why not,”

A short while later, the two of you sat in a nice cafe, drinking coffee and tea respectively, and talking more than you had in centuries.

“So you’re serious? He just yelled ‘fuzzbuckets,’ and threw his pistol? Just-” you mimicked throwing something across the cafe.

“Oh yeah, dead serious,”

“Well, look at you teaching impressionable youths medieval swears,”

“I guess. Good to know if we both die ‘fuzzbuckets’ will live on,”

You laughed, and this time you didn’t end up crying.

“So, Casperan,” you started, taking a sip of your drink, “How does a wizard apprentice end up fighting in a no-magic war?”

“Conscription,”

“Ah,”

His face grew dark for a moment, “It wasn’t a good policy. They sent in hundreds of young men who weren’t ready, and who didn’t want to be there. They didn’t-” he paused, trying to keep the horrors from his mind, “They didn’t deserve to see the things we saw,”

“Neither did you,”

“I know,” his voice was a whisper, almost as if he didn’t believe it. That thought alone broke your heart.

You bit your lip, “So, keep talking. Not just about the war, about anything,”

Four centuries ago, Hisirdoux Casperan had listened to you ramble on about politics for an hour. Now it was his turn to speak, and your turn to listen. In this century though, you had more time. The subject changed a few times. He spoke of music and magic and Merlin. You spoke of medicine and your mentor. You spoke of time passing, and architectural trends, and the case of the Rippers. You sat there for hours, talking about anything that crossed your minds. It was nice to talk to someone, for both of you.

Sooner than you would’ve liked, it was nightfall, and you both had to return home.

“So,” you smiled at your once-enemy, “Thank you. For the coffee, and for putting up with-” you gestured at yourself, “This,”

He laughed, “I’ve been putting up with you for years, love, you don’t need to thank me,”

“I guess I’ll see you next century?”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” 

You smiled, the grin reaching your eyes, “Go, home wizard, your familiar’s waiting,”

“I’ll see you in a hundred years, darling,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank u for reading, pls check the tumblr
> 
> or comment, i like talking to y'all


	9. 1920

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> not all coping mechanisms are healthy, don't drink kids

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alcohol, drinking, trauma, depression??

It didn’t take a hundred years for you to meet again.

This was unfortunate, only because you were still super traumatized from the war. Not to mention the years of pain that the people on this continent had gone through, which you also felt guilty for. Maybe if you’d been more aware of your surroundings, you could’ve helped some of them. You just wanted to forget your guilt, your worries, your regret, and self-resentment.

And it was the roaring twenties.

So, when Douxie found you, you were pretty drunk, and not at all in the frame of mind to speak to anyone at all.

The speakeasy was dimly lit, but even in the dark lighting, you could tell that everyone around you was committing various crimes. The smell of smoke hung heavily in the air, successfully keeping Archie outside, leaving Douxie to find you alone in a place where the jazz was loud, the alcohol was strong, and the witches were drunk.

The jazz was something Douxie could appreciate, but the drunk witch? That was gonna be a handful.

“(Y/N)?”

“hEyyyyy, Douxie! You know what, I am, soooooo glad you exist, you know that?”

“Are you drunk?”

“Noooooooooo,”

“Oh, fuzzbuckets. You’re drunk,”

“MMMMMmmmmm, whatever, dosen’ matter, I wanna forget so this is peeeeeeeeerfect,”

“You want to forget? What?”

“The-the frrrrrrrrrrreaking, oh my god, what was it called, the uhhhhhhhhhh war! Yeah, that one,”

“Oh, darling,”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m sad, now lemme drink please,” you slurred, your drink shaking in your hand.

Needless to say, Douxie was not going to let you drink any more than you already had. He put a hand on your wrist, bringing the glass back to the counter.

“Douxieeeeeee, lemme drink!”

“(Y/N), no,”

“Please, Doux, I don’t want to remember, I don’t want to think about it,”

That was the most sober you’d sounded that evening. 

“Just lemme get drunk, and y’know what? Lemme stay that way, I never wanna have-” you struggled for the words, hands flitting around your head, “thoughts! Thoughts, I don’t wanna have thoughts anymore. Thinking is too hard,”

Yeah, sober enough, but not at all like you.

“Yeah, no more alcohol for you,”

“Why, because if I drink myself to death you die too?”

“No, it’s not that, I-”

“Then why do you careeee? You do you care so much Casperan? Why? I'm a bad person, I’ve done awful things to people who didn’t deserve them. I was a spy for someone who wanted you and your mentor, and whoever else lived in Camelot dead, so tell me, why? Do? You? Care? So? Much?”

Douxie was silent, but you weren’t really paying attention. There was alcohol in front of you and you wanted to drink it.

“(Y/N), stop, you need to stop drinking, now,”

“Whyyyyy?”

“Because, you’re not thinking straight, (Y/N), you need to stop-”

You looked him dead in the eye as you continued to sip your drink.

“(Y/N), stop-” Douxie cut himself off. 

He’d let his eyes drift from your face for a moment and realized that several men were staring at you, none of them with any sort of good intent.

“We have to go,”

“What, why?”

He leaned in, whispering to you, “Don’t look, but at least five men are staring you down like you’re something to eat. You have to get out of here,”

That sobered you up a little. Without looking back, you grabbed your coat and silently followed the wizard outside. The cold air woke you from your stupor even more.

“Oh god,” you groaned out, earning a sympathetic look from Douxie.

“Better?”

“It would be if I weren’t haunted by the past,”

Douxie could only sigh and put a hand on your shoulder, “I’m sorry, (Y/N), I promise it’ll get better,”

“When?”

“Eventually,”

You were about to make some sort of smart comeback when you froze. Someone was coming. It was the police… ew.

“Ah, oof, cops,” you looked around frantically, searching for somewhere to hide, or something to distract them, anything.

You had one option.

“Get into the alley,”

“What? What alley?”

“That freakinnnnn, thing! Go!”

“What-”

Douxie didn’t have time to finish before he was shoved into a crevice between two buildings, you were smushing yourself in after him.

“(Y/N)-”

“Shush, don’t do the talking,”

You covered his mouth with your hand again, your eyes focused on the street outside.

Douxie was more focused on your body pressed against his.

You moved closer to him, backing away from the alley’s entrance. You were tense, waiting for the officers to pass your hiding spot. Your hand slipped down to Douxie’s, squeezing it for support, not caring that he was by technicality your enemy. He squeezed back. You guessed he didn’t care either.

It felt like an eternity before the officers passed. You and the wizard waited for another minute before you left.

“Right. That was fun. Nice work, quick thinking,”

“Thank you. We should go now, yeah?”

“Yeah, let me go grab Arch, I’ll walk you home,”

“Sounds good,”

“I’ll be right back,”

You smiled, and waited, standing alone in the cold. It was a nice night. Though, you were unaware of the thing watching you.

Someone was staring at you from the roof of another building. They’d considered grabbing you now, but the wizard returned too soon. They couldn’t catch you, not yet, not without causing a scene. 

Instead, they just watched you leave, eyes following your form into the night.

I don’t know if it’s important enough to mention, but maybe it is. The eyes watching you weren’t human.

Those were the eyes of a changeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading, go check out my tumblr. You can tell me to post chapters there! that's how this got updated!


	10. 1930/40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ww2 :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> world war 2, nazis are mentioned, swearing

As much as you hated to admit it, Douxie was right. By the thirties, things had started to get better for you.

You’d returned to healing, treating everyone you could. When the depression hit you became a favourite of the people, giving excellent treatment for free.

The government didn’t like you, but you shrugged that off. Authority never liked you.

While you practiced medicine, Douxie practiced music. It was an evolving art and he was there for it. He continued his work for Merlin as well, doing what he had to. But Douxie, unlike Merlin, had regard for human life. He looked out for other people, doing whatever he could to help them.

You found it very attractive.

But neither of you accomplished that much in the decade. 

Bular did.

He’d sent three changeling spies after you in the twenties, and they’d done their job, finding you drinking in a speakeasy. They would’ve made a move, but the wizard had foiled their plans. 

Bular was very tempted to kill them upon their return, but he held off, just for now. These changelings knew your face. He would bide his time, and when the right opportunity came, he would send out his forces, guided by the changelings, and you would be brought back to him in chains to pay for your betrayal. And if the wizard got in his way again, he would die too.

For now, he built his forces. In the years to come, he would destroy this world and bring his father home. He had absolute faith in himself as a leader. He was ruthless, taking his anger out on anything that wasn’t a changeling spy. He wished he could, but they still had a part to play.

All the Gumm-Gumm prince had to do now was wait.

\--

Then there was another war.

Just as you began to heal from the last one.

You cursed the moon, the stars, the sky, but there was nothing you could do other than punch walls, cry, and maybe drink some more.

It didn’t take Douxie too long to figure out something was wrong. The bruising pain in his hand wasn’t caused by anything he did, and that meant it could only be one thing.

You were too tired to answer the knock on your door, electing, instead, to yell a greeting at whoever it was. Douxie opened the door.

Your apartment was small, and pretty cute if not for the surplus of alcohol bottles gathered on your counter.

“Fuzzbuckets, (Y/N),”

“I’m not drunk this time! I promise,”

You didn’t hear a response, just a sigh and the crash of glass breaking. You sat up off the floor to see Archie sitting on the counter looking down at a pile of shards. 

“Archie? Why?”

The familiar shrugged, jumping onto Douxie’s shoulders.

You covered your face with your hands before getting up to clean the glass. Douxie helped you. You worked in silence. As you picked up the shards, the wizard and his familiar could see the bruises on the back of your hand. Without thinking, Douxie took your hand, trying his best to be gentle.

“What happened?”

“Punched a wall,”

“Why?”

“Oh, don’t act like you’ve never done it. I can feel it when you get hurt, remember?”

“I’m not denying it, I just want to know why,”

Douxie’s voice was gentle. No one had spoken to you like that in a while. You wanted to cry again. You didn’t, but you wanted to.

“It’s just-I was finally getting better, you know? I wanted to get better, but now there’s another war and I… I can’t just sit back and let innocent people die,”

“(Y/N), you don’t have to go,”

“But I do! I have to do this Douxie, I can’t-” you let out a shaky breath, “If I don’t do this if I don’t help the people who need it, I’m going to let my mentor down. I’m going to let myself down. You know what that’s like, right?”

Douxie thought of Merlin, and how he’d always tried his best to make his mentor proud.

“I understand,”

“I thought you would,” you put your head in your hands again. Something soft and fluffy moved against your leg. You smiled a little at Arch, who rubbed his little body against you, doing his best to provide comfort. Familiars still made excellent company.

“What about you? What are you gonna do?”

“I don’t know,” 

“I guess we’ll figure it out as we go,”

“That sounds like a plan,”

You got up to throw the glass away. Douxie watched you, contemplating the war, “What if I went?”

“Hmm?”

“If I went as a medic instead of you. I could help as many people as possible, and you could help out back here,”

You bit your lip. It was a nice thought, but that was all it could be, “That’s sweet Doux, but you don’t have the same medical experience. It’s better if I go,”

“Then what if we go together?”

“What?”

Douxie stood, walking over to you and grabbing your arms, “We go together. That way, if anything happens I’ll be right there,”

You blinked a few times. You would appreciate that. A lot. The battlefield was a lonely place. You just had one question, “Why?”

Douxie didn’t answer. He stared into your eyes, trying to come up with a good reason. He couldn’t find one. He just felt a drive to protect you, and it didn’t stem from self-preservation. He wanted to keep you safe for your sake, not his.

But he couldn’t say that to you.

So you squeezed his arms and said, “Thank you, Douxie, but I can’t ask you to do that,”

You bit your lip and let go.

“Are you sure?”

You nodded, leaning against the counter, “There are just some things we have to do on our own,” you stared down at your hands for a few minutes before you realized just what you were putting not only yourself but Douxie through.

“Oh god, I could get you killed, I-”

“Don’t worry about me (Y/N). If you need to do this, you need to do it, and I won’t stop you. Just,” he paused, lifting his hands to your face, “Come back to me when it’s over,”

You moved your hands to rest over his, “I will,”

And you did.

It took a few years, and you were a little messed up when you returned, but that didn’t matter to you. What mattered was that you got to come home, and you got to see Douxie again. That was the first thing you did when you got back.

You were a little nervous knocking on his door. By technicality, you were still enemies, but neither of you really believed that anymore. You took a deep breath, and the door opened.

“Hey, Casperan,”

He didn’t say anything. He just put a hand on your shoulder, silently asking for permission to hug you. You didn’t say anything either. You just hugged him.

“It was worse this time,” you whispered.

“I know, and I’m sorry,”

“Fuck nazis,” your voice was muffled, but you were and still are right, and you should say it.

“Agreed. They’re monsters,”

There was silence for a few moments.

“I don’t-” you broke the hug to look him in the eye, “I don’t think I can do that again,”

“You won’t have to,” he said, both of you returning to the hug, “I promise,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> check out the tumblr uwu


	11. 1950/60

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ANGST, i did it again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> torture and angst again, but this time it’s been reversed!
> 
> also racism

Nothing happened in the fifties.

You got better after the war. Douxie got a leather jacket. You protested segregation, fought for lgbtq+ rights, etc. And you both missed each other's company, an unidentifiable ache made itself at home in your chests whenever either of you got as much as a papercut. 

Bular sat on some rocks, laughed maniacally, and claimed that he was biding his time, but really, he was putting off ending the world. Does Bular is executive dysfunction? 

It didn’t matter to anyone because in the sixties you were kidnapped by a cult, and that really pulled focus.

Douxie wouldn’t have noticed anything if it weren’t for the pain. 

Sometimes he didn’t see you for long stretches, that was the immortal game, and he could deal with that, but the pain? You were never in this much pain. Ever. It wasn’t too hard to figure out that something was wrong.

The world was wider now, so it took longer to track you down, but Douxie wouldn’t stop until he found you. Every cut, every bruise he felt crushed his heart. He couldn’t stand the thought of you getting hurt, much less tortured. That’s why he worked himself nearly to death finding you, and when he did, your captors had hell to pay.

Blue magic broke down the door of the cult’s base, hitting some of the members who’d stood too close. 

“Where is she?” his voice was low, threatening, and more terrifying than it had ever been. Douxie was more terrifying than he’d ever been.

One of the petrified cultists pointed towards a hallway. Douxie followed the man’s direction, leaving him to tend to the unconscious cult members. 

The hall led to a large rust-covered door. He could feel your presence behind it. God, you were in so much pain.

That was not okay with him.

He broke down this door too, actually shattering it into pieces. Inside the room, you were tied to a chair, hands behind your back. The chair was on some kind of stage, below it, rows of chairs. A spotlight shone on you revealing your bruised and battered form. A man stood before you, a knife in his hand poised to make another slice in your skin. You were already covered in blood. Your eyes were closed. He couldn’t tell from this distance if you were breathing.

Douxie went fucking ballistic. 

Within seconds, the chairs had been blown around the room, the walls had cracked, and your tormentor on the ground, bleeding.

The wizard did not care about that. He just cared about you. He ran to your side, cutting the rope that kept you tied down. You were breathing, that was good, but you were definitely unconscious and that wasn’t ideal. Or maybe it was. If you were asleep, you couldn’t feel any pain. 

“You’ll burn in hell for this witch,” the cultist spat out, somehow still awake, “You both will,”

“So will you,”

The man who tortured you died. I’m not supposed to tell you how.

All I can say is that when the man was dead, Douxie picked you up and carried you away from that hell.

He took you back to his hotel room. He had no idea what else to do. On the way there, you’d occasionally whimper from the pain, softly struggling in your sleep. That almost killed him. He couldn’t stand the fact that you’d been brutally tortured and it had taken him so long to stop it. There was a deep ache in his chest every time he looked at your face, his body burned with your pain.

Archie jumped when he’d entered, a little surprised to see your body in his arms. Douxie managed to get you onto the bed before freaking out externally.

“Oh god, Arch, I don’t- (Y/N)’s hurt, so, so badly and I don’t know what to do, I-”

“Douxie!”

His familiar’s stern voice snapped him out of his panicked haze.

“Douxie, I understand you’re scared, but you need to stay calm for (Y/N). Can you do that?”

Douxie wiped his eyes on his sleeve, the shock stalled for now, “I can,”

“Good. I need you to get bandages, water, rags, a needle, and thread. Can you get those for me?”

The wizard was reluctant to leave your side, but he knew if he didn’t do anything you would die. He nodded and left to get what his familiar had asked for.

When he came back, Archie began to talk him through every procedure he could remember. He had, after all, watched you save Douxie’s life from this exact thing centuries ago.

The familiar’s memory was good. Within the hour, you were patched up and breathing normally. You would be okay. And they didn’t need to cauterize anything!

Douxie was physically and emotionally exhausted when he’d finished. He just wanted to lie down and cry for hours. But he didn’t. He just stared at the stained hotel wall and went numb.

“I think I killed someone Arch,”

His voice was a whisper, weak, and nearly broken. Archie still heard him. So did you.

“What!? What do you mean you think you killed someone?”

“The man who was-” his voice broke for a second, “The man who tortured her. I… I don’t even know, it’s just, something came over me, and when I looked at him again, part of the ceiling had collapsed on him,”

Archie paused, considering this. You were silent too, thankful that the man who sought to end your life in a few painful ways was dead. 

“It wasn’t your fault, Douxie. That man tortured our friend, it’s amazing that you didn’t level the whole building,”

Friend. The word hung heavy in the air. You and Douxie had always called yourselves enemies, but if you were honest with yourselves, you hadn’t been ‘enemies’ for a long time.

You’d put yourself in danger to save his life, and now he’d done the same for you. Even if you disregarded the centuries of banter-filled teamwork and emotional support, risking your lives for each other made you at the very least allies. 

But you both knew you were much more than that.

“Amazing,” Douxie murmured, repeating his familiar’s words. 

“Yeah, I am,”

The wizard and his familiar jumped out of their skin at that, not expecting you to wake up so soon.

“(Y/N)? Oh my god, how do you feel?”

“Like I just got tortured by a crazed cultist. How are you, though? We haven’t talked in a while,”

Douxie was slightly taken aback, even more so when you sat up. It was very clearly painful, but you did it anyway. That was just what you did, honestly, Douxie didn’t know why he was surprised.

“I… I can’t tell if you’re being serious right now,” he really couldn’t, but he didn’t care, He was just happy you were alive.

“I’m serious, I wanna know how you’re doing,”

Archie jumped onto the bed beside you, “How about you get some rest first?”

“I mean I could, but I don’t want to, so-”

“Arch has a point, (Y/N), you need some sleep,”

“But guyyys, I’ve been knocked out for who knows how long! I just want to talk for a bit, please?”

It took him a second, but Douxie realized why you didn’t want to sleep. It was the same thing that he knew would keep him awake at night. You were afraid. You didn’t want to close your eyes and see that man again. You didn’t want to relive any of these events.

He was close to the truth except for one thing. You wouldn’t mind waking up to his voice again.

“Okay,”

Your smile was brighter than the sun, and it made Douxie feel just as warm.

“Soooo, how’ve you been?”

“Not bad. I got a new jacket,”

“I like it, it’s very you,”

The wizard’s smile had the same effect on you as your smile had on him. 

The two of you talked until Archie had fallen asleep at your side, and you couldn’t keep your eyes open. You were scared to sleep, but as long as Douxie was there- and he was leaving.

“Hey, where are you going?”

“Oh, I was just going to-”

“Stay,” your voice was louder than you’d expected, so you tried to bring your volume down, “Please, don’t leave,”

“What?” 

“Please don’t leave me,”

Douxie was a bit taken aback by this, but he couldn’t say he was surprised. You’d been through something traumatizing. He knew you were used to the sight of other people’s blood and gore, but it probably wasn’t nice to see your own. If he remembered anything from the witch trials, it was how hard it was to sleep, even after he’d healed.

“Okay,”

“Thank you,”

The two of you sat in silence, this one peaceful instead of awkward. You found his presence comforting, and he felt the same. 

“Hey, Doux?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry,”

Douxie was a bit shocked, “What!? Why?”

“Because you felt all of that, and you might’ve killed a person, and I-” your breath was shaking, and Douxie couldn’t tell if you were crying or just scared, “I’m so sorry, because we’ve been fighting for so long, and it’s over something that happened so long ago, and I’m sorry for it, but I’ve never told you, and-”

You were rambling. It was time to cut you off. Douxie took one of your hands, “(Y/N), please, don’t-don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault,”

Hot tears ran down your face as the wizard you’d known for centuries told you the one thing you’d always needed to hear.

“Oh, fuzzbuckets, please don’t cry, I didn’t mean to make you upset,”

“No, no, it’s not you, it’s,” you wiped at your face with your free hand, “I’ve needed to hear that for so long,”

Douxie’s free hand joined the one on your face, “I’m glad you got to hear it,”

You bit your lip, wondering if the thought that had just crossed your mind was a good idea. You decided it was worth a shot, and let go of his hands.

“C’mon Casperan,” you said, moving over slightly, trying not to wake Archie, “You need sleep too,”

“Are you su-”

“Yes, I’ve thought this through. There’s only one bed, isn’t there?”

“I guess you’re right,”

“I know I’m right,”

Douxie sighed, shrugging off his jacket, “Fine,”

You weren’t listening though. You were distracted by the black ink covering his shoulders.

“That’s different,”

“Oh, yeah, I uh, got some tattoos. What do you think?”

“I like them,”

“Thanks,”

He crawled into bed next to you. You wouldn’t say it out loud, but it felt right to have him at your side. You turned to face him and lightly traced his tattoos with your fingers. They were beautiful. You drew yourself closer to him. It was nice. He was warm.

Douxie rolled over, he watched you absentmindedly going over the tattoos. In the silence, he thanked every higher power that you were alive. He’d almost lost you, one of his last connections to Camelot, one of the two beings who had any idea about what he was going through. You, the person who listened to him when he ranted about music, or Merlin, or conscription. You, the quirky doctor who was so determined to help people that it made him want to be a better person. He’d almost lost you. That destroyed him.

He didn’t even realize he was crying until he heard your voice.

“Hey, hey, hey, what’s up?”

“Hmmm?”

“You’re crying, what’s up?”

“I-” he bit back a sob he hadn’t realized was there, “I can’t,” 

He took a few moments, trying to compose himself. Your eyes scanned his, the look of concern on your face made him melt.

“(Y/N), I almost lost you, I-” he choked down another sob, “I almost lost you,”

“Hey, it’s okay,” you whispered, “It’s okay Douxie, I’m right here. You saved me today. I’m alive because of you, and I promise, you’ll never lose me again, ok? I promise,”

You moved a strand of hair from his face and placed a hand on his cheek, wiping away some of the tears, “I promise,”

His hand joined yours, “I-” his voice cracked. He couldn’t say what he was thinking, “Thank you,”

“It’s no problem,” you smiled, although you were now crying yourself. 

“No, really, thank you,” Douxie smiled too, almost laughing through the tears.

Now you were both laughing and crying and just holding each other through this traumatic experience.

“Oh my god,” you sighed, “We’re crazy. Time really took its toll, huh?”

“It’s made us both mad, darling,

The two of you giggled yourselves back into peaceful silence.

“Hey, (Y/N)?”

“Yeah?”

“How did you-how did this happen? How did they catch you?”

“It’s a bit of a surprise, right? I guess I’m a better healer than a fighter,”

“That’s not a bad thing to be,”  
“Unless you’ve just punched a cultist in the face,”

“You punched him!?”

“Yeah,”

“Why!??”

“Because he was being a racist dick. If he hadn’t taken me, he would have taken this other girl, and she was a lot younger than I am, she was like, twelve. He said no one would miss her because of her race, and I don’t even-I don’t know what that means, but I punched him for it,”

“I-” Douxie paused for a moment, contemplating, “That sounds like you. I trust I don’t have to tell you that you did the right thing?”

“No, I know,”

Douxie laughed again. You decided you liked his laugh. Or maybe you loved it. Maybe it was your favourite sound in the world. Maybe.

“You should get some rest, love,”

“You should too. You had a busy day,”

“Oh, my- goodnight, (Y/N),”

“Goodnight, Casperan,”

You may have died in your sleep.

You weren’t sure, but usually, your dreams weren’t vivid. But that night was different.

You opened your eyes to see a dim tent, lit only by lanterns and candles. The space smelled of herbs and blood. In the corner of the tent was an older man, crouched over a table, reading something.

“Master?”

“Ah, there you are. But why so soon my dear apprentice?”

“Uh, where is here?”

“I think you know, my child,”

“Oh,” you blinked rapidly, trying to puzzle things out. Had you really been saved, or had Douxie been a pain-induced hallucination?

“No, the boy did save your life, yet here you are,” the Doctor, your mentor, came over to you, “The question is, why?”

“I-I don’t,” you stuttered out, tears coming to your eyes. You’d just been safe, and alive, and happy. Why, God, why were you here?

“Don’t fret dear one,” the Doctor said, patting your back and handing you a tissue, “You might return to their world soon, but you must leave now,”

“Ok,” you said, relieved, “But I have one question, master,”

“Yes?”

“Did you see her again?”

He smiled at you and it was the happiest you’d ever seen him, “Yes. She says ‘hi,’”

You smiled too, “Say ‘hi back,’ to her for me,”

“And you say ‘hi,’ to that wizard boy of yours,”

“I will,”

The scene around you began to fade, turning white at the edges.

“Goodbye, Master,”

“Goodbye, apprentice,” his voice was muffled, as if you were hearing it through static, “I’m so proud of you,”

You shot up in bed, gasping for air. Your skin was cold and damp with sweat. You ran a hand through your hair, contemplating. Had you just died? Or was that a dream? 

You looked down. Beside you, Douxie was fast asleep. His presence alone was comforting enough for you to wave off that particular experience, and go back to bed. As you drifted off again, you could only think of how waking up to Douxie every day wouldn’t be a bad thing.

Unfortunately, you were not alone. Changeling eyes watched you from the window because they have to ruin everything.

The changelings didn’t do anything, not yet, not so soon. Their plan had only just failed.

They hadn’t been counting on the boy to spring you from the trap that they’d worked so hard to set. They’d had to confer with that disgusting excuse for a human, tell him to target you and make sure he kept you alive. Of course, the fool’s prejudice made him attack the wrong person, but your moral compass had spared them a total defeat.

But it was a defeat nonetheless.

It was that boy’s fault, the wizard. According to their observations, the two of you had been enemies for centuries. What changed?

(Y’all. Y’all changed.)

So, Gunmars minions let you sleep into the night, watching until the sun threatened to rise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading children, pls check the tumblr


	12. 1970/80

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's here!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fighting! blood? bones!

You spent most of the seventies drinking coffee and tea in small cafés, reading various works, debating philosophy, and learning how to fence. Basically, you lived the studyblr dream while continuing your work as a medical professional.

Douxie did the same, except instead of studyblr, it was more of a punk rock dream. Your mans wore a lot of leather, played a lot of guitar, and generally did punk things.

Bular just kinda plotted. He couldn’t do much since both you and the wizard had solidified yourselves in your respective communities. If anything happened to either of you, it would be noticed. He didn’t want that.

-

The eighties were a bit more exciting.

By exciting, I mean Douxie crashed through your door at three in the morning, holding up a girl with short red hair.

“Uh, hi?” You said your tone questioning as you lowered the baseball bat you kept for intruders.

“Hi,” he was breathless, “I’m sorry it’s so late,” he took in the baseball bat, “Please don’t hit us,”

“Don’t worry about it,” You said, dropping the bat as your eyes drifted to the girl with the red hair. She seemed to be hurt pretty badly.

“Look, I’m sorry we haven’t talked in a while, but I really need you-r help!”

“You already have it, you don’t need to apologise for anything,”

“Hey, could you guys stop flirting and help me please?”

“Oh, yeah, this way,” you led them into your apartment, only a little surprised when a little girl, not any older than like, six, followed them in. The child was asleep on Archie’s back, the shapeshifting familiar was currently taking the form of a large dog to support the child. Her glasses were pushed up onto her forehead, and her hair was a little messy, but she looked completely put together compared to Douxie and the red-haired girl.

“Sit here,” you gestured to your kitchen table, walking into your room to grab your sizable first aid kit, “Also, who are you?”

“Name’s Zoe,”

“Cool, cool, I’m (Y/N),”

“Nice to meet you,”

“You too, wish it was under better circumstances though,”

She nodded, and you began work on her wounds. Most of them were on her right arm with a nasty looking scratch on her cheek.

It was kind of weird to practice medicine in your apartment. It wasn’t like you hadn’t done it before, but still, it didn’t look like a modern doctor’s office. It was much closer to offices of old, almost every surface covered with various books, the smell of herbs hung in the air, and posters detailing various parts of the body. Still, it was clean enough to get your job done. 

“So, what happened?” 

“Changeling. Attacked us after we got off work,” Douxie answered from his spot near the window. He looked out of it every few seconds, almost as if he expected to see the changeling standing outside.

“So, Zoe, I take it you know about the-” you made vague gestures in the air, “magic things?”

“Yep, sorceress,”

“Dope! And the kid?” you asked, glancing towards the sleeping child.

“She’s another co-worker’s kid. I’m supposed to watch her for the weekend,”

“Sweet,”

You continued to work in silence for a few minutes. The scratches on Zoe’s arm looked worse than they turned out to be, and you made short work of it.

“So,” you said, applying some gauze, “Where do you guys work?”

“You know the record store in town?”

“Ah, very fun. It’s weird, I haven’t seen you there, ” you looked up at the wizard. Something was different. The tips of his hair were lighter, almost white.

“Speaking of fun, did you dye your hair?”

“Yes. What do you think?” He sounded a little nervous. You found that extremely cute.

“I like it, goes with the tattoos,”

“Nuclear,”

You held eye contact for a few moments, just smiling softly. 

Then Zoe cleared her throat loud enough to wake the small child, causing her to fall from Archie’s back. He seemed grateful. You three magic users bolted up, all looking over to see if the girl was okay. 

She was fine. She made her way over to you, watching as you finished with Zoe’s arm.

“Are you a doctor?”

“Yes, I am,” 

She kept watching, “What’s that like?”

“It can be very interesting,” you said, finishing up on Zoe’s arm, “Why do you ask?”

“I wanna be a doctor when I grow up,”

“Me too, kid, me too,”

“But you’re already a doctor?”

You laughed a little. Whoever this kid was, you respected her attention to detail, “What’s your name, hon?”

“Barbara,”

“Hmm, nice name, it suits you. My name is (Y/N)”

“Thanks, I like your name too,”

You smiled at Barbara, before returning your attention to Zoe, “So, how’s your arm feeling?”

“Better,”

“Dope,”

You stood up, brushing your hands off on your jeans. Douxie was still looking out the window. You joined him, staring outside. The street was dark and empty. 

“Doux, you ok?”

“Yeah,” he said, finally breaking eye contact with the window to make it with you, “I’m ok,”

You smiled at him, and he returned it. Then there was a crash from behind you.

It was nothing too bad, Barbra had just knocked some stuff over as children were wont to do.

“Sorry,”

“That’s alright,” you examined the mess. It was nothing bad, you could clean it up later, “Hey, Barbara? You want to be a doctor, right?”

The child nodded.

“You wanna see some bones?”

“(Y/N), what!?”

“Don’t worry Doux, they’re plastic,”

Barbara nodded rapidly, showing her excitement for the bones.

“Alright, come with me,”

You led the girl to your room, taking a box of bones from your closet and helping Barbara arrange them into a skeleton. 

In your kitchen, Zoe and Douxie were having a very fun chat.

“I am not in love with them!” Douxie exclaimed though he was trying his best to keep quiet.

“Oh, you are, don’t even try to deny it,”

“I am not,”

“You are! And (Y/N) likes you too,”

“We are enemies,”

“That’s total bull,”

“No, enemies,”

“C’mon Doux,” the sorceress said, leaning forward, “You should go for it!”

“Douxie, she’s right, I’ve been watching you two for centuries. You are not enemies, and (Y/N) has shown quite a bit of affection over the years,”

“Archie, shush!”

“You’d better ask them out Casperan,” Zoe threatened, leaning back now, tilting her chair slightly, “Or I might do it. (Y/N)’s pretty cute,”

Douxie buried his face in his hands and groaned, “Don’t do that,”

“Why not?” Zoe’s eyes were alight with amusement. She was loving this, “Is it because you loooove the doctor?”

“No, it’s because I-” Douxie cut himself off, “I’m gonna go check on them,”

“Ask (Y/N) out!”

“No!”

He walked down the hall to your room and peered through the door to see you and Barbara, still hard at work on the skeleton. You were spouting off various medical facts, and the girl was listening intently. Barbara held up a bone, and you nodded at her. She hugged the plastic to her chest, eyes lit with glee. His heart melted into a giant puddle of feelings, all of them for you.

“Oh, hey Doux!”

Ah, he’d been spotted.

“How’s Zoe? Is her arm any better?”

“Not any more than the last time you asked,” the sorceress in question said moving past Douxie to get into your room, “Thanks for asking though,”

“It’s no problem at all,” you nodded for her to take a seat by the skeleton, “Hey, does anyone want tea or coffee or anything?”

“I’ll take a coffee,”

“I will also have a coffee. Black,”

“You’re six!” you laughed, rising to your feet. How much General Hospital was this kid watching?

“Don’t worry, (Y/N), I’ll get it,” Douxie stopped you, heading back towards your kitchen.

“Do you even know where the coffee is!?”

“I’ll figure it out,”

You shrugged. He could explore your kitchen, you had nothing to hide.

“Hey, (Y/N)?” Barbara asked while she intently studied a bone. You expected a question about science or health, but instead, you got, “Are you in love with Douxie?”

You coughed, choking on air, “I’m-I’m sorry?”

“Yeah, (Y/N),” Zoe grinned, very excited for round two of this, “Are you in love with Douxie?”

“I-I’m-” you were successfully reduced to a blushing, stuttering mess, “I-we’re not, I’m-” you started coughing again, “We’re enemies! Enemies, yes! That!”

“C’mon (Y/N), you were enemies, what, nine-hundred years ago?”

“Hey, there’s a human child here!”

“She’ll forget about it later, she’s still young enough to forget most things. Now come onnnn, tell me the truth,”

“Ah, no, I’m gonna-” you looked around, frantically searching for a distraction. There were none, you were on your own, “I’mmmmm, gonna go check on Douxie, see if he found the coffee,”

You left in a hurry, tripping over your feet as you left. 

You slid into the kitchen, where Douxie was staring out the window again.

“Douxie?”

“Oh, (Y/N),”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just, I’m-” he trailed off, looking back out the window.

You watched him staring into the inky abyss, concern his eyes. Concern and something else. He groaned and rested his head on the window, letting the cold glass relax his mind. Or trying to, it didn’t work.

You put your hand on his shoulder, “What’s up Casperan? You know you can talk to me,”

“We might’ve lead the changeling here,”

“Oh,”

“I don’t know if we did or not, but I might've put you in danger, and I can’t-”

“Hey, it’s okay,” you moved your hand to his other shoulder, pulling him into a half-hug, “You did what you had to do, and that’s okay. Besides, I’m a witch, remember? And even if that doesn’t come through-” you moved away, walking towards a trunk by the table. From that, you pulled a sword, “I took some fencing lessons, so I know how to sword!”

He laughed, leaning against the window, “Well then, remind me not to mess with you,”

You smiled, swinging the blade around, “Will do,”

As much as you would’ve liked to goof off all night, a crash came from outside.

“Oh no,”

Douxie spun around and looked out the window again before immediately shutting the drapes, “He’s out there,”

“Ok, let’s go!”

“No, (Y/N), you stay here, Arch and I have got this,” Archie’s head popped up from behind the couch as soon as he heard his name.

“What-?”

Douxie didn’t respond as he activated his glow-y cuff thing and headed for the door, Archie following him.

“Doux, wait!”

“Stay here and watch out for Zoe and Barbara, I’ll be right back,”

“Douxie!?”

He still wasn’t listening. Fine.

“HISIRDOUX CASPERAN!” That got his attention, “You are not fighting that changeling without help, got it?”

Douxie looked between you and the door, “(Y/N), please, I can’t lose you,”

“You won’t,” you twirled your sword, “I’m right behind you, got it?”

He sighed, defeated, “Ok. Let’s go,”

Your smile lit up his world.

“Hang on,” you turned, “Zoe! We’ll be right back, stay inside!” you turned back, “Let’s do this,”

You grabbed his hand and pulled him out to street level.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t the traitor and the fool. Fancy meeting you here,”

“Oh, shut up,” you said, letting go of Douxie’s hand and preparing your sword.

The changeling laughed, drawing a large axe from it’s back, “Not one for small talk, eh? Maybe that’s why you were the king’s favourite,”

At your side, Douxie growled low in his throat, blue light encircling his wrists.

“I said shut up,”

The changeling laughed again, “The traitor said ‘shut up’ to me. Well then, no use stalling,”

He jumped at you, revealing another set of limbs all of which were coming in fast for an attack. You dodged, and in your peripherals, you could see Douxie do the same.

You used your sword to slice at the nearest limb, doing some damage. Adjacent to you, Douxie was using various spells to trap the changeling. Unfortunately, the wizard distracted you enough for the changeling to land a hit on you. You flew back, fortunately landing on your feet.

“I’m ok!”

“Good! Your wizard won’t be!”

The changeling swung its axe at Douxie. He jumped out of the way half a second too late, the blade grazed him. You both cried out.

“Ah, I see,” the changeling said, getting closer to Douxie, “So if I-” he kicked Douxie’s legs out from under him, taking both of you down.

He cackled with glee, “So THIS is why the wizard is so protective of the traitor! Excellent! I only need to fight one of you,”

“That’s what you think,” you hissed, bolting forward and landing a strike on its back. You rolled off, allowing Douxie to strike the changeling across the street.

You looked at Douxie and nodded, this time running at the wizard who formed a sigil to boost you off of. The extra force sent you right at the changeling, and you sliced across his face before dropping to the ground, casting a spell of your own which threw the creature to the side.

You grinned, rather proud of yourself for that one, while Douxie came up behind you. You high-fived him, sharing a look that was bright and full of adrenaline.

“Disgusting,” the changeling said, propping itself up on one of its limbs.

“Nyeh,” you responded, very maturely, I might add.

“Let’s finish this,” Douxie moved his hands, and a blast came from him, the changeling landed on its back on the concrete.

“Hang on,” you said, “I have some questions,”

You walked towards the changeling, pointing your sword at its throat, “Who sent you?”

“You know who, treacherous spy,”

You bit your lip. You had a good idea of what that meant.

“Why were you sent here?”

“The Gumm-Gumm prince wants you at his mercy, he wants to torture you in every way imaginable, and when he’s done, you’ll be a welcome home gift to his father,”

“You motherf-”

“Douxie, no,” you turned your attention back to the changeling, “When you return to your master, tell him this,”

You leaned down to the changeling's ear and whispered something. Douxie couldn’t hear it, but it made the blood drain from the changeling’s face, and when you told him to run, he did.

“What did you say to him?”

“Douxie, my love, that’s for another day,” You walked up to the wizard smiling at him for a moment, his hazel eyes meeting yours. There was only one thought on your mind.

‘Hot damn,’

Then you felt the pain in your chest. The two of you winced in sync. 

“Ah, yes, that. Let me see,” you moved your hands to his chest.

Your feather-light touch set off every single one of his nerves. You were so beautiful, staring intently at the scratch across his chest, your eyes analyzing every bit of it. Your sword glinted, leaning against your side. You were one hell of a doctor, that was for sure. 

You were one hell of a doctor, and he wanted to kiss you so badly it was all he could think about.

He didn’t realize he’d placed a hand on your face until you were looking up at him, his eyes meeting yours. Your eyes were enough to take his breath away every time.

“(Y/N), I-”

“Douxie,” your voice was a whisper, the way his name rolled off your tongue made his knees weak.

His forehead rested on yours, and your eyes slid shut as his lips came closer to yours. 

“TRAITOR!”

“Oh my god,”

“What the hell?”

Bular emerged from behind one of your neighbor’s houses, charging towards you, sword drawn.

“God damn it, here we go again,”

You raised your sword, slamming it against Bular’s, trying to keep him away from Douxie while the wizard tried to figure out what to do. It wasn’t going so well. You may have learned how to fence, but that wasn’t enough to go against the Gumm-Gumm prince.

The troll hit you with the side of his blade, slamming your body into the concrete and disarming you. Bular loomed above you, his sword pointed at your throat.

“How does it feel, traitor? Years of running have caught up to you, and finally, we will have our revenge! You will die a thousand deaths, each one worse than the last until you are brought to my father for the ultimate punishment!”

You coughed, still a little shocked from hitting the pavement, “You need a nap,”

The troll screamed in rage, frustrated that you weren’t taking him seriously. You rolled out of the way as his blade came down where your head should have been. Jumping back up, you grabbed your sword and sunk it into the Gumm-Gumm’s back before removing the blade and backing away.

Bular roared again, spinning around and coming at you once more. You rose your hands, freezing the beast in place.

“Hey Doux? You can help me anytime!”

“Give me a second!”

“I’m trying, but he’s pretty strong,” you bit your lip, straining to keep the troll still.

You swore as the troll slowly regained movement, the rebound from the spell sending you flying backwards. You made your way back to your feet, sword in hand, aimed at the Gumm-Gumm prince, his blade aimed right back at you. You ran at each other, blade meeting blade, the screech of metal filled the air.

“Your end will come by my father’s hand, you treacherous witch!”

“Cool,”

You ducked under his blade, flinging a spell his way, running towards a lamppost, using it as a springboard, and jumping onto Bular’s head. You took that opportunity to kick him in the face before jumping back off, leaving your sword embedded in the troll’s shoulder.

“(Y/N), duck!”

You did as you were told, hitting the ground before you heard Douxie yell something and a mass of blue magic slammed into Bular. 

You sped away from your spot, running to Douxie’s side, “Nice one,”

“Thanks,”

The Gumm-Gumm growled, “You will pay for your treason witch!”

“Will I though?” 

“You already have,” he laughed, “Too bad my servants died before they could deliver you to me,”

“The cult? That was you?”

The monster just laughed.

You took a step back, a bit shocked. You felt a hand on your shoulder. You looked back to see Douxie, supporting you, as always. Once again, you thanked every possible god for that wizard. You smiled back at him before turning back to the troll.

“Listen bud, you can come after me as many times as you’d like. Send your minions after me, spy on me, torture me, whatever. But here’s the thing. I will always come back because I will always have shit to do. There will always be people to save, things to study, people who need me,” you squeezed Douxie’s hand, “So, go for it,”

“You brat!”

You smirked, your hands coming alive with magic, “Try me bitch,”

One last time, you ran at the troll, Douxie at your side. You struck Bular together, blasting him off and out of view, bending a few lamp posts back with the force of your magic.

“Nice,” you said, breathing heavily, “Thank you,”

“Anytime, love,”

“Okay guys, I’m gonna take Barbara home, whoa, what the hell?” 

“Oh yeah, Bular showed up. You know, the troll dude? Anyway, we kicked his ass into next week, so,”

“Nice job you guys,”

“Thanks. Just wish he hadn’t taken my sword with him,”

“Unfortunate. Yeah, anyway, do you want us to walk you home?”

“Nah, if you guys kicked Bular’s ass we should be fine. Besides, it feels like you guys have some catching up to do,” She smirked, turning on a heel and waving over her shoulder with the hand that wasn’t holding Barbara’s.

You looked between Douxie and the sorceress, deciding to call out to her, “Bye, Zoe! It was nice meeting you! Bye Barbara, enjoy the bones!”

“I will!”

“Bye! Ask him out!”

Your face felt warm at that, and you turned back to the wizard, “She didn’t- I don’t- I-” you cut yourself off, burying your face in your hands, “Sorry, let’s just go inside,”

“Good plan,”

You took hold of the wizard's hand and went back home.

“So, Barbara’s a cute kid, huh?”

“Very. She was so interested in medicine, I just had to let her keep some bones,”

“Not a very traditional gift,”

“No, but she’ll enjoy them. I think she’ll make an excellent doctor one day,”

“Excellent, yes, but you’ll always be the best,”

“I’m flattered,” you said, opening your front door, “Oh! The coffee!”

You walked over, shutting off the coffee maker while Douxie leaned back on the counter. You nearly dropped the coffee pot when you felt a sharp pain in your chest. The axe wound. Douxie’s axe wound.

“Hey, Doux? You said I was the best doctor, right?”

“Of course, love,”

“Ok, good. Now, do me a favor and take off your shirt,”

“Pardon?”

“This,” you said, tapping the scratch on his chest twice, “I need to treat it, I can’t do that with your shirt on,”

“Are you sure you need to treat it?”

“Doux, hon, please remember that I feel every bit of pain you do. You can’t fool me,”

“I suppose not,” he said, pulling off his shirt.

You remembered the scars that marked him. All of them. Beneath your shirt, similar marks covered your skin.

On his chest, you saw the wounds from the witch trials, that burn he got while training with Archie, the large scar on his side from an incident involving a shadow mephit, and a small one beneath his collarbone from, well, you actually.

Before you knew it, your fingers were tracing his scars, your magic healing the newest one, even though it really shouldn’t have been strong enough to heal anything more than a bruise. Your hand rested under his collarbone, on the mark you had left centuries ago. You hadn’t realized how close the two of you were until you looked up to meet his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” your voice was a whisper, but that didn’t make your words any less true, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I did so many awful things, and I-I’m so sorry, if I had the choice, I never would have betrayed you, or Camelot and I-”

“(Y/N)?”

You stopped talking, focusing again on his eyes, his beautiful hazel eyes.

“You’ve been forgiven for a long time. And I’m sorry too, I hurt you, and I was so stupid to do that because you’re-”

“Nuclear?”

“I was going to say the most amazing person I’ve ever had the privilege of knowing, but nuclear works too,”

You laughed a little, resting your forehead on his chest next to your hand. 

You closed your eyes, “We aren’t enemies anymore, are we?”

“No, love, I don’t think we are,”

“Good,” you pulled back, “That means I can do this,”

That moment was agony. You reached up, holding his face in your hands, stretching yourself up to reach him, and slowly shutting your eyes. It was just a second in time, but it felt like a millennia. And in some ways, it had been. You weren’t sure how long you’d been waiting for this, or when the longing had started, but now it was time. No more waiting.

You took a deep breath and kissed him.

And he kissed you back.

There were no words to describe it.

The kiss was an explosion of everything you two had ever felt for each other. The longing, the anger, the forgiveness, and the love, this is what led up too. This was the turning point in a centuries-old relationship, the turning point in a bond started back in the twelfth century. This was everything to you and to him. You were his world, and he was yours, and for now, nothing else existed.

The kiss was soft but passionate. You smiled into it as you moved your hands up to run through Douxie’s hair, his hands falling from your waist to the small of your back, pulling you closer. Your heartbeat raced in your ears, and you wondered if Douxie’s did the same. 

The two of you came apart, your forehead resting on his. Your breath came quickly, leaving just as fast. His did the same. You smirked slightly, running a hand over his cheek and down to the small scar under his collar bone. Your fingers brushed over the spot, your touch light and careful. The pain from his chest was gone taking the wound with it and leaving only a small scar to remember it.

Not that either of you would have trouble remembering this night.

“Douxie, I-”

You were cut off by Archie, clearing his throat and looking pointedly at his wizard. So much for being a good wingman. 

“Douxie, do you know what time it is? You have a shift in the morning. Not to mention we’ve intruded on our friend for over an hour in the dead of night! My apologies, (Y/N),”

“Don’t mention it Arch,” you seriously wished he hadn’t.

“Ah, he’s right. I’m sorry, (Y/N),”

“Hey, no more apologising. Not tonight,”

“As you wish,” he leaned closer to you, leaving a small kiss on your neck before he whispered, “We aren’t finished here,”

He took a step away from you, smirking at your surprised face.

“Until then, Dr. (L/N),”

“U-until then, Hisirdoux Casperan,”

You watched him leave your home, a smile clear on his face when he looked over his shoulder at you.

“Bye (Y/N), sorry for disturbing you,”

“Oh! Uh, bye Arch, you guys are welcome anytime!”

The familiar left your home, following his wizard who was whistling something you didn’t recognize. You watched them walk away through your window.

Then you fell asleep, or rather, blacked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally, the kiss!!!!!!!


	13. 1990/2000

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short and sad

You were gone.

There was no trace of you.

Your apartment had been packed up, your credit cards cancelled, all of your belongings just gone. You were gone.

It was like you had never existed.

Douxie couldn’t even feel your pain. There were no bumps or bruises, you never got a papercut, or bit your lip, or pinched a nerve. It was like you weren’t in the universe anymore. You’d disappeared, and there was nothing of you left.

Your friends could only assume the worst.

And Douxie never even got to say goodbye. 

He never said the things he wanted to say to you. He never got to tell you he thought your passion for science was incredible, or that your drive to help others made him want to be a better person. And he never got to tell you that sometime during the centuries of knowing you, he fell madly in love with you and he wanted to spend the rest of eternity at your side.

He never said that, so you didn’t know it, and now you might not ever find out.

Douxie never stopped searching for you. He couldn’t feel any pain from your end, so maybe you were okay. Maybe you were safe and happy somewhere, practicing medicine to your heart's content.

But probably not.

It was weird, not feeling anything. He’d always assumed that when one of you died, death would take the other, but here he was, left alone and missing you.

And it sucked.

He started to lose himself, every day he didn’t find you was another hell to live through.

Thank god for Zoe, Archie, and punk rock. 

Like any good friend, Zoe helped Douxie through his grief by dying his hair a lot. And dying her hair. They tried to dye Archie’s fur. It didn’t work. 

Emotions made him wear a lot of black. Zoe did the same out of solidarity and because black is the only acceptable colour when it comes to fashion. It really was a hell of a time to be emo.

\--

Douxie was not the only one to search for you (though he and Zoe were the only ones to dye their hair.)

Bular was searching for you too.

His changelings had tracked you, found you, and attacked you, but then you’d disappeared.

This was not a part of his plan.

He was supposed to be the one to capture you. He was supposed to make you disappear. He couldn’t bring you back to his father in chains if he didn’t know where you were. 

The Gumm-Gumm prince sent spies to watch the wizard, the sorceress, and most hospitals on the continent, but nope. You were gone.

\--

So, no one knew where you were. 

There was no trace of you, you’d simply gone poof.

And who made you go, poof? Who’d taken you? Who made you disappear?

\--

Ten years later, Douxie felt pain, dull and mild, but it was definitely there.

But it wasn’t his.

You were back.

The first thing Douxie did was try to find you. It took him a while, and he needed a lot of help from Zoe and Archie, but eventually, they found you.

But you didn’t want to speak to him. Or to any of them. Instead, you ran.

Douxie didn’t really know what to do with that.

It was almost as if the last nine centuries had been erased, and you were back to square one, running from and fighting him. 

He sincerely hoped that wasn’t the case.

But for now, there was nothing he could do. If you didn’t want to talk to him, he wouldn’t press you. All he could do was get back to work, do what Merlin had once asked, and hang out with Zoe and Arch.

All you could do was run.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am why we can't have nice things


	14. Trollhunters/3Below

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> swearing i think???

Jim Lake Jr.’s mom was really familiar.

Fortunately, she didn’t recognize you, even as you studied under her at the hospital and watched out for her son in your free time.

Protecting the Trollhunter was something you had stumbled into.

After your return from a place you’d rather not think about ever again, you found Arcadia. A safe little town in California where you could hide for the time being.

Then the trolls found you.

It wasn’t your fault that you’d nearly killed Blinky. He snuck up on you, and you were very jumpy. Fortunately, you’d figured out that you weren’t under attack before you could do any real damage. It wasn’t too long after that when you found out your new mentor’s son was the Trollhunter, protector of trollkind and slayer of Gumm-Gumms, wielder of the amulet created by your first mentor, Merlin.

This kid was in way over his head. 

You had to protect him.

So, you helped to teach him how to use a sword, how to fight and how to survive. You helped his friend, Toby, to throw a decent punch and knock out a human opponent with pressure points. You were a cool older sibling who they could talk to about the stress of the job. And girls. 

When Claire joined the party, you helped her practice magic. You helped her learn to control it. 

You were quite the gang. One immortal, who everyone believed to be a college student, and three high schoolers in charge of kicking the darkness back to whence it came. 

You protected those kids and their troll dads. You made excuses, forged notes, fought off Mr. Strickler, the whole nine yards. Somehow, you’d avoided sharing your past with the prying teens. They didn’t know you’d once been a Gumm-Gumm spy. You were just a cool mage who hung around for fun.

That all came crashing down when Bular crawled out of the woodwork, revealed your identity, almost killed your friends, and got you in a chokehold for a solid two minutes.

Centuries of work were finally paying off, he would, at last, have his revenge! He would regain his honour after being so shamefully defeated the last time he fought you.

Then Jim killed him. Rip. 

You got your old sword back though. That was nice.

The trollhunter may have saved your life and given you your sword back, but the damage was done. You all avoided each other after that.

That was a lie, you were still looking out for these damn kids. You owed it to Barbara, who had grown up to be a fantastic doctor and who still had a few plastic bones in a box in the attic. She had been so kind and welcoming to you, you had to make sure her son came home every day. It was a difficult task when said son was all too willing to yeet himself into the Darklands, but you managed for the most part.

And when you heard a voice that followed you for centuries talking to your kids, it was the Darklands all over again. There was nothing you could do but watch.

You could have laughed at how much Jim hated Douxie. The kid had no idea he was telling a centuries-old wizard to go back to where he came from. You kept your eye on the conversation, waiting until it ended. Then, with no other choice available to you, you followed after the wizard.

How Douxie had built himself a life in Arcadia without you knowing was incredible and you respected the hell out of him for it. But you didn’t know if you loved it. 

You followed behind him, silent as the night. And then you realised just what was happening. You stopped and went home after that.

And when you got there you screamed.

You screamed, and threw a sword at the wall, and broke several plates because this wasn’t supposed to happen. You weren’t supposed to see him again. Now he was in danger, and it was your fault.

You didn’t leave your house for a few days.

Then the teachers at Jim’s school went nuts, and you figured you should get back in the field. 

You’d been monitoring Claire’s sudden illness from afar when he showed up again, this time a waiter at whatever restaurant this was. At some point, Claire left, and came back, and was acting... weird. Something was very wrong.

But that didn’t matter because there he was again. It was like you couldn’t escape him.

It was an active struggle to keep yourself away. Literally, an active struggle.

You’d tried to put it out of your mind, but the more you saw him, the more you remembered. The things that took you hadn’t only tortured you, trying to turn you into their full-time servant, but they’d also put some kind of spell or curse on you.

It was after the third one left if you remembered correctly. The remaining duo had been so angry, specifically at Merlin for some reason, so they put some kind of curse on you, forcing you to make attempts on Douxie’s life whenever he was in your general vicinity. 

Why they went after Douxie instead of Merlin himself you’d never know. The wizard was an easier target while he slept, but nope. They went for Douxie.

You were confused, angry, and hurt. At both parties. You had been tortured for ten years. Had he not felt any of it? Had he not cared enough to help you? Or even stop your pain which he must’ve been feeling? It felt like a betrayal of sorts. He kissed you and then didn’t come for you when you were in danger. Was that all he wanted? 

Even though you were upset by your apparent abandonment, you didn’t want Douxie dead. This wasn’t the twelfth century anymore, and you had to admit to yourself, you were still in love with him. You weren’t going to kill him.

So you clung to the roof, even after Douxie had left for the night. You stayed in place until the sun rose, struggling not to go after him. Eventually, you let go, moving on with your day, avoiding Hisirdoux Casperan to the best of your ability.

You actually did a decent job until the Eternal Night.

It was a pretty nasty battle, but you were handling it pretty well.

Or you were until you got yourself backed into a corner by yet another Gumm-Gumm calling you a traitor, probably facing certain death when someone struck the thing with a guitar.

“Casperan!?”

“(Y/N)!? What are you doing here?”

“It doesn’t matter,” you said, crawling to your feet, trying to keep yourself from throwing the sword in your hand at Douxie’s head.

“I- you’re right. Are you okay?”

“No, I-” your voice broke and you backed away further, “I’m not. Get away from me,”

You ran before you could see the pain leak into Douxie’s eyes before you could see the heartbreak on his face.

Ten minutes later the fight was finished.

A little after that, Jim and Claire were off to New Jersey.

You stayed behind.

Why did you do that? You asked yourself the same question. Staying in Arcadia put Douxie in danger and forced you into close proximity with the man who’d left you for dead. 

But still, you stayed.

Maybe it was to protect Toby and Arrrgh, maybe it was because you liked your small apartment, maybe it was because you knew there was more trouble on the horizon. Or maybe it was because you were still in love with that stupid wizard.

You lost a lot of sleep over it. You saw his face in your sleep, thought of him when you practiced medicine. Every time you woke up from a war-related nightmare, you remembered how comforting his presence was. You remembered every hug he’d ever given you, the jokes he made, and that kiss. You remembered that kiss.

All you had was memories because if you even looked at his face, you’d kill him.

You did your best to distract yourself. You teamed up with Toby, Arrrgh, Steve, Eli and the Akiridions to stop an alien threat. It still wasn’t enough.

And when the alien threat was gone, you felt pain all over your body. It didn’t belong to you. You weren’t too alarmed, usually, torture was worse than this, but it kinda felt like Douxie had been dragged down the street by something for six(teen) blocks.

You were about to mention it when your posse ran into a familiar familiar.

“Beware! You, you! Are in grave danger!”

“Archie?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last chapter before we hit wizards again lol


	15. Spellbound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HERE WE GO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who’s swearing again, reader is generally sad lol, mentions of torture

“Beware! You, you! Are in grave danger!”

“Archie?”

You were very surprised to see the familiar and very glad that whatever made you want to hurt Douxie didn’t apply to him. 

“(Y/N)?”

“Heyyy, Arch,”

“(Y/N), where have you been? Douxie’s been looking for you everywhere!”

“That’s what I’m worried about,”

“Wait, (Y/N), you know the talking cat?” Toby exclaimed, frantically between you and the cat-dragon.

“He’s a familiar, actually,”

“Familiar?”

“Nuh-uh, not familiar, I would remember if I’d met a talking cat,”

“No, familiar, wizard-assistant,”

“Assistant! That’s very offensive, I am a wizard associate, thank you very much,”

“Yeah, okay, semantics, what do you need Arch?”

“I need you to come with me, or the world as you know it will come to end,”

You sighed, rubbing your temples. Had you and your gang of stray children, trolls, and Akiridions not saved the planet enough for one year? What sin did you commit to cause these unending apocalypses to rain down on you?

“Are you threatening me pussy cat?”

You put a hand on Steve’s shoulder, a little worried that he would actually try to fight Archie. It wouldn’t be too out of character for him.

“No, I’m warning you,” Archie responded, calm as ever, “Put simply, the world as you know it is about to end,”

“What else is new,” you muttered, following the cat-dragon down the street, “C’mon guys, let’s see what wants to destroy the universe now,”

Toby, Steve and Arrrgh kept up the conversation while you followed Archie in silence, silently praying that wherever the familiar led you, his wizard would be far away.

Your prayers went unanswered. 

“Sorry, this is a lot to take in. Pets can talk? The world is ending? Again?”

“Not the best timing, I know, but we need your help all the same,”

“Douxie?”

“Casperan,”

“(Y/N)?”

“Wait, (Y/N), you know this guy too!?” 

You froze in place at Steve’s question, looking briefly into Douxie’s eyes. If it hadn’t been physically painful to avoid killing him whenever you were in the same place, it still would’ve been emotionally painful. How could you look into the eyes of the one person you could always count on, the man you loved, when he had left you for dead? How could you look into his eyes knowing you had been sent to kill him? Centuries had passed, and yet you still felt like the traitor you’d always been.

“We’re acquaintances,” you said, stepping back in a desperate attempt to quell the bloodlust rising within you, trying to escape the rage that wasn’t yours.

You avoided looking into Douxie’s eyes again, but the hurt on his face was clear to you, even if you weren’t staring directly at it.

“Wait, wait, hold up, I thought you worked at the cafe or were a model or something-?”

Douxie laughed a little, trying to shake off your icy demeanour, “There’s a lot about me you don’t know,” 

The cuff on his wrist glowed blue, the light forming an orb in the palm of his hand. The teenagers in front of you were wide-eyed, amazed by Douxie’s use of magic. You just shook your head and kept trying not to kill your oldest friend.

He pressed the orb to the door of the bookshop, unlocking it, “Come on then, the answers to all your questions are within,”

“Sure they are,” you muttered, hanging back as the boys filed into the store. You took a second to look at Arcadia’s Arcane bookstore, one of the few places in town you’d never actually been to. When Douxie started working there, you decided that avoiding the shop was a key part of not committing murder. The same went for the cafe, and anywhere else the wizard went.

“(Y/N)?” Speak of the devil, it was the wizard. The one whose life you were trying to save, “C’mon, I need you for this, too,”

“I-” you looked down, desperately searching for an excuse. End of the world or not, saving Douxie from yourself was more important. Maybe you should’ve just left Arcadia.

“(Y/N),” his voice was soft, just as you remembered it. The way he looked at you made you want to cry. There was so much love in his eyes. Left for dead or not, you couldn’t deny he did care about you, “Please,”

He reached out, his hand gently clasping around your wrist. No matter how much you longed for his touch, you tore your hand from his grip as if you’d been burned.

“Fine, Douxie, I’ll join you on whatever hell-quest this is, but you have to promise that you’ll stay away from me,”

He was shocked, clearly taken aback by what you said, “That’s… that’s fine, but why?”

It killed you to hear how heartbroken he sounded, “I’ll explain later, let’s just go,”

The hurt in your voice hit him hard. The way you’d jerked your hand back left him feeling as if he’d done something wrong. Whatever it was, Douxie promised himself that he would figure it out and apologize to you and make it better. He didn’t need you to forgive him, he just wanted you to smile again. He wanted to see the light in your eyes, the one that he’d been falling in love with since at least the fifteen-hundreds, even if he wasn’t the cause of it. Ever since you’d disappeared, you’d been distant. The few chances he got to look at you, you’d seemed haunted. He wanted to help you so bad, but he couldn’t do anything unless you let him.

Silently, the two of you walked through the door.

Inside the shop, various objects floated about, surrounded by a green hue. You recognized that magic. It had cursed you years ago and had cursed Jim more recently. Merlin.

“Put that down! Thank the ether you’re here! We haven’t a moment to waste,”

“Woah, crusty creepy dude,” 

You laughed at that, trying to keep yourself quiet and failing. You wouldn’t say it to Merlin’s face, but those were your thoughts almost exactly. The old wizard ignored both you and Steve.

“I had hoped for more Hisirdoux,”

“Jeez, thanks Merlin,”

“Silence, traitor,”

You rolled your eyes into the back of your head. Would no one let you live that down? 

As if Douxie sensed your discomfort, the young wizard took the attention off of you, “Look, I tried, I couldn’t find the changelings or the aliens. I’m pretty sure most left the planet,”

“Merlin! It’s me! Toby Domzalski! Y’know, War Hammer, Guardian of Arcadia, Geology Club president,”

“No one could forget you chatty,”

“Oh my god, Merlin, what have I told you about talking to kids!” 

Since the old man had awoken from his nine-century long sleep, you’d tried to convince him to do two things. Call Douxie, because the young wizard deserved to know what was going on and you couldn’t tell him yourself, and be nicer to the children for god’s sake.

“And Steve Palchuk! Creepslayer!”

“I have no idea who you are, but we’re desperate. Thankfully, we have the brute,”

“Because, y’know, the traitor is of no use to you,” you muttered, scooping up Archie, trying to interrupt a dispute between him and Arrrgh. Fortunately, the familiar did not struggle to get away from you despite your cold attitude towards his wizard. That, at the very least, brought you some relief.

“Wait, where’s Jimbo and Claire? I thought they were with you?”

“Yeah, good question Merlin, where’ are the kids you’re in charge of?”

“Answers forthcoming. Make preparations, we’ve a journey ahead. And don’t-”

“But Master!”

“‘But Master,’ me,”

“Very typical,” you sighed, releasing Archie from your hold. Your attention was brought back to Douxie.

“But… are you sure you want to count on these children? They’re clearly not ready for this,”

He was partially right. Your kids had seen battle before and could probably take whatever was thrown at them, but that didn’t mean they should have to. They deserved a break.

Steve scoffed, “Excuse me, college dude, these children fought off a fifty-foot extraterrestrial,” he made a good point despite it being an obvious brag, and it would have held some weight, had he not promptly gotten into a scuffle with an enchanted set of armour. 

You watched, cringing a bit, before turning your attention to Merlin and Douxie’s conversation.

“I’ve spent years preparing, centuries-!” All true, once again. You could say what you wanted about Hisirdoux Casperan, but you couldn’t deny he was more than capable when it came to magic. You'd seen his magic improve over the centuries, and you knew for a fact that he could kick some ass.

“Silence!” Merlin cut Douxie off, reminding you ever so slightly of your Camelot days. You wanted, desperately, to comfort your friend, but being in the same room was hard enough. If you touched him, he would die.

“I mean, silence, all of you,” Merlin corrected himself, “Can you not hear that?”

You could hear nothing, but you stopped to listen anyway. Beside you, Toby drew his hammer, readying for a battle.

You still couldn’t hear it.

“Something wicked this way comes,”

You squeezed your eyes shut, tired and stressed, but willing to fight. You drew your sword, and in front of you, blue magic circled around Douxie’s wrist. Your body was telling you to murder him right now, show him no mercy, go for the throat, but you held back. Now was not the time to kill your friends.

Merlin and Douxie walked past you to look out the window. You joined them, squinting to try and make out what lurked in the murky darkness, only to jump back when a shadow mephit flung itself at the glass in front of you. It bounced off a shield of blue, tumbling off into the street to join its brothers and sisters, all of which now came into view.

“Shadow mephits? Traitor, did you lead them here?”

“You do know I have a name, right?”

“No, no, it wasn’t (Y/N), it was me, or at least I think it was,”

“Yes, it was us,” Archie said, jumping onto a shelf next to Douxie. You would’ve laughed at the familiar’s candor, had the shadow mephits been less interested in breaking in.

Merlin just shook his head, “He found us. The barrier won’t hold for long. We must make egress! Tobias, take my things!”

With a wave of Merlin’s hand, a trunk, surrounded by the green glow of his magic, slammed into Toby and flew him up to the roof, screaming.

“For god’s sake, Merlin,” he couldn’t hear you through the attack, but it was the sentiment that counted.

But then again nothing really mattered. A mephit broke through the barrier, only to face a bolt of magic from Merlin, “All of you to the roof!”

You grabbed Steve and Arrrgh and started up the stairs. Douxie, of course, didn’t listen to his master. You couldn’t hear the argument that took place between them as you guided your companions up the stairs, but you could see what was going on below you. You had to admit, Douxie blasting shadow mephits while standing his ground in an argument was pretty damn impressive (impressive here meaning hot.)

Merlin moved past you, blasting some mephits as he went. You took initiative and sent some magic their way as well, knocking a few away from Archie. Douxie grabbed his familiar with magic, saving the cat-dragon from a very mephit-y death.

“C’mon Douxie,” you said, waiting for him by the door, crying out slightly when the nerd rammed his hand into a candle, feeling the burn on your own hand. Your wizard took a brief moment to look at you, then the candle before lighting the bookstore on fire.

To be fair, it was a magic fire, and it wasn’t damaging anything but the mephits. You were actually quite impressed by that, too, and you were very charmed by his laughter once he saw that his plan worked. Merlin, however, didn’t care.

“Fire!?”

“Yeah, magic fire!”

“In a bookstore!!?”

“Butmephitsarevulnerabletofire-”

“Move it!”

You grabbed Archie, jumping out the door to see your friends fighting off even more shadow mephits.

“Got any more magic fire, Doux?”

“‘M afraid I’m fresh out,”

“Ah. Fuck,”

You swung your sword into the nearest mephit, “I guess we’ll have to do this the old fashioned way then,” You buried the blade in another one of the creatures before placing Archie on the ground and blocking a blow from yet another mephit.

“Stand back!” Merlin exclaimed, throwing a crystal ball that released a small ship from inside of it. The blast from the ship blew back a few of the mephits long enough for everyone to have a two-second gawk at the little boat.

“Woah, ship just got real!”

“Yeah-huh,”

“Everyone on!” Arrrgh growled, tossing all of you on board. 

You frantically scuttled away from Douxie, double-checking your blade to be sure it didn’t have his blood on it. It didn’t. He was safe. From you, at least.

You stuck to one side of the ship, watching your friends fight off more shadow mephits on the other side. You sincerely hoped they’d never have to fight you like that.

You heard someone say, “Boy,” from below, a voice that was eerily familiar to one you had heard before, not too long ago. You were about to rise and check to see if your suspicions were correct, but before you had the chance, green shards flew through the air, just like-

Just like the one that had gone through you.

You didn’t have time to ponder things as Merlin’s ship flew off through the night sky. You just sat back and shut your eyes, trying to keep the internal demons at bay.

You did your best to erase the memory from your mind. To forget a green knight who, on the orders of his masters, sent a shard of black magic right through you. You should have died, but instead, the projectile broke through your skin and disintegrated, taking over your body, turning you into an assassin against your will. Your captors had called it a trial, an experiment. Sneaking a look at one of the shards beside you, you realized that you had been a test run. That shard hadn’t disintegrated.

You kept your eyes shut.

A few minutes later, the memories faded. You could relax, finally. The sound of the boys screaming with joy rang through the air. Flying was fun, you had to admit that. You opened your eyes, first looking at Steve, Arrrgh, and Toby, then at Douxie. 

He was beautiful, staring off into the distance as if there was nothing in the world to worry about. As if the assassin sent to kill him wasn’t at his side right now. You bit the inside of your cheek to keep any emotion from showing. You couldn’t let them know anything was wrong, if you did they’d never trust you again. But what you felt was overwhelming.

You were stressed, not knowing what was to come in the future, nor what your captors would do to you if they knew your target was still alive. You were hurt, because over the ten years that you’d been tortured your best friend hadn’t searched for you, even though he had before. Was he tired of you? Did he just not care anymore? You were scared of the answer. And worst of all, you were in love. But you refused to admit it.

“What the heck is that?”

You turned your attention to the horizon before you, “That’s not-”

“Welcome, young squires, to Camelot,”

“Camelot!? Like, as in ancient-old-people-times Camelot!?”

“Thanks, Toby,” you snarked under your breath. You heard a snicker from beside you. You made him laugh. That made you feel a lot better. You even smiled when you thought Douxie wasn’t looking. Maybe things wouldn’t be so bad.

He was looking. His fondness for seeing his old home dulled in comparison to his fondness for you. The small smile on your lips was enough to power his world for decades, no, centuries. You still seemed troubled, but if you smiled now, there was still hope that he could help you make things better. 

“Excuse me, I have a question. How is this castle flying right now?” 

“The Heart of Avalon. Its magic keeps Camelot aloft, powered by time itself,”

You took a moment to lean over the side of the ship, examining the large green stone. It was nice. Reminded you of Merlin’s magic. The ship took a sudden turn upwards, and Merlin called out a greeting to someone.

“Holy crap, Gallahad’s still alive?”

“Seems that way,”

“I guess committing treason means you miss the weekly newsletter,”

You missed Douxie’s frown at your angsty humour. He wanted you to know that no matter what Merlin called you, you were no longer a traitor. You wished that could be true.

The ship took another sharp turn, heading for the entrance.

“I say, coming in a little hot, don’t you think?”

“Rubbish!”

“I knew Merlin would be the death of me, but not like this,”

You held on tight as the ship landed, but it wasn’t enough. The impact launched you into Douxie, who managed to catch you, only for you to jump out of his arms, even though you would’ve liked to stay there.

“Sorry,” you whispered, once again straining to avoid murder.

If Merlin didn’t try to execute you for past treasons, he would definitely kill you for murdering his favourite apprentice. Of course, that was only one of several reasons to avoid committing homicide, but it was the most prevalent right now as Merlin caught your eye.

Toby, Steve and Douxie exchanged banter, while you spoke in lower tones with your once master.

“So, you still haven’t gotten over your petty rivalry, have you?

“It’s not that, Master, I-”

“So we’re back to Master, are we?”

“It’s only fitting seeing that we’re back in Camelot,”

“If that’s the case, I should have you killed for treason,”

You weren’t sure if that was a joke or not, but your response was one hundred percent serious, “Please do,”

Merlin turned to you, fairly concerned. He was not expecting that retort, to say the least. But you weren’t looking at him. You were looking back at his apprentice, something he couldn’t name trapped in your gaze.

“Uh, cool floating castle ship,” Toby interrupted both your and Merlin’s train of thought, “But what’s the grave danger you keep talking about?”

Merlin didn’t answer, instead, he looked ahead of him, “Ah, there you are,”

“Claire!”

“Toby!”

“Aarghaumont!”

“Blinky!”

You grinned as your friends hugged each other. It was good for them to be back together again. 

“Whoa, hey, Steve’s here, too! How ‘bout- how ‘bout some love for Steve?”

As much as you admired Steve’s growth as a person, you had to cringe, just a little.

“Oh, hi Steve,” Claire said, unimpressed before her eyes turned to you, “(Y/N)! Hi!”

“Hey, Claire, Blink,” you gave a small wave, too emotionally and physically exhausted for anything else at this point.

“What happened to you guys?” Toby asked, frantically taking in Claire and Blinky’s worse for wear appearances, “Wait, where’s Jim?”

The look on Claire’s face told you everything you needed to know.

One room over, Jim was encased in a green crystal… thing. 

You knelt to the ground next to Jim’s crystal and immediately began your assessment. The trollhunter’s face, arms and legs seemed to be fine, but a shard of something had embedded itself in his chest. Unfortunately, you recognized it. It was the same thing your captors used to force you into becoming an assassin. It looked like the shard had gotten about halfway in before stopping, completely intact, above Jim’s heart. You didn’t need to be a doctor to know that that wasn’t a good thing, but you were a doctor, and you needed to get a closer look before you could do anything. Before you could get any closer, your attention went back to the conversation taking place between everyone else in the room.

“What happened to him?”

“We were ambushed. Some ancient, dark warrior. An unstoppable knight clad in green,” 

Your blood ran cold. You were right. Same knight, same shard, and eventually, same outcome. You didn’t want to think about that. You refused to consider the implications.

“Master, is that the same knight we saw at the bookstore?”

“One and the same,”

You swore under your breath. This could not be happening. You never wanted to deal with your captors ever again, but here they were, knocking at your door and trying to kill more of your friends.

“That onyx shard is working its way towards his heart. I placed the boy in stasis, stalling its progress… for now,”

“But that’s not a permanent solution, is it?” you muttered, deciding to distract yourself from thoughts of the green knight by trying to find a way to fix this problem. 

If you removed the shard, it might leave a gaping hole in Jim’s chest, one that would need more than a few stitches, that is if you could pull the shard out at all. You weren’t super sure whether it would disintegrate or not, and if it did, that might kick start whatever possession your captors had planned for Jim. 

If you couldn’t remove the shard, stasis was the best idea until you figured out how to remove it. Maybe it could be burnt away? But that might kick start disintegration. No, that would just burn the boy, and impalement was bad enough. You racked your brain, struggling to find a solution. Around you, your friends were talking, but you barely listened. You needed to focus, otherwise, you’d explode from nerves alone.

“If I had my shadow staff, I could have saved him,”

“Who is this Green Knight? How do I get my hands on him?”

“I do not know. The Green Knight said but one name, which chilled me to the bone. Morgana,”

The name of the Eldritch queen caught your attention. You stood up, eyes now focused on Merlin.

“Oh, I hate that lady. But wait, I thought we kicked her bewitched butt to the shadow realm?”

“Which he appeared not to know, but he bore the emblem of Camelot,”

Great. Just great, the last thing you needed was Camelot zombies, and yet, here they were! Merlin took a few steps away from Jim before turning and heading out the door, and into the night. The gang followed though you stayed behind, taking one last look at Jim. You’d failed him. You were supposed to be a doctor, and a protector, but here he was, nearly dead because you left him alone with Merlin for more than two seconds.

“Come with me, quickly. I fear the answer lies in the past,” 

You turned away from Jim, following behind the others, avoiding Douxie and staying silent.

“A dark menace is coming, one even I cannot face alone,” The old wizard led you into another tower, stopping at a table in the center and opening up a time map, “You are all now soldiers in a war started centuries ago for the world of magic,”

You scoffed slightly, “Yeah, what else is new,”

Merlin ignored you, “Once, the realms of Magic and Man clashed in endless bloodshed. King Arthur sought to wipe out magic that ravaged the lands in his war against Gunmar,” blue light from the time map displayed images of Arthur and Gunmar as the old wizard spoke. 

You turned your eyes to the floor at the sight of your old master. It hadn’t been long since you’d seen the old trolls face, but it still brought a sense of anxiety with it. The Gumm-Gumm king had trained you to be afraid, to be a fighter. He’d pretty much ruined your childhood, but there was no time for angst now. Merlin was still expositing.

“I brought what few spellcasters I could under my protection, to spare them from the sword,”

“Including myself, (Y/N)-”

“That’s technically false,”

“Oh, and Morgana le Fay,”

“She was the finest student I ever taught… until she tried to kill me. Thankfully, in my all-seeing wisdom,” you rolled your eyes again. Merlin kept talking, “I created a secret weapon- the Trollhunter amulet. The war came to a standstill and I imprisoned Morgana at the Battle of Killahead Bridge,”

“Only for her to break out nine hundred years later,”

“Shush,” Merlin finally acknowledged you, “This Green Knight that assailed us was clearly born of dark magicks, but I have no memory of him nor what connection he could have to Morgana,”

You bit your lip, remembering the shard used to curse you. You had a very vague idea of the connection between the Eldritch queen and the Green Knight.

“We know not what he is, nor why he pursues us, though his presence is a dire omen of things to come,”

You also had a decent idea of why the knight was pursuing you. Or, at least pursuing Merlin. If this green knight was, in fact, the same that served your captors, it was likely he was doing their bidding just as you were. With the knight, they’d targeted Merlin directly, or, at the very least his trollhunter. In your case, you’d been sent to kill one of the very few people Merlin actually cared about. Either way, they were coming for Merlin, or for what he had. 

Back in your prison, you had two main captors. You’d only briefly met the third, the one they’d lost. From what you’d gathered, the other two assumed she ran to Merlin, and judging by size alone, it was very possible that she was hiding somewhere here, in Camelot. 

It was either that, or they were coming after you specifically for not murdering Douxie fast enough, but that didn’t seem likely.

The sound of a bell ringing shook you from your thoughts.

Something hit the side of the castle, knocking everyone to the floor.

“What’s happening?”

“Have you never been under attack before? To the battlements!”

You followed Merlin and the squad outside to see your worst nightmare come to life.

Your once-prison, the ship of your captors, the Arcane Order, rose into view.

“Oh. Fuck,” your eyes widened as you took in the skull-shaped ship for the second time this century.

“Everyone, get to safety! Now!”

Merlin didn’t have to ask you twice. You grabbed whoever was nearest to you and scrambled to find the safest place possible. It was kind of difficult while Camelot shook from each attack, but you managed.

You shoved Toby, Claire and Steve into a small sheltered balcony of sorts, raising your hands and casting a shield around the four of you. Debris bounced off of the magic you’d projected. Merlin was yelling something, but you kept your focus, straining to stay in place as ice hit the ship, forming bridges between the Arcane Order and Camelot. It didn’t work very well. The shield came down around you, but there was no time to set it up again. 

The kids ran towards the edge of the ship, their weapons drawn. You followed behind.

“All of a sudden, flying castles aren’t so cool!”

“You said it, Steve,”

The ship shook some more as fire and ice attacked it. You watched, wide-eyed, as the demi-gods who had tortured you for ten years sent blast after blast at what had once been your home.

“We‘ve got to protect Jim! I’m not losing him again!” Claire exclaimed as shadow mephits began to cross the icy bridges connecting them to Camelot.

You took two mephits out with your sword while Toby yelled something about hammers. The four of you continued your fight, taking out as many goblins and shadow mephits as possible. It didn’t take too long for you to clear a path, making your way to Jim and the trolls.

Another blast of ice carved its way into the tower in front of you, forcing you to remember that same ice carving its way into your skin.

“Surrender, Merlin,” 

That voice made you want to vomit. You took a few steps back, not even bothering to prepare a spell or level your sword at an opponent. You were somewhere else now.

Fortunately, you didn’t have to do much in terms of freeing the ship. One of the towers crashed into the bridges of ice, releasing Camelot from the Arcane Order’s hold and snapping you out of your traumatized haze.

You followed Claire and Steve up to the main tower, where Douxie was trying his best to steer the ship. 

“Please don’t blow us up, please don’t blow us up,”

“We don’t have enough power for the jump!” Archie sounded as panicked as you felt.

“Trust in Merlin!” Scratch that, Douxie’s panicked shouting was much more like you.

“No thanks!”

Green fire surrounded whatever the hell device was controlling the ship, giving it enough power to tear a hole in time and space.

“We have to steer Camelot through the time rift!”

You would have helped if you hadn’t been slammed into one of the railings, left to cling on for your life. That was probably fine, Douxie, Claire and Steve were managing.

“IT ENDS,” it was the green knight’s voice again, “NOW,”

Panic surged through your veins as something hit the ship, tipping it, and sending you all flying. You held onto whatever you could, trying not to freefall through the air. Jim’s crystal nearly fell on you, instead, it fell down and into the time rift, which was probably worse than him just crushing you, but you couldn’t really think of that right now.

“What do we do man?”

“Trust me!” Douxie exclaimed, grabbing Claire and pulling her with him into the rift. You watched them fall, still panicking.

“Whatever, I have nothing better to do,” you joked, trying to calm your nerves. It wasn’t working. You let go and fell through the night and into a different time.

The sky changed.

It was daytime now.

You were still falling though.

“This is gonna hurt!”

“It- Does- Hurt!” Steve voiced your thoughts perfectly.

The wind was knocked from your lungs as you hit blue forcefield after blue forcefield and then the ground. The landing was pretty rough, but the good news was you were all alive.

The four of you remained lying on the ground for a moment before Steve began to freak out, something about being blind, before he was hit in the head with Jim’s crystal tomb.

The boy groaned, “What just happened?”

“Well, I just conjured an anti-gravity spell to slow our fall and keep us from dying. You’re welcome,”

“Thanks for not letting us die a horrible, horrible death, Casperan,” you said, sitting up. You did a quick check to make sure nothing was broken before you realized. You didn’t have an innate drive to murder the wizard anymore. You laughed a little, realizing the curse was broken, for now at least.

“(Y/N)? You okay, love?”

“I am much better than okay,” You turned to see Douxie’s very concerned face, elated to find that you didn’t want to kill him anymore, “I’ll explain later,”

“Douxie,” Claire asked, calling your attention to her, “Where is the flying castle?”

“Oh, fuzzbuckets! Well, it would appear we’ve had ourselves a temporal accident,”

“Which means?”

Douxie didn’t have time to answer before a sword was pointed at his throat. It wasn’t yours though, so that was nice.

You looked around to see your little group surrounded by guards, all of them with weapons pointing at you.

“It means, that we are lost in time,”

“Motherfu-”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayyyyyyyyyyyyyy, it's hereeeeee


	16. History in the Making

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i swear some more

“What manner of sorcery is this?”

“Wow,” Steve breathed out, stunned by the knight before him.

“Sir Lancelot, um-”

“He’s so handsome,”

“Has Lancelot always looked like Obi-Wan Kenobi?” you didn’t mean to say that out loud, but you were doing better than Steve, who was speaking intentionally as far as you knew.

“I- we-”

“Wait! Aren’t you Merlin’s errand boy?

“Apprentice, actually. So are they,” he gestured towards you, and you gave a little wave.

“He’s like an angel-man,”

You and Douxie took a moment to look at Steve, who was lost in the Lancelot sauce, so much so that he leaned on Jim’s crystal a little too hard, shattering it.

“The devil-?”

“What? How did I-” Jim rose from the scattered remains of crystal as if rising from the dead.

“Jim!” Claire cried out, hugging her boyfriend, “Are you okay?”

“TROLL! Troll, to arms!”

“Here we go again,” you muttered, standing and preparing for a fight. Camelot guards had never liked magic, so you were kind of used to fighting them. Before you could do anything, Douxie stepped in.

“Wait! Chill out, lads,”

“Chill? Out?”

“Take a breath, all right? He’s one of the good ones,”

“There are no good ones,” Lancelot said, shoving Douxie to the ground, making your blood boil.

“There never are,” you growled, raising your hands a little higher.

“Monsters are forbidden in Arthur’s lands. You’ll hang before the king for your insolence,”

“Whoa, he even talks like an angel,” 

You lowered your hands completely, looking at Steve in mild disbelief. You could empathize with getting distracted. Had you not been distracted mid-task by Douxie’s mere existence before? You had, and therefore understood, but even then, you could read the room.

“Wait, what’s an ‘insolence,’?”

This distraction allowed the guards to capture your posse, put Jim in a cage, and lead you to the castle.

“Let go of me! I want my one phone call!” You could hear Steve give up, “This place was cooler flying.

You shook your head, very amused by the blond kid.

“Claire, what happened? What are we doing at a Renn fair?” The boy tried to reach for his girlfriend, stretching his fingers out into the sunlight. You winced when they burned.

“We’re prisoners in the, uh, Dark Ages, I’d say mid-twelfth century, with no way home. It’s not an ideal situation,”

“It never is,” you snarked, watching Steve get pulled around by the guards.

“Ideal!? Jim has a shard of evil magic in his chest!” She gestured to the caged trollhunter, bringing your attention to the thing sticking out of his ribs.

“Actually, I’m still hurt, but it feels different somehow,”

Both you and Douxie drew closer for a better look, “Mordrax’s miracles, he’s right! When we jumped back in time, it must have frozen the corruption in place,”

“Huh, I guess that’s why I don’t want to kill you anymore,”

“I’m sorry, what? What do you mean  _ anymore _ ?” Douxie was a little wounded. He’d been working off of the assumption that the two of you were no longer enemies, locked in an ages-old battle, fighting for dominance. And besides that, you two couldn’t kill each other even if you wanted too, there were too many risks and unknowns there, so what exactly was going on with you?

You didn’t give an answer, lifting your hands in mock surrender, “Ah, yeah, I’ll explain-”

“Later, I know,”

“Uh, seems I missed a lot. Don’t you work at the cafe?”

“Part-time. And thanks for always tipping, by the way,” 

You grinned a little, proud of Barbara for raising her son well. 

“He’s Merlin’s apprentice,”

“Like (Y/N)?”

“I was only technically his apprentice, and that was for, like, six months. Douxie’s fully committed,”

The wizard smirked at you, and you smirked right back. Man, had you missed him.

“It’s a long story,” Claire explained as Lancelot cried for someone to open the gates.

“We have foreigners awaiting judgment for King Arthur!”

“Nah, no worries, Camelot’s my old turf. Just follow my lead, be inconspicuous,”

Claire looked back at you, almost asking if you could trust Douxie. You nodded, slightly. You may have had a centuries-long rivalry with the wizard beside you, but there was no one you trusted more.

In the throne room, Jim was thrown to the ground. It took all of your willpower not to fight all of the guards right then and there.

“Here are the trespassers, my lord,” Lancelot said, walking behind you as Steve saluted and you, Douxie and Claire bowed.

“A troll? I thought I made it clear your kind are unwelcome when I banished you all from the realm,”

“Don’t you mean ‘betrayed,’?” The Eldritch queen asked, passing your group.

Claire didn’t hide her desire to attack Morgana, but you and Douxie managed to hold her back, “Inconspicuous, remember?”

Morgana continued her speech, but you didn’t listen. You just watched your former friend. This was how you wanted to remember her. Not angry, clad in gold and trying to kill your friends, but human, and fighting for a cause that you could quite honestly get behind.

You snapped out of your thoughts when Douxie spoke again, voice cracking a little bit, “Your highness, it’s good to see you again,”

“And you are?”

“Hisirdoux, Merlin’s apprentice,” the wizard said, bowing, “I assure you he is no threat,”

“That’s my judgment to make, boy,” you were seriously going to fight Arthur if he kept talking to your friends like that.

“Trolls are born of magic as you are of blood,” Morgana said, casting a spell that made a holographic flower appear in front of the king, “How is their nature a crime?”

“When they ravage our lands, take our loved ones from us,” Arthur grabbed the flower and the petals fell to the smaller throne next to him. You’d never actually met Gwenevere, but you knew her death was hard for everyone, especially the King.

“I made these laws to hold this fragile land together, and they will be abided! Leave the wood, the penalty is death!”

“Wait, hang on-” you said, eyes wide as the guards grabbed Jim, dragging him towards the sunlight.

“What? No! Wait, wait! I’m not a troll!”

“Whoa, hold- hold on!” You bit your lip as Douxie was grabbed by a guard, “Isn’t this a bit hasty?” 

You moved to help Douxie, or Jim, or anyone for that matter, but another guard grabbed you, holding you back.

“Bring him to the sunlight,”

“Jim, no!” Two more guards grabbed Steve and Claire.

You heard Jim scream as he was forced into the sunlight. The sound urged you to struggle harder, fighting to escape the guard’s grip.

“Stop!” The sun faded away. You turned to see Claire’s eyes had turned black.

“Morgana, is this your witchery? Cease it at once,”

“Just because you’re scared of him doesn’t mean he shouldn’t exist!” Claire said, escaping her guard and rushing to Kim’s side, “It doesn’t make him evil!”

“But it makes him dangerous,” Arthur explained, making his way towards the two teenagers.

“You don’t know the first thing about danger,” you said, keeping your voice low to avoid losing your head. The king didn’t hear you.

“I will not fail to protect my kingdom!”

“If you live in fear, that is failing!”

“The girl speaks the truth, please listen to her,”

It was a little weird to see Morgana defending Claire of all people, but this was a different time. One where Morgana had been kinder, less hell-bent on destruction. It was a nice change, to be honest.

“Fine, I will show the troll mercy. He will live… in the dungeon,”

You watched as the boy was dragged away, very conflicted about your options.

Claire tried to run after the trollhunter, only stopped by Douxie, “He’s alive. We’ll get him out eventually. Just trust me,”

“As for you, Hisirdoux, and... you,” he gestured towards you, clearly forgetting your name. You didn’t remind him. The fact that he recognized you as Merlin’s apprentice was enough, “Shouldn’t you be with Merlin?”

“Uh, yes. Well, I was busy recruiting these two,” he gestured vaguely to Claire and Steve, “They’re here to help in the- in the war!”

Nice save.

“This is Claire of the House of Nuñez, and…” he looked back at Steve, trying to come up with something, “Well, this is the village idiot,”

You had to hand it to him, this wasn’t bad improv.

Steve continued to brag, living up to the title of village idiot, while Douxie cringed and you hid your face in your hands, trying to pretend this wasn’t happening.

“Hmm, if you truly be friends of Camelot, then prove your worth. Hisirdoux, you,” you nodded as he continued to forget your name, “Rejoin Merlin. Sir Steve, to Lancelot in the barracks, as for you, Mistress Claire-”

“I’ll take the girl. I could use a new handmaiden,”

Claire looked very grumpy, but there wasn’t much anyone could do about it.

“It is done. Now, out! I have a kingdom to protect!”

You did as the king said, following Douxie, Claire and Steve to a small room somewhere in the castle. It was probably Douxie’s old room, but you didn’t give it much thought.

“Well, that went better than expected,”

“Yep, Arthur was just about as charming as he gets,”

“Are you kidding!?” Claire, clearly, did not agree, “Jim’s in prison and I’m the servant to a sorceress who tried to kill me!”

“Even worse, I can’t get a signal!” you wandered over to Steve, trying to help him with his problem. You didn’t know what you expected. This was a time before signals were even invented.

“Technically speaking, she hasn’t done that yet,”

“I don’t care! We’re not supposed to be here. We should be home, together, helping our friends in the present. Their present, the future! Whatever!” Claire said, and you felt a heavy weight settle in your chest as the girl sat down and began to cry. You didn’t blame her. This was a very stressful situation. You left Steve to struggle with his phone, sitting beside her and placing a hand on her shoulder.

“We can’t return home… yet,” Douxie said, thinking of some way to cheer up Claire, “Look, Merlin always insisted that we never mess with time,” the wizard knelt in front of you and the young sorceress, “We’ll have to find a way back without screwing up history, or there won’t be a future to go home to,”

“Aw man, just like in that movie, ‘Future Warrior 3,’ when the robots killed Alfred Einstein!” Steve exclaimed, continuing to make various kung-fu poses.

“That works?” you questioned, trying to remember if you’d ever seen that movie. Probably not. 

“Yeah, exactly,”

“So, how do we get home?” Claire asked, pulling your focus from bad sequels to real life, “You guys are the wizard experts here,” she looked between you and Douxie.

The wizard stared off for a moment, trying to think of something while you stared straight at the wall. Merlin had to have something that could help you. If this was the mid-twelfth century then he’d already been collecting magic artifacts for at least ten other centuries, that’s at least a thousand years of magical devices. In your time here, you had to have seen something that could help, one of those artifacts or tools had to do something that would benefit you. At the same time, you and Douxie sat straight up and exclaimed, “The time map!”

“It’s here with Merlin!” You said turning to the wizard, letting him continue.

“It could show us the way back to the present without damaging the past,”

The three of you stood, hopeful about this new plan. Steve sauntered over, resting an elbow on Douxie’s shoulder, “Then what are we waiting for Dumbledork,” you felt bad for giggling at that, “Let’s go get the Time Thingy!”

“What about Jim?”

“Lake’s probably safer down there than we are up here,”

“Well, you're not wrong,” you said, very suddenly remembering that the you from this time was a spy, and if you acted suspiciously, the blame would fall to spy/traitor you, possibly getting past you found out and executed. That would really mess up time. Either that or the little assassin would kill present you. That was also possible

“It’s settled. We’ll play our roles and stay out of trouble while (Y/N) and I get that map,”

The group nodded and headed off to act out their specific parts.

On the way to find the time map, and also Merlin, you turned to Douxie, deciding now was the best time you’d had so far to raise some of your concerns.

“So, you 

_ do _ realize that I’m currently a traitor and spy, right?”

“What?”

“No, I mean me from this time. I was a spy. If I do or say anything suspicious, past me might get found out and,” you drew your hand across your throat, signalling your own death, “That would probably mess up some timelines,”

“(Y/N),” Douxie took your hands in his own, “I’m not going to let anything hurt past or current you, okay? Believe me, you getting hurt is the last thing I want to happen,”

He sounded so sincere, you wished you could believe him.

“Then why-” your voice failed you, and you just gave up on asking. If the universe didn’t want the question answered, so be it.

“What is it?”

“It’s nothing, I’ll-”

“Explain later?”

“That’s not what I was going to say, but-”

“(Y/N), when is later? I don’t want to rush you, but I deserve to know why you disappeared and then ran from me as soon as you came back,” he moved one of his hands to brush over the side of your face before he continued. 

“I deserve to know what you meant when you said that you didn’t want to kill me anymore, and why you asked me to stay away from you. I can tell something is wrong, and I want to help you, but you have to let me. Please, (Y/N), just, promise me you will let me know. ” 

You took a moment, staring into hazel eyes that you were absolutely in love with. You  _ really _ wanted to kiss him, but for now, you just said, “I promise,”

“Thank you,”

You couldn’t control yourself. You had to hug him. And you did. You could feel him tense slightly before he relaxed, letting his arms rest around your waist. 

You weren’t sure if the drive to kill Douxie would come back when you returned to your time, but for now, you didn’t care. All you wanted to do was hug the man you loved while you still could. Maybe it was a bad idea. Maybe spending time with Douxie would get you addicted to him; to his voice, his eyes, his mannerisms, his  _ everything _ , and when the time came to avoid him again you wouldn’t be strong enough. But you couldn’t let yourself think that. You couldn’t think of the shard that dissolved inside your body, taking over a part of your mind. All you could do was let your best friend hold you and pretend that everything was okay for right now.

When you found Merlin, the two of you peered around a doorway, looking in to see Merlin lecturing Douxie. Past Douxie. Who had a man-bun.

“Ugh, that hair was a mistake,”

You failed to hide your laughter, “Really? I think it’s kind of cute,”

Douxie smiled at you before looking back at Merlin and his past self. He groaned, “I remember this,” He continued to mimic Merlin’s movements perfectly, forcing you to clamp your hand over your mouth to stifle your laughter.

Merlin finished his rant, leaving the past Douxie to clean up whatever mess the old wizard had been ranting about. With a flash of blue, your Douxe was dressed in his twelfth-century attire.

“Wait here, otherwise past me might try to kill you. Let’s hope this doesn’t break the time-space continuum,”

“Good luck, don’t get us killed,”

“I won’t,”

It was kind of nice, watching Douxie interact with his former self. You were certainly entertained, but you also hoped that you wouldn’t have to do that. Past Douxie was a smart kid with nothing to hide, and he was totally fine with your Douxie being a thing. Past you, on the other hand, was an ambitious, cunning and clever little shit with everything to hide and everything to lose. If past you found out that current you existed, and that current you, and current Douxie for that matter, knew the outcome of the war, the spy might actually interrogate or torture you to get that information. You weren’t super keen on getting tortured again anytime soon, so you really hoped to avoid that outcome.

“I know it looks bad, but I swear, I have things under control,”

“If that’s true, things in the future really have changed,”

Past Douxie was out, it was your time to shine, “Give him a break Arch, this Douxie usually has a pretty good grasp on things,” you moved out from your hiding spot, “At least he does after the sixteenth century,”

“(Y/N)? And you aren’t trying to kill each other?”

“It’s like you said Arch,” you reached down to scratch behind the familiar’s ears, “Things in the future have changed,”

You smiled at Douxie. He smiled back.

“Archie, you need to promise us that you won’t go blabbing to Merlin, got it? We need to stay incognito,” Douxie said, before his past self fell out of a closet, knocking him to the ground.

“Well, he does. I don’t plan on interacting with anyone, including my past self,”

“Any reason for that?”

“I was  _ very _ edgy,”

The familiar shrugged. You didn’t know cats could do that.

“Fine, this should be fun to watch,”

He wasn’t wrong. Watching Douxie attempt to shove his past self into a closet was fun, though it hurt a little. Not as much as when your Douxie got himself hurt, but enough to know it was there. It  _ was _ pretty entertaining to watch Douxie struggle with his past self, or it was until you heard Merlin, calling for Douxie. Then the panic hit.

“Doux, go, I’ve got this,” you jumped into the closet, taking past Douxie with you. You nodded at your Douxie to shut the doors. Blue magic sealed the closet shut, and you could hear Douxie head off to meet Merlin.

When the coast was clear, you stepped out of the closet, making sure past Douxie was as comfortable as possible. As a doctor, you couldn’t recommend sleeping in a closet, but there wasn’t really another option, at least, not one that wouldn’t raise questions.

If someone saw you carrying the limp body of someone who was supposed to be your worst enemy through the halls, they’d probably assume the worst, and you couldn’t really blame them. So, you let sleeping Douxies lie, and moved on to cause trouble elsewhere.

There was no trouble to get into.

Surprising, I know, but somehow, you found yourself with a lack of mischief to manage, so you found yourself roaming the halls of your old home, doing your best to avoid any interaction. It wasn’t so different from the present, really.

Later in the day, you found yourself walking beneath a balcony. Above you, you could hear an argument. After a day of feeling pretty useless, this caught your attention.

“I’ll not endanger my people by keeping enemies within these walls!”

“Wait, wait, you wouldn't-!”

“We destroy those monsters at dawn,”

Shit. That didn’t sound good.

You scaled the side of the balcony, pulling yourself up and over the edge to see Morgana and Claire watching Arthur storm off. Yep, definitely not good. Then they turned to see you. That was probably worse.

“(Y/N)? What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be with Merlin?”

“Uh, yeah, I just-” you looked between Claire and the suspicious sorceress before you, “I just need to borrow your handmaiden. For a second. Thank you!”

Without waiting for a response, you picked up the girl and made your way off the balcony and back to Douxie’s room.

Upon reaching it, you and Claire burst in slamming the door behind you, “Uh, Douxie? We have a problem,”

“We have to change history! Arthur’s had enough. The Trolls are gonna die at sunrise!”

“Oh, blimey Balroths-”

“You know you can just say fuck, right?” You interrupted. 

“I will, I will, but how are we supposed to stop this and stay inconspicuous?” you walked closer to your friend, saddened by the troubled look in his eyes. You didn’t blame him for that. This was not a fun situation to be in, and you were extremely grateful that Douxie had taken the lead.

“It wouldn’t be a problem if I just had my shadow staff. I know you said to lay low, but we can’t let Jim die,”

“Yes, let’s see what this future Douxie is capable of,” Archie patted the wizard’s head twice, giving you the idea to pat Archie’s head twice. Very soft, you would recommend it, “That goes for the future (Y/N) as well,” the familiar said, his attention now on you. 

“You’re right, sod the rules. It’s time for a dungeon break!”

You beamed, liking this plan a lot, and very excited that you finally got to do something today.

Sneaking past the guards wasn’t hard for anyone but Steve, and even then, he proved himself to be an excellent distraction. After that, getting into the dungeons themselves was almost too easy. 

“Jim! We’re breaking you out!”

“Hang on, kid,”

“Your stay in terror tower is over, mate,”

“And presto, one liberated troll,”

With a little magic, your small gang freed the trolls from the dungeon, melting locks and cutting metal. It was the most fun you’d had in a while to be completely honest. Douxie took notice of this. The light in your eyes had come back on again, and even if it was just for now, he was still thankful for that.

Sneaking the trolls out of the dungeon wouldn’t have been too hard had King Arthur not started his murder spree early. In the end, you had Steve to thank for rapping out a warning. You’d have to ask him about that later. For now, you had to do some crowd control.

“Now, now, everyone just stay calm,”

“Don’t worry, we can find another way out,”

The trolls didn’t listen, instead electing to almost trample you and your friends in their bid for freedom. You had to hand it to them, that response was justified.

“Alright, alright, okay,” you muttered, trying to think of the fastest route out of Camelot, the fastest path to help the escaped trolls, “This way! Come with me!” you exclaimed, grabbing Douxie and Jim and taking a tunnel to your left. 

The path led into the streets of Camelot, you ran ahead of the others to get a decent look at what was going on. Behind you, you could hear Archie and Douxie yelling at each other.

“Is this part of your plan?”

“I’m  _ improvising! _ ”

A troll you didn’t recognize had a plan, thank god, “Quick, through the alleys! They can’t catch all of us!”

“I hope you’re right!”

You followed the new troll while Douxie went with Jim and Claire. With no time for caution, the two of you ran through the streets, your magic making quick work of anyone who tried to stop you. 

“Nice one,” the troll complimented, “Who are you again?”

“(Y/N) (L/N), you?” you asked, tossing another soldier down a different alley.

“Callista,” 

“Cool name, let’s keep going,”

It didn’t take too long for you to find Jim and Claire at the front gates of Camelot. The way Jim was leaning on Claire made you nervous. That shard impalement was definitely worse than it looked.

“Come on, skinny legs. I know a safe place, in the woods,”

“Hey, Callista,” you started coming closer to the troll so that Jim and Claire couldn’t hear you, “Do me a favour and watch out for the shard in his chest. It’s  _ way  _ worse than it looks,”

“Why? Are you a doctor or something?” the troll seemed genuinely curious, so you just nodded. 

“Ok, I’ll watch him,” she turned to Jim, picking him up and carrying him out of Camelot. That was one way to watch out for someone. You admired the creativity.

“Thank you!”

You smiled a little. Seeing the trolls freed from their prison was nice. Then you saw the sunlight streaming over the path.

“Oh, come  _ on! _ ” You looked around, trying to find something to fix this. In front of you, the gate slammed shut, the metal surrounded in blue magic. You smirked knowing Douxie was behind that little trick. Your gaze followed the gate all the way up, and at the top- the perfect vantage point. A decent place to block out the sun if you said so yourself, which you did.

“Claire, this way,” you said, guiding the girl up the stairs, “You do what you have to, I’ve got your back,”

She nodded at you, running the rest of the way up as you created a shield to stop anyone from interrupting her. When your spell was completed, you followed the girl up the stairs just in time to see her manipulate the shadows to her will, buying the trolls below you time to escape. It was a very cool and useful trick, but it would take a lot of energy. You stood behind the girl, ready to help her if anything happened.

And it did. As soon as the trolls made it into the tree line, Claire collapsed. You caught her easily, helping her to the ground. Immediately, you took her vitals. She was breathing was a little abnormal, but her pulse was steady, and that was definitely a good sign.

“By the seven rings, how did you manage that?”

Claire was out of it at that point, so you couldn’t do much but make sure she didn’t hurt her neck. You replied for her, “She’s just a badass,”

You could see Douxie grin out of the corner of your eye. It was nice to know that despite the obvious concern for Claire’s well being, your sense of humour was still intact.

Morgana emerged from the same doorway Douxie had, making it clear that your shield was absolutely useless.

“Here, let me see the girl,” you bit your lip, taking a step back. You knew that you could and probably should help, your past self wasn’t a doctor yet. You hadn’t even taken an interest in medicine at this point. Trying to help heal a person would only raise questions, and that was not what you needed right now.

You felt Douxie’s hand on your shoulder as Morgana carried Claire away. You placed your hand on his, once again thankful that the drive to kill him had disappeared. You needed him, and he needed you.

“Hey, Doux?”

“What is it, love?”

You paused, wondering if now was a good time to explain things. As you watched the king and his knights ride back to the castle, you decided it wasn’t.

“Thanks for watching out for Jim and Claire,”

From the hesitation before he spoke, you could tell that wasn’t what he wanted to hear, “It wasn’t a problem at all,”

“Come on,” you sighed, “Let’s go make sure Steve’s okay,”

You squeezed Douxie’s hand before you walked out the door. He stayed behind a moment, watching you walk away. You were hiding something, and he wondered what he had done to make you keep it from him. Despite the centuries-long rivalry, he thought that the two of you had built _ some _ sort of friendship underneath everything. But, if you didn’t want to talk, he wouldn’t force you. It was your choice to make that decision, and he would wait for you to make it. For now, he walked towards the door, heading to the bottom of the stairs where you waited for him.

By the time Claire got back to Douxie’s room, the wizard had worked himself into a bit of a frenzy that you needed to listen to before you could help calm him down.

“Arthur is furious, he’s locked down the castle,”

“Luckily, he thinks you’re so incompetent, you can’t be a suspect. Same goes for you (Y/N),”

“Not that it matters. Past me has an alibi for the jailbreak and no one else saw present me except for the trolls,”

Douxie stared off into space for a second, trying to come up with a plan. Claire put a hand on his arm, trying to comfort him, “At least we got Jim and the other prisoners away safe,”

“Silver lining,” you shrugged, watching Douxie turn and start out the door.

“Where are you going?”

“To get that time map,”

“Wait, you didn’t get that yet?” 

“No, but hopefully with Arthur on the hunt, I’ve got a chance to finally snatch that thing,” Douxie tried to close the door, but you stopped him, pulling it back open again.

“Nuh, uh, uh, emo boy, I’m going with you this time. No waiting outside,”

“Are you sure? What if we run into-”

“Then we give them brain damage or something. Look, you said it yourself, everyone’s on edge. You’re gonna need backup, and I’m your best bet. Besides, it gives me a chance to make fun of you without question,” you finished with a smirk on your lips, sliding out the door before him, “Come on, let’s go!”

Douxie couldn’t fight you on that. You’d made several good points, and he  _ really  _ didn’t want to argue with you, and he still didn’t know if he was in your good graces or not. What he did know, was that he wanted to find the time map, and if you helped him it was all the better. In truth, he had missed this. Your wit and charm, how excited you got when you had a problem to solve, how your whole being seemed  _ electric  _ when you were on a case. But right now, you were back, and he was going to enjoy that for as long as possible.

Sneaking into Merlin’s study wasn’t that hard. Breaking into his safe wasn’t too hard either. It almost made you wonder why your past self had never tried it.

When the magic marked door popped open, revealing the skeleton of a gnome, you had your answer. The safe buzzed over and over again as Douxie tried to find the time map. It wasn’t going so well.

“ _ Wow _ , this is tedious. How does Merlin ever get anything done?”

“Looking for this?”

You were a bit embarrassed by the short scream Merlin’s appearance had elicited from you, but that was quickly forgotten. In front of you, Merlin sat near a work table, map in hand. You let out a silent string of cuss words. No one heard it, but it still felt nice.

“Or perhaps this?”

You, or, past you, emerged from behind a pillar, your magic suspending Douxie’s past self in the air. Even though your main function at that moment was panic, it was nice that your friend’s past self could get some sleep. Lord knows he deserved it. 

But now was not the time for soft thoughts. It was time for swearing.

“Oh, fuzzbuckets,”

“Shhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo, everyone thank einahpetsyarcip for teaching me how to use italics in ao3, that’s the only reason this chapter is out tonight lol


	17. Witch Hunt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i swear some more and uh… i can’t really give a warning, it’s spoilers. you’ll probably like it tho, i promise

“I told you the boy was bad news Master,” past you said with way too much pride in their voice for your liking.

“Oh, would you _shut up?_ ”

“So you’re me from the future, then? Tell me, how do you end up travelling time with the likes of that _git?_ ”

“Oi, shut your mouth you little-” Douxie put his hand over your mouth, effectively shutting you up for the time being.

“Calm down (Y/N), please,”

Both you and your past self said “No,” in unison. It would have been funny in literally any other situation, but alas, this was what fate handed to you.

“All of you, silence! Have you any idea what you’ve done? I knew my apprentice was an ignoramus, but travelling through time? Time!”

You felt a very strong urge to scream, but fortunately, Douxie was doing the talking.

“I think we handled ourselves just fine, all things considered. And technically, it was your idea,”

“Damn right,”

“Well, then, you must have botched it up! My planning is flawless!”

“For the record, Master, I had nothing to do with this. He did, which is me, and… ugh! Time travel, so confusing!” past Douxie was awake, and you decided right then if anyone said anything else you were going to knock him, your past self, and Merlin unconscious just for some peace and quiet.

“Aah! The timelines are in complete disarray!”

Oop, that counted as saying something, “They’re about to be in more disarray,” 

“Seriously, (Y/N), calm down,”

“Don’t you talk to me… us? Like that!” past you was a little confused, but they still had the spirit. It was the wrong kind of spirit, but spirit nonetheless. You sighed, knowing that Douxie was right.

“No, (Y/N)? Me? Whatever. He’s right, I just need a second,”

Past you froze in absolute shock while Douxie’s past self decided to relish in the fact that you were wrong.

Present Douxie didn’t have a lot of patience for this, “Look, both of you, quiet down for a second. Master, I can fix this, I swear!”

“Ah-ah, your meddling has already wreaked enough havoc on history!”

“Then surely we can use the time map to change things back, and then it’ll all be as it was,” Archie said as you, your Douxie and the familiar surrounded Merlin, your focus on the time map in your former master’s hands.

“It doesn’t work that way. The map only offers glimpses of possible futures! There are no detailed instructions,”

“Oh come on, it’s not that bad,” Douxie said, reaching towards the device before Merlin slapped his apprentice’s hand away causing both of your hands to sting.

“ _Ow._ Look, life doesn’t come with instructions, and we live through it every day without causing too much damage. We can manage this! It’ll be fine,”

“Not that bad, eh? It’ll be fine, eh!?” Merlin said before revealing just what the time map had to show you. 

King Arthur was on the ground, dead. Needless to say, that was not good.

“Oh, fuzzbuckets,” Both Douxies and your past self said.

“Oopsie,” you grimaced at the consequences of your actions. 

“Your little dungeon break must have changed fate! Now, unless I stop it, the king will die!”

Merlin stormed out of the room, off, probably, to fix your mistakes. Beside you, your Douxie groaned, bracing himself against the table. You put a hand on his shoulder in an attempt to comfort him.

“ _Seriously,_ how can you stand to _touch_ him?”

It was your turn to groan. You didn’t even look at your past self as you responded, “Because he is my friend and I care about him,”

It may have been a risky statement, one that could doom both you and your wizard, but the smile on Douxie’s face was worth it.

“I don’t understand, how can you-” 

Douxie cut off his past self, “You’ll understand when you’re older. Now, you two stay here, we have to go,” he grabbed your hand, and you left to find Claire or anything else that would help save the future. Whichever came first.

It was Claire. Claire came first. You could hear the knights cheering from your place in the shadows. The noise was a decent cover-up for your conversation.

“They’re hunting Jim! If they catch him, he’ll be killed!”

“I know, and he’s not the only one. Because of us, Arthur’s now fated to eat the big one, too!”

“Eat the what? Oh, no, was I supposed to bring food?”

“He’ll be eating a death sandwich, Steve,”

“Ugh, who would eat that? Gross,”

Douxie groaned, but you couldn’t help but laugh a little. Times were tough, but that didn’t stop you from admitting that Steve absolutely had a point.

“Look, if Arthur dies, we lose the Battle of Killahead and the war,”

“Which will probably mess up time so much, you’ll never be able to return home,” Archie said, pawing his way around your hiding space.

“At least, not our home,” you glared at the ground, as if the dirt was the reason the world was at stake.

“Oh no! Toby!”

You looked up at the time map just in time to see the War Hammer disappear into a blue mist. That could not be a good sign.

“What’s happening to him?”

“The future- our future, is vanishing!”

“There’s gotta be a way to fix this,” you said, using the time map, searching through time to find something that would save your home. Among the red, there was a moment of blue. You paused as an image of Arthur and Morgana getting along flashed into the sphere.

“What’s that?” Claire asked before you had the chance to ask the same thing.

“Well, that wasn’t there before. It’s a new timeline, one where Arthur and Jim live,”

“And Morgana’s the hero? I thought she was destined to become Mistress Doom,”

“No, you’re thinking Mistress of all _Dark Magic._ Mistress of Doom is… something else,”

“What?” Douxie paused, looking at you with vast amounts of suspicion. 

“You’d be surprised by some of the house calls I’ve made. Now, keep talking,”

Douxie shook his head, but he was smiling. Good. You loved that smile.

“It looks like there’s a possibility if we get Arthur and Morgana to reconcile, then somehow, nobody dies,”

“I don’t think I have to say that that’s the outcome we want!”

You took a moment just to look at Douxie’s face. In this small moment of victory, which was over too soon, he looked happier than you’d seen him in a while. Of course, you never saw his face when he looked at you.

“Squire Steve! We are all thirsty!” and bam, moment over. Thanks, Gallahad.

“I’ll keep an eye on Morgana. Douxie, you work on Arthur. (Y/N), Steve, make sure they don’t kill my boyfriend,”

“We’re on it. Don’t die out there, guys,”

“We won’t,” Douxie said, taking one last look at you before he ran off. You and Steve did the same.

About a minute in, you could feel things going wrong. Your chest hurt as if you’d crashed to the floor. It wasn’t awful, so you ignored it and kept moving forward, following Steve and the knights and making a mental note to make sure Douxie was ok when you had time. A smirk made its way onto your face when said wizard knocked his past self out. You couldn’t imagine that it was good for him, but if he could still perform magic, he was ok. 

And after that, things were okay.

At least for you.

Douxie was having a difficult time getting Arthur to listen to him. Magic, as always, turned out to be a useful tool. The king and his sister began their reconciliation, but something was troubling him. He saw the way they looked at the illusion of Gweneviere. They had both loved her. Arthur even called Gwen “the heart of him,” and they had lost her. He could see the grief on their faces, how it killed the king and weighed down the sorceress was clear to anyone who looked at them the right way.

This was not the first time Douxie contemplated his fear of losing you. He’d been afraid of that for a long time, and one could say that he was used to the familiar sense of anxiety that made itself at home within him whenever you were in danger. But now? Now he looked at the faces of the royal family and realized that losing you would completely destroy him. 

Douxie was already a selfless person, one who would sacrifice everything he was to save the world, but right then, he decided that he would sacrifice the world to save you. You were the world to him. 

But he couldn’t focus on that right now. He had a job to do.

So did you. And Steve was not making it any easier.

“Kill the beast!”

“Wait, kill? I thought this was catch and release!”

“ _Oh, my g-_ ok, come on, Steve,”

You grabbed the boy by his armour and dragged him along as you followed the group, stopping dead when you reached the troll that the guards spoke of.

Arthur’s men had slung chains around the creature, restricting its movement to next to nothing. You were not okay with this.

“Squire Steve, will you do the honours?” Lancelot asked, tossing his sword to the boy. 

The boy whimpered, very obviously uncomfortable with this. He turned to you, eyes desperately searching for instructions on what to do in this situation. You shook your head, trying to get across that needless murder should probably be avoided.

Whether or not Steve got the message, you would never know. The troll jumped at the teen. You jumped in front of him, creating a shield with your magic, and Arthur jumped in front of you, swinging a sword at the troll and putting himself in some pretty needless danger. You couldn’t talk on that subject though. When it came to needless danger, you were freaking royalty.

“Careful, young squire, witch,” he spat out your title like it was a curse, “Show these beasts no sympathy,”

He kicked the troll into the sunlight, turning it to stone instantly. You looked on with disappointment as the guards cheered.

Behind you, Steve whimpered again. You turned, hoping to provide some comfort, or calm the kid down at least, when you froze, your blood running cold. Behind Steve stood Bular, aka the Troll who kept trying to kill you.

“ _Shit,_ ”

The Gumm-Gumm prince knocked Steve aside, advancing and attacking the guards. He hadn’t noticed you yet, and you intended to keep it that way, staying out of the troll’s field of view, and going after Steve instead. You helped the boy up and off the ground. He wasn’t injured, but you realized that the king was about to be. 

Before you could do anything, Douxie and Merlin had things under control, saving Arthur and taking out the troll prince. You breathed a sigh of relief. If things went well, Bular wouldn’t see you. Very few things ever went well, but you had your fingers crossed.

And it worked! For once, things went your way. Arthur knocked the Gumm-Gumm out with a kick to the face. Sure, he said some very menacing and antagonistic things right after, but you had no thoughts in your head other than, “Well, that was convenient,”

You watched the guards take Bular away, taking note of Morgana questioning who the real monster was. If Bular hadn’t tried to kill you and your friends and hadn’t successfully gotten you tortured a couple decades ago, you might have agreed with that. Unfortunately, he had.

You hadn’t realized that you’d lost yourself in memories until Douxie said your name.

“-(Y/N), are you alright, love?”

“I-” you watched them take the troll out of sight, “I will be,”

Your wizard took one of your hands, squeezing it, “I’m right here if you need me,”

“I know,”

It was silent for a moment. Then you heard the knights calling Steve.

“I should go,”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,”

“But I should. Someone needs to make sure that kid doesn’t run into any more high ranking Gumm-Gumms,”

Douxie seemed hesitant, but he respected your choice, “Stay safe,”

“You too,”

From the corner of her eye, Morgana watched you and Douxie. She wasn’t focused on it, per-say, but she did find it odd. Were Merlin’s apprentices not constantly at each other’s throats? She ignored it for now and moved on.

Things went decently for you after that. The forest was peaceful, the knights were quiet. Everything was chill until Steve decided to walk through a trap. You weren’t sure why he didn’t just stop. Kids these days, honestly. 

You winced as the arrows hit his armour and his skin. Beside you, Gallahad and Lancelot were absolutely losing their shit. You had to admit, it was kind of funny, but you were also concerned for your friend. You put up a shield around him, sheltering the teen from any further arrow-related damage. Needless to say, the knights were very disappointed.

“Oh, come on, now! Don’t spoil all the fun,”

“It was fun for the first minute. Now I’m concerned for his health,”

“Really? Merlin’s witch apprentice showing concern? Well then, we’ve found something rarer than the holy grail!”

You took a moment, keeping up your shields as the king and his guards moved through the trap, Lancelot and Gallahad now supporting Steve.

It was weird to see how much you’d changed. Talking to your past self had been surreal, and a decent reminder of what a little shit you had been, but you hadn’t considered the specifics. Past you was a scared kid doing what their king told them to. Under Gunmar, you didn’t have any interests or hobbies outside of getting stronger and staying alive. Even after you left, you really didn’t start to become who you were now for a few centuries. You’d been scared that the Gumm-Gumms would come for you at any moment, and that fear wouldn’t leave you until at least the fifteen hundreds. You suddenly felt enormous amounts of guilt weighing on your shoulders. Guilt about what you’d forced your past self to go through, that you never got a childhood worth having, that you hadn’t been a person for so long that it took centuries to take a real interest in something. And you felt guilty about how you’d treated other living things. You knew now that everyone who could be saved deserved saving, but the child you were in the twelfth century didn’t know that. 

But you couldn’t fix the past, even though you were now reliving it. The only thing you could do was forgive yourself.

And so you did.

Then you ran after the knights to see if Steve was okay.

He was. Teenagers are surprisingly resilient, that’s how they can do dumb things and not die. You counted Steve coming out of that trap mostly unscathed as a win. What wasn’t a win was Lancelot spotting Jim and Callista, looking at what appeared to be Jim’s phone.

You had no idea if that would affect the space-time continuum, but what would affect you personally was your friends getting shot. And Lancelot was aiming a crossbow at them. Great.

Beside you, you could hear Steve’s internal panic. This time he didn’t turn to you, instead, he chose to act, smacking the crossbow out of the knight’s hands. The arrow still fired, but there was still time. You put a spell on the arrow, knocking it off course a little more and lessening the impact. However, there was still an impact. You could hear as much from the trolls below you.

Lancelot lined up another shot, but Steve knocked the weapon aside again, and you used your magic to push the crossbow out of reach. It didn’t do much, but it bought your friends some much needed time. The knight thrust the crossbow at Steve, clearly frustrated.

“What if we just let this one go?” Steve’s efforts were admirable, you’d give him that much

“You never let them go,”

Lancelot turned away from you to face the king, who was rallying his soldiers.

You put a hand on Steve’s shoulder, “Hey, you did a good thing, kid,”

“Thanks, (Y/N),” Steve’s voice shook slightly, and you felt awful. If you had time, you probably would have hugged him, told him everything was going to be okay, and maybe adopted him, but right now, you had to find some way to protect Jim.

The knights ran off, leaving you and Steve watching them go. 

Douxie and Merlin came out of the bushes, clearly in pursuit of the king. They called out to him before running off again.

“C’mon Steve, we have to follow them,”

The boy, who was still shaken, nodded, following behind you as you ran after everyone else. 

Things were not going well. Morgana and Arthur were fighting, knights were surrounding the area, and Lancelot was firing arrows at children.

Claire was skilled enough to fend for herself, scaring Lancelot, but before the knight could say anything that everyone would regret, Steve knocked him out with a large rock. You were a bit surprised, but also very pleased.

“Whoa, man, that troll- that came out of nowhere! Right guys?”

Lancelot woke, only for Steve to hit him again. You were very proud.

“Nice one, Steve!”

“Thanks! Uh, can you do your doctor thing? Make sure I didn’t kill him?”

You kind of doubted that Lancelot had been killed by the rock, but head trauma exists in every century, so you nodded and began your assessment. You managed to focus up and do your work, ignoring the clanging metallic noise of the battle before you. Then the pain hit you. It was like you’d been thrown back into a tree, but that hadn’t happened, so what was- _Douxie!_

You rushed your assessment, focused on the ache in your spine, “He isn’t dead, Steve, you’re in the clear,”

The teenager punched the air, saying something that you weren’t paying attention to.

“Sorry, kid, I’ll be right back,”

That was kind of a lie. You weren’t sure when you’d be back.

You made your way to Douxie’s side, helping him up as Morgana sent a beam of gold magic into the sky, before bringing it down on the earth like a whip. Your wizard pulled you close to him, trying to shield you from the magic. Had she been paying attention, Morgana would have declared this officially strange, but at the moment she was fighting her brother and former mentor.

You, Claire and Douxie thought it would be a good idea to try and reason with the angry sorceress.

“Stop! We found another way!”

“It doesn’t have to be like this!”

“We can do this peacefully!”

“The time for peace ended long ago,”

“Morgana,” Claire called out, “He’s not the enemy,”

Morgana continued to rant, but you were a little distracted by the fact that she was now flying. It wasn’t the best choice either of you had made, but you and Douxie got closer, just in time for the sorceress to cast a spell, creating shadow-like clones of herself.

“Oh, buckets,” Douxie said as shadow-clones appeared before all of you.

“Yeah, that,” you drew your sword. There wasn’t much left to do but fight.

Unfortunately, you were in the minority when it came to having a weapon. You watched as your friends struggled and dodged, eventually backing away, but wherever they went the shadows followed (as shadows are wont to do.)

Your small group found their way to a cliff, overlooking the ocean. You recognized this place, but you weren’t sure how.

You could hear Merlin call for someone to protect the king, but you were a little busy fighting for your life at that moment. 

Somehow, you found an opening and sliced through the clone. You only enjoyed your victory for a moment before Douxie was thrown to the ground, causing you both to wince from the pain. You were about to make your way over to him when Arthur pointed his sword towards the sky, drawing a spell into the blade and releasing it into the ground, knocking everyone back and banishing the shadow-clones.

Douxie helped you up before you both ran to get the time map. The sphere flickered from red to blue. You looked out into the sunset and suddenly realized where you recognized this place from.

Morgana’s name left your lips and Douxie’s at the same time. The time map’s sphere showed the sorceress’s body.

You and your wizard ran towards the duelling siblings in a last attempt to stop them, but you were once again blown back. 

You screamed as Morgana fell off the cliff for the second time in your life.

You couldn’t remember walking back to the castle. 

You knew you must’ve done it because you would remember being carried back, but you didn’t know how you got from the cliff to Camelot.

And now Claire was talking, “She’s gone. We failed,” as if you needed reminding.

“No,” Douxie’s voice came from beside you, “I failed. Master, I-I’m so sorry,”

“This is why you don’t meddle with time,”

You didn’t even sass Merlin about how this was his idea. You were out of sass at the moment. Your head was full of static as you tried to process things.

“But I tried, I tried to fix it,” Douxie fell to his knees, his eyes on the still flickering time map.

Correction, your brain was full of static and heartbreak. You knelt beside your wizard, putting your hands on his shoulders as he focused on the time map.

“Don’t you see, boy? There is no ‘fixing’ anything, Every change has consequence. Knowing the future is a responsibility to bear with caution, lest you cause the worst things to happen,”

You couldn’t look Merlin in the eye. Even as he walked away, you didn’t watch him go.

“Morgana’s dead, Excalibur’s broken. This never happened,”

“We are in uncharted territory,” Archie said, coming closer to you and Douxie, allowing the wizard to pat him.

The pain in your chest was his. The utter anguish he felt over failing to fix things stabbed through you. And it wasn’t just that. He had failed Claire, and Steve, and Jim. He had failed Merlin, and Toby and Camelot. But the worst thing was he had failed you. He had destroyed your future, and now you were stuck here. The very thought of it ripped through him, and you felt all of it.

You bit your lip, just then realizing what that day was.

As if he realized what was to come, Archie took a few steps back, wandering away from the two of you.

“Hey, Doux,” he turned to look at you, the sorrow in his eyes eating you alive, “This was the night. In our timeline, anyway,”

“What?”

“Where was that fight again? Merlin’s study? The staircase? The throne room?”

“(Y/N)?”

“If we wait outside, do you think we’ll see it happen?”

The pieces fell into place for him, too.

“I don’t even know if it will,”

You waited a moment.

“Who knows. We hated each other enough, we might still get cursed,” The joking tone in your voice made you both smile, even though it didn’t reach your eyes.

“Seriously, though, Douxie. I think whatever bond Merlin gave us, I-” you took a deep breath, knowing that what you said next would definitely damn you both. But that didn’t matter. He needed to hear this.

“I think it was the best thing that ever happened to me. You are the best thing that ever happened to me,”

Douxie looked surprised, only for a second, before his eyes cast their gaze to the ground, to the time map that sat closed on the floor. “Are you sure?”

His voice was so quiet you barely heard him, and it was so sad, so scared, that you could feel your heart shatter into a million pieces right then and there, “Yeah,” your voice felt like it would break at any minute, “Yeah, I’m sure,”

Your predictions were correct. Your voice broke and tears came to your eyes, much to your embarrassment.

“(Y/N),” Douxie turned his body towards yours, taking your face in his hands, “You-” he took a second, also feeling that his voice would fail him at any minute, “You mean everything to me, and I-I ruined your future. We don’t have a home to go back to, and it’s my fault, I-”

“Douxie,” you cut him off, “As long as I’m with you, I’m home. If we have to, we’ll just build a new future, together,” you ran a hand through his hair. This was it. This is what was going to kill you, “I love you, Hisirdoux Casperan,”

There was silence.

And then his lips were on yours.

Do you remember the kiss in the 80s? Yeah, that was child’s play compared to this.

Your lips fit together perfectly, his hands glided over your back, pulling you closer to him. Your hands held his face, swiping away at the tears that threatened to fall. You found your bottom lip captured between his. A gasp escaped you when he bit down. It wasn’t enough to draw blood, but it was enough for your heart to race a little faster, if that was even possible, and tighten your grip just a little. You could almost feel his pulse racing, and you were absolutely certain he could feel yours. Your last kiss had been everything in your past, but this kiss was your future. It was a promise that no matter what came next, you would face it together.

And then you remembered exactly what it was that your future held.

T'was a mood killer.

You broke the kiss, almost unwillingly and definitely wanting more, but Douxie had been right. He should know what, “I don’t want to kill you anymore,” meant.

Also, there was a loud crash and bright lights from one of the towers, and that was pretty distracting.

“Those damn kids. Did we really fight so much?”

That almost got a laugh from you, but you had something else to focus on right now. You rested your forehead against his for a moment, just breathing for a second before your spoke, your voice low, “Douxie, I have to explain some stuff,”

“What is it, darling?”

“You were right, there’s some stuff you should know. Doux, I think now is later,”

You bit your lip before standing and motioning for him to follow you into the castle, “Let’s go,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha, yeet


	18. The Lady of the Lake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> angst angst angst angst angst, (Y/N) has decided to try and fight those talking doors

Under the cover of darkness, you found somewhere a little more private where you couldn’t be overheard, sending Archie to watch over past Douxie and, if he saw them, past you.

The small room was dimly lit, reminding you of other places you had visited; ones lit by candles that smelled of herbs and blood. The familiarity was comforting, and to be honest, you really needed that at that exact second. You heard Douxie shut the door, using magic to lock it, while you moved to lean on the wall near the window. You stared at your hands. There was a slight tremor in your fingers. You almost felt sick.

“(Y/N), you don’t- you don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to,” despite his desperation to understand the situation earlier, he didn’t want to force you into anything you didn’t want to do. But this wasn’t optional. You had to tell him.

“It’s okay, Doux, I just-” you took a deep breath. Now or never.

“Do you remember how I disappeared for about a decade at the beginning of the century?”

“How could I forget?” Douxie was referencing the hell he had been through searching for you, but you winced. In your head, those words held a different meaning.

“So you felt it?” your voice was a whisper.

“Wait, felt what?”

You looked at him, very confused, “The- Douxie, I was  _ tortured  _ for _ ten years _ . Did you not feel it?”

Judging by the look of horror on his face, he did not feel it.

“What, I-”

You cut him off by pulling the sleeve of your shirt down just enough to reveal some nasty scars covering your shoulder. You kept going, revealing a few more scars just underneath your collarbone and across your body to your other shoulder.

This was hell for Douxie. He wasn’t sure when he died, but he was one hundred percent sure that he was in hell. You, the love of his immortal life, had been _ brutally tortured for ten years _ , and he hadn’t been able to protect you from that. He hadn’t burst through the doors, saving you from the threat. He hadn’t even shown up to yell at you for getting hurt. It didn’t matter to him that he didn’t feel whatever had left the marks on your skin. The fact that something had hurt you this badly made him realize that he hadn’t only ruined your future, he’d let this happen in the past.

Douxie hadn’t even noticed that he’d crossed the room to stand in front of you, his hand hovering above your shoulder, fingers just brushing one of the scars. You gave him a small nod, and he took another step closer to you, tracing the marks that crossed over your frame.

“Oh, god, (Y/N),” his voice shook, “I’m so sorry,”

You felt like you could break any second, but you had to keep your focus, “Just wait, it gets worse,”

“Who did this?” he tried to hide the rage he felt, but if you listened closely, you could hear it in his voice.

“The Arcane Order. And it wasn’t just torture, they-” you almost lost your composure just thinking about it, “They were trying to figure out how to turn me into a servant for them. An assassin. And they succeeded,”

You bit your lip. You couldn’t even look him in the eye. You felt him take a step away.

“I was sent to  _ kill you _ , Douxie. And I- it was physically affecting me, I couldn’t-” you couldn’t stop crying is what you couldn’t do, “I couldn’t control it, or I could, but not by much. Whatever they did to me made me want to kill you every time __ I saw you, Douxie. I-I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” you groaned, “And, oh god, if we go back I might try to kill you again,”

“No, no, no, darling, it’s-,” he took a minute to register this. You didn’t blame him, it was a lot to take in, “It’s going to be okay, we’ll figure this out I just-” he took another step back from you. There was something in his eyes that you couldn’t place. Not quite fear, but- something.

You looked away from him, wiping tears from your eyes. This is what you had been afraid of. Even though you loved him, and you always would, you couldn’t expect him to feel anything positive towards the person who’d been sent to kill him. You were a traitor again, just as you always had been, and always would be.

“I’ll- I’ll let you process… this,” you said, walking around him and heading for the door.

“(Y/N), wait-”

“No, I can’t-” you choked down a sob, staring at the ceiling in an attempt to keep the tears from falling, “I don’t want you to get hurt, Doux, I can’t let you get hurt,”

You continued on your way out, but he grabbed your wrist, “(Y/N), I-”

“Don’t. Please, don’t say it,” your eyes lingered on his lips for a moment longer than you would’ve liked. You wanted to kiss him.  _ You wanted him, _ period _ , _ but he was just out of reach.

You slipped your hand from his grip and left him alone.

You said you didn’t want him to get hurt, but you were the one killing him. Not literally, but you did break his heart into a thousand little pieces, which was pretty damn close. 

Douxie was not afraid of you. He loved every part of you, and the fact that he’d let you get tortured for ten years straight was going to haunt him until he died. He’d let you suffer, and he was so angry, not at you, but at the Arcane Order for scaring your skin and turning you into an assassin against your will, and at himself for letting them get away with it. This was just another thing he’d messed up. First, your future, and your friends' futures, and now this. What you saw in his eyes was self-loathing, and you hadn’t even realized it. Douxie promised himself right then and there that he would never let anything hurt you again, and it was a promise he intended to keep even if it killed him. And we already know it will.

The wizard followed your steps to the door, but he didn’t open it. Instead, he placed his hand on the door, keeping it there as he slid down, falling to his knees. He turned, leaning his back against the door and staring blankly at the ceiling. He never noticed the tears trailing down his face.

On the other side of the door and down the hallway a bit, you were in the same position. You probably would have stayed there all night if past you hadn’t run past the present you. They stopped in their tracks, walking backwards to get to you.

“The heck are you doing here?”

You looked up at the former you, a little surprised that they’d asked, “I’m-”

“Was it that freaking wizard!? I’ll kill him!”

“No, please, don’t kill him, I-” you stopped, running a hand over your eyes. You didn’t get the chance to finish your sentence.

“Oh dear lord, please don’t tell me you’re… we’re in love with him or something?”

You let out a shaky laugh, “I’m afraid I have bad news,”

“Oh sweet mother of- ok, nevermind, we don’t have time for this,”

You must have looked confused, because past you continued, “Come onnnnn, we need to get out of here!”

Oh, yeah. You ran after the bond, didn’t you?

You sighed, “I can’t leave. I don’t belong in this time and it would mess up the future, but you?” You stood up, “You, I can help,”

Without another word, you walked down one of the hallways, your past self right behind you.

It wasn’t too hard to avoid the guards and castle staff. In fact, you were relaxed enough to start up a conversation with yourself.

“Y’know, you can’t go back to Gunmar,”

“I know,” your past self sounded strained like they had thought about this a lot and hadn’t come to a conclusion. You decided to help yourself out.

“Greece is beautiful this time of year,”

“How would you- ohhh. We lived there, didn’t we?”

“For a while. It was nice. Really nice,” a pang of nostalgia hit you as you remembered a place you hadn't thought about in a long time.

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because I’ve screwed up the time-space continuum enough for one lifetime, and the man I love is trying to take sole responsibility. I figured making sure you got to the right place at the right time was better than doing nothing,”

“So this is all for  _ him, _ then?”

“No. I remember this night. I was scared. I wished I had someone to help me, so, I’m helping you,”

“Oh,”

“I know you aren’t as bad as you pretend to be. You might be a traitor and spy now, but in the future, you do great things. You need to forgive yourself one day, and I need to forgive us,”

They contemplated this for a moment. The silence was peaceful.

“So, us and Douxie?”

You smiled, but it didn’t reach your eyes, “That isn’t a thing for a long time hon. Don’t worry about it,”

“Is he nice? Because you were crying earlier, and if he isn’t treating you right-”

“Technically, we aren’t together. And Douxie-” you cut yourself off, casting your eyes to the ground, “Douxie is a better man than anyone could hope to meet. I’m the one in the wrong, not him,”

Your past self shook their head, “Aren’t we always?”

This time your smile met your eyes.

A few minutes later, you were at the entrance of Camelot, gazing off into the night. You felt your past self shiver, out of fear and the cold you assumed.

“Don’t worry. Things usually work out for us,”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive. Now get thee to Greece. You’re gonna do great out there,”

You didn’t expect your past self’s arms to wrap tightly around you, giving you a small hug before they let go. 

“Thanks… me,”

“No problem, kid,”

You watched yourself walk off into the night, wishing you could do the same.

When dawn broke, things weren’t any better.

The sun shining in your eyes just reminded you of everything that could go wrong, and a few hours later, you were back in Merlin’s study, going over everything that _ had already  _ gone wrong.. Y’know, as you do.

The wizard stood by his familiar, near the window. You still couldn’t meet his eyes.

“Excalibur is busted, Morgana is… is…” Douxie couldn’t even bring himself to say it, “This wasn’t supposed to happen,”

“You did what you thought was right,”

“It wasn’t  _ just _ that. It was what we had to do,” you said from your spot on the floor where you were messing around, trying to fix the time map, “If we hadn’t broken the trolls out of prison, Jim would have died, and that isn’t something we could just let happen,”

“Still, look where it’s gotten us. History’s absolutely botched. I’ve led us astray,”

You sighed, “It isn’t all your fault, ok? I just want you to know that,”

He didn’t respond.

“Morgana tried to help me save Jim, but all I saw was anger and darkness. We share the same magic. What does that say about me?”

You turned away from Douxie to face the teen, “It says nothing, kid. Gunmar and Jim both used swords, that doesn’t mean Jim’s going to turn into a troll dictator/monster thing,”

“But that’s different! Magic is-” Claire looked down at her hands, “It’s just different,”

You sighed again, shaking your head. You were about to walk over to the girl when Steve began to sob.

“Aw, Steve. It’s okay to cry. It was a big loss,” Claire said, sitting on one side of the jock while you took the other. Steve sobbed onto the sorceress’ shoulder as he continued.

“It’s just, the other knights think I’m lame. They laughed at me. Said I haven’t proved my worth as a knight. And Gallahad called me a weenie,”

Claire shoved Steve onto you, “That doesn’t sound like a real problem, Steve,”

“Eh, depends on who you ask,” you said leaning back.

“What?” Steve and Claire said in sync, the latter’s tone a lot angrier.

“Look children,” you sighed, looking for a way to make  _ something _ good happen this morning, “I’ve spent my life surrounded by people stronger than me, Merlin, Douxie, Morgana, etcetera. It just drove me to be stronger… and really mean to Douxie for a couple hundred years. Don’t let their medieval aged bull crap upset you, Steve. Let it make you stronger,”

Your speech caught the wizard’s attention, but he couldn’t get a word out before Merlin barged through the door, past Douxie stumbling in behind him.

“Camelot is in chaos, and Arthur is without his blessed weapon to defend it!”

“Yes, yes, we know,” you muttered, again receiving no response.

“Now, that’s a real problem,” 

You sighed, knowing your point had been lost on these youths.

“What’s the big deal? Can’t he just buy a new one?”

“Oh, you sweet summer child,” you said, patting Steve on the head.

“Without Excalibur, Arthur cannot lead Camelot to war against Gunmar, which would mean the end of humanity,”

“And our future. I’ll never get us home,”

“And I’ll never save Jim… but we can fix this! Right Douxie? (Y/N)?”

You looked away from the girl. You really had no idea how to get out of this one if you were being honest.

“There is only one who can. Make ready, I must bring Excalibur to the Lady of the Lake,”

“She’s real?” Claire turned to you for confirmation.

“I guess so,”

“So, this plan of yours, well surely you’ll need help. Maybe… Maybe we can fix this together,”

You had to admit, Douxie’s drive to fix this problem troubled you slightly. Your wizard was always trying to fix things, to save everyone, including you. It was an admirable trait, but it was almost guaranteed to be the death of him, and you regretted telling him about the “tortured for ten years” thing. You were pretty sure you had just guaranteed someone’s certain death.

But there was no time to worry about any of that now.

“Agreed,”

“I promise I can make it right- Wait, we are?” the surprise in his voice matched the surprise on your face. Even with Douxie as eager to help as he was, Merlin was not, and had never been the type to let his apprentices go on dangerous trips to chill with ancient creatures. Or go anywhere, really. He must be desperate.

“Oh! Great! Well, we won’t let you down,”

Merlin didn’t acknowledge that, as he didn’t acknowledge a lot of things Douxie said, “You, mind the workshop,” he said, turning to past Douxie, “You, gather up Excalibur. We ride,”

“Sounds like a quest! A chance to prove I’m an awesome knight, get a monster trophy, save the damsel, I’m in!”

You had to admit you were a little nervous about saving the future just so you could go back home and murder the man you loved, but there was no other choice. This was everyone’s life you were messing with, not just yours. For now, all you could do was nod, and move to follow the rest of your group out of the workshop. You were at the door when past Douxie stopped you.

“Hey, uh, future (Y/N)?”

“What’s up, kid?”

The wizard seemed a bit confused at the nickname, but continued regardless, “Do you know where your past self would be? Something… happened last night…” the boy trailed off.

“Merlin put the curse on you guys, yeah?”

“How did you-!? Oh wait, you’re from the future,”

“Yeah, I am. They’re gone by the way. As soon as the curse bound us together I ran,”

“Where!?  _ Why!? _ ”

You turned to leave, “You already have it figured out, kid. I can’t tell you much without breaking all of space-time or something like that, but if I were you, I’d wait for a bit, then check Italy,”

“I-I just… I wanted to tell them-you? That I’m sorry,” That froze you in your tracks. You turned slowly to face past Douxie, who was still talking.

“Things just got so out of hand, and I never meant for this to happen,”

You took that in for a second. Maybe it was just this timeline, but you always thought it took Douxie years to apologize. You never thought that he’d felt bad about it, and that just made you angrier. Now, you knew better.

“If it’s any consolation, I’ll forgive you,” you gave past Douxie a sad half-smile before heading down the hallway after your own wizard.

A few hours later, you were staring off into a murky green horizon, losing the point where the sky met the sea. Greece had a nicer view of the ocean. You tried to remember how long it took you to get there and wondered where your past self was.

“Do you think Merlin’s plan will work?”

“I messed up the timelines. We’ve run out of options, and my choices haven’t exactly worked out lately. We can’t make any more mistakes. We’ll have to trust Merlin this time,”

You sighed, leaning over the side of the ship, “Doux, I’m saying this again, but you realize this isn’t all on you, right? We  _ all  _ messed up the timelines, and that all includes Merlin, at least, our Merlin, and it includes me,” you shifted over, placing a hand on your wizard’s shoulder, “Fucking this up was a team effort and we are going to fix it as a team,” 

Douxie remained quiet, but he placed his hand over yours, and something in his eyes told you he was grateful for the support.

“I just hope Jim made it out safe,”

“I’m sure he’s nestled safely in the bosom of friendly trolls,”

Steve laughed, repeating a select part of what Douxie just said. You rolled your eyes, although you almost smiled because you still had the humour of an eight-year-old despite being over nine hundred. And you were sleep-deprived.

You decided to sit down on the deck of the boat and shut your eyes, haphazardly trying to make up for your lack of sleep. It was not working very well.

You could vaguely hear Merlin lecturing Claire about shadow magic, Steve making some kind of quip, and the overwhelming silence from Douxie. He was silent to you, anyway. You deserved that.

“Huh, the Lady of the Lake is real. I thought she was just a myth,”

“Oh no, the Lady’s very much real. Though, only Merlin’s allowed to meet with her… till now,”

“Because her power is beyond your comprehension,”

“Wait, so, she’s basically Cthulhu?” no one confirmed that you were going to roll with it until someone told you otherwise.

“It was from her mystic waters I helped Arthur first retrieve Excalibur and unite the kingdom. Hisirdoux, the sword please,”

Douxie drew the sword from his back while Steve chanted “Quest,” over and over again.

“Watch the ship, I shall return shortly,”

“wHaT!? We have to wait in the car?”

Your eyes followed Steve as he stormed off before they returned to the wizards in front of you.

“But, I thought we were doing this together,”

“You should be thanking me. I got you out of Camelot. Arthur’s unstable and the people are afraid,”

“I thought you trusted me. I won’t just sit here without making things right!”

“And I will not lose another apprentice!”

You bit your lip as Merlin’s voice echoed throughout the cavern. You’d been doing that a lot lately. You guessed nervous ticks would show up at times like this when literally everything and everyone worried you.

Merlin grabbed the broken shard of Excalibur and headed towards the door without another word to any of you. He spoke to the doors though, the two faces in the rock talked to him and they slid open, shutting right before Douxie could run in after his master.

“Lake’s closed. None but the Master Wizard shall pass,”

“No amateurs. That’s you,”

Before you had time to throw something at the doors out of sheer annoyance, Douxie threw some magic at them. You didn’t hear what spell he used, but whatever it was, it didn’t work.

“Is that all you got punk?”

“Come on, get close so I can bite your legs off,”

This was your moment. You took off your shoe and just fuckin hurled it into the smaller head. It clearly didn’t hurt him, but it still elicited an, “Ow!”

“Yeah ‘ow’ you little shit!”

“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean!?”

“Oh, what do you think?”

“Well, come over here and we’ll figure it out!”

“Nope, you come here, or no deal!”

“Why is that one so grumpy?”

“Probably just mad that the amateur doesn’t love ‘em,”

You were  _ not _ in the mood to talk about your love life, so you threw your other shoe at them, not caring if it hit, before wandering off to sit by the water. You stared into the middle distance for a bit, hearing the walls scream some stuff about Steve and his ‘birthday suit.’ On any other day, you might have found this kinda funny, but right now, you were tired and stressed, and you kind of wanted to die.

“Yoooo, (Y/N)! What’s up?”

“Put some pants on, Steve,”

“But I wanna swimmmmm,”

You swore quietly under your breath, “Aren’t you cold, dude?”

“Nope!”

You shook your head, not understanding how the teenager couldn’t feel the chill in the air. You wrapped your arms around yourself, trying to warm yourself up a little, but it was mostly unsuccessful. 

You nearly fell into the water when you felt someone’s hand on your shoulder.

“(Y/N), love, come on, we’re going to try and start a fire,” you could hear the hesitation in his voice when he called you love. That stung.

You got up, not taking the hand that was offered to you. Instead, your eyes bore into Douxie’s and went right through him. It was like you weren’t there anymore. 

Douxie was terrified. 

Because in your eyes he saw the same self-hatred that he felt.

You sat next to Claire as Steve made his way out of the water and back into his armour. You let your head fall onto your arms and stay there as the wizard tried to start a fire. He managed to get a spark going before Archie lit up the kindling in front of you.

“Thanks, Archie,”

“Jeez, how long is Coach Wizard gonna take? It’s been forever!”

“What if the old man needs our help?”

Steve drew his sword and charged at the wall. Clearly, he was as tired of waiting as you were of life in general.

The wall continued to try and eat Steve. Fortunately, the kid escaped before any real damage could be done. For the next five minutes, you watched Steve try various incantations on the doors, none of which worked, before he fell to his knees and just begged the doors to open.

You leaned back, watching this chaotic mess unfold. You nearly jumped, however, when your hand brushed over Douxie’s, and you gasped when his hand grabbed yours.

“You have to commit to it,” he muttered, running his thumb across your knuckles. 

You looked away as you felt your face heat up. He didn’t hate you then. Sweet. 

It wasn’t very sweet though. Not right then, anyway. Even if he didn’t do the rational thing and start hating your guts, you’d at least hoped he’d do the smart thing and avoid you like his life depended on it, which, of course, it did. But  _ no, _ Douxie just had to be a charming little shit and make you fall in love with him. Bastard. 

Still, you couldn’t help but smile slightly, shifting backwards to sit at his side. Archie jumped up into his wizard’s lap, allowing you both to pet him. This was nice, and you wished you could have this again.

Your eyes were still trained on Steve when Archie lept from Douxie’s lap to watch Claire, who was looking at a spellbook. You followed the familiar’s view and noticed that the girl was looking at-

“Hey, Douxie? Does Merlin know shadow magic?”

“No... no, he doesn’t!” the wizard leapt up from his spot beside you, sliding to a stop in front of the sorceress, his eyes bright for the first time that day, “Claire! You could make a shadow portal and slip us right through!”

“I don’t know, Douxie,” the girl turned away, very clearly freaked out by any and all recent events involving the shadows, “I don’t have my staff,”

“I’ve seen you do magic without it,”

“But Merlin said-”

“Merlin’s not here,”

“I don’t wanna become her!”

There was a moment of silence as you and Douxie took in her words. She walked away from both of you, sitting by the fire again. Archie nudged his wizard towards the girl, while you made your way over, sitting down between them.

“What if the darkness takes over, like Morgana?”

“Claire-” you stopped, taking a look over your shoulder at Douxie, “Claire, I need you to trust me when I say the darkness won’t take over unless you let it. If you feel the shadows trying to take you, you need to fight back. It isn’t the easiest battle, but you are much stronger than you know,”

“Look, I know you’re scared, but you’re not her. You can make the magic your own. Neither of us had the gift for shadowmancy, but you do. You can do great and wondrous things, we’ve all seen it,”

The girl sighed, but the small smile on her face was a good sign, “Okay guys, I’ll try. But I need you to walk me through the spellbook, Teach. I don’t speak Wizard-ese,”

“You want me to teach? I’m not even a good student, (Y/N), you-”

A smirk broke out across your face as you cut Douxie off, “Bold of you to assume I speak Wizard,”

“Wait, you don’t? How do you-” both Douxie and Claire seemed very confused, but you stopped them before they could ask anything else.

“I speak old Latin. It’s different from whatever the hell language this is written in. Besides, Douxie will make an excellent teacher,”

“Incorrect!”

“Falsehood!”

You turned to face the doors again, a bit saddened by the fact that you’d thrown both of your shoes at them already.

“Quit it!”

“Who asked you, knobhead!?”

“Ok, seriously, eat shit and live,”

“Why are we yelling!?”

Douxie laughed at the antics of everyone around him before getting right to work teaching Claire. You leaned on a rock beside them, watching and adding an occasional, “Stay focused,” 

You had to admit, watching Douxie take on a teaching role was doing something for you. You weren’t sure what exactly, and you were trying to figure it out. Clearly, you should have been paying more attention to your surroundings because, before any of you could react, the shadows swallowed the girl into the abyss.

“Claire!”

“Shit!”

“Doux, how do we bring her back?”

“Hold on,” Douxie said as you, Steve, and Archie gathered around the wizard, “I can figure this out. It’s gonna be fine,”

“Fine!? Shadows just ate her alive, man! What are we gonna do!?”

You took a deep breath, calming yourself. On the grand scale of things, this wasn’t too bad. Claire had made her way out of the shadow realm before, she could do it again.

“It  _ will _ be fine. We just need to calm down and figure this out,”

“ _ sHE WAS EATEN!!! BY SHADOWS!!!” _

“Yes, and there isn’t much we can do other than let Douxie read through the book, so we need to calm down and trust him, ok?” you tried to keep your voice level as you made eye contact with Steve, “Can you do that?”

“Yeah, yeah, I can do that, I can do that,”

“Good, thank you,” you said, turning your attention back to the book that you couldn’t read.

There was no time for anything else before Claire fell onto the three of you.

“Ouch,”

“Claire! Claire, are you alright?” Douxie said, sitting up and examining the girl to make sure she was unharmed and un-possessed.

“Give her some space,” Archie knocked the wizard back, causing a dull pain to echo through your spine.

“Motherfu- was that really necessary, Arch?”

“Sorry,” you could tell he wasn’t really sorry.

“I saw her- a vision of Morgana,” Claire said, getting to her knees as Douxie sat up again while you and Steve remained on the ground.

“Oh, hot dang,”

“Was it really her?” the girl asked, picking up the spellbook again, “Or was it guilt, or fear, or-”

“The shadow realm is a place of mystery. We understand if you don’t want to go back in,”

“No, it’s okay. I’ll be alright. Thanks for talking me through it, Teach,” 

You sat back up as Claire handed the book back to Douxie. You grinned, messing up your wizard’s hair, “I told you he’d make a good teacher,”

This time when you stood, you took Douxie’s hand when he offered it to you. When you looked into his eyes, there was no more self-loathing, only two immortals silently asking for forgiveness and granting it to one another.

But the shit you had to deal with was not over yet.

“No way this works, witchy!”

“True,”

“Not your fault your teacher’s a dunce,”

You walked over and grabbed your shoes, putting one back on and throwing the other at the doors again for good measure. Nobody got to call your wizard a dunce except for you, that was a rule. You retrieved your other shoe and walked back to your friends, satisfied for now.

“If that witch throws anything else at us, we’ll eat them!”

“Do it, coward,”

You said, grinning as the doors' attitudes went from annoyed by you, to scared that Claire would succeed, which she did, of course.

“Yes, yes, yes, Claire, you did it!”

“Yes! That’s what I’m talking about! Shadow magic!” 

Steve cheered as you messed up both Claire and Douxie’s hair, “Nice work guys, never doubted you for a second,”

That was true. Claire was a badass sorceress who you’d seen in action before, and you trusted Douxie more than you trusted yourself. You really couldn’t have picked a better team magic-wise.

“Wow, she picked that up fast,”

“She had a stellar teacher,”

“Damn right,”

“What are we standing around for? That magical sword won’t repair itself! Let’s go! To the lady,” 

“Gentlemen, after you,” 

“That place will be your doom,”

“Whatevs, man,” and you walked off into the portal, very tired of facing doom, but ready to do so with your friends by your side.

“Ugh, feels weird, like cold pudding,”

You looked between Steve and Douxie, raising your eyebrows at the latter, tilting your head so he got the message. The wizard dragged the teenager into the portal, and when Claire entered behind him, y’all were ready to go.

The home of the Lady of the Lake was pretty dank, and not in the fun meme way, in the  _ “It is cold and wet and it smells like stagnant water, please get me out of here,” _ way.

“We made it!”

“Thanks to you,” Douxie said, using the brace on his arm to conjure the magical equivalent to a flashlight.

“Ugh, this cave stinks like butt thunder!” Steve’s complaint echoed throughout the cavern.

“I’d say we’ve arrived,”

“Yeah, but where’s Merlin?”

You conjured your own light source and looked out into the thick darkness. You didn’t have to look far.

“Oh no,”

You heard the rest of your group gasp as a wooden raft floated towards you. The one and only Excalibur was embedded into one of the planks.

“Uh, he can handle himself,”

You had your doubts, but you didn’t voice them. Douxie didn’t need that right now.

“Let’s just stick to the plan and find the Lady,” your wizard stepped onto the raft, removing Excalibur with some difficulty that did not go unnoticed by you, “And everything will be fine,”

As soon as your party had gathered on the raft, fog rolled in, and lanterns around the craft lit themselves, almost reminding you of England during the Jack the Ripper case. It sent some nostalgia through your system, but it wasn’t enough to distract you. It was, however, enough to freak out Steve, who tried to jump off the raft, but he had the sense to jump back on a moment later. The impact sent you into Douxie’s side, but he managed to catch you and help you right yourself, careful to keep the sword he carried away from you. You noticed that the hand that didn’t have the sword remained on your waist even after you were standing. You placed your own hand over his, squeezing it and smiling softly before returning your attention to the mist and the quest in front of you.

Once again, you didn’t have to look far. The Lady of the Lake rose from the murky water.

“It’s… it’s her,”

“I am the Lady, Nimue, Eldest of Oracles, Why do you seek me?” her voice was soft, ethereal, but somehow familiar. You couldn’t place where you’d heard it before.

“Okay, everyone, just be nice to the goddess,” Douxie said, his hand slipping from your waist, “I’ll sort this,”

You nodded at him before taking a step back, trying to be subtle as you placed yourself in front of the kids and Archie. Soft, ethereal voice or otherwise, this was still a goddess who could kill you all if she wanted. Better you take the hit than them.

“Oh, mighty Lake Lady… we are here to request your aid,”

“And we’re missing an old wizard if you’ve seen one,” Archie asked, flying around Steve.

The Lady spoke, “I can give you what you seek,”

Douxie gave you a quick thumbs-up before turning back to the sea-green goddess, “Only you can help us on our quest to fix Excalibur and save Camelot,”

The Lady came closer to your raft, making you take a step back, “That is not which you truly desire,”

Shit.

“You seek redemption from a scorned mentor, and to protect the one you love,” she glided over to Claire, “Escape from guilt,” Steve, “Validation of knighthood,” You, “An escape from the curse which keeps you from your lover,” well, she wasn’t wrong. You did indeed want out of whatever kept you a mindless assassin back in your own time.

Archie was last, “And you seek… roasted salmon?”

“Guilty,”

“What? Come on Arch,”

“You are not the first to try and deceive me,” the goddess said, rising above you, her voice distorting, “Ẏ̸̞̘̼̈́ͅȭ̵̳̖̝̲̮̱̦̻̑̉̇́̿u̶̧̗̻̤̥̗͈͍͌̏̌̓͑͛̕ ̷̨̣̮͛̈̒̈́́̕ą̸̡̧͇̠̘͉̓̈́̉̿̓͘͘͝ŗ̵̡͕̠̝̲̫̳̊̍͂̿̂̏̏͝ẻ̷̼̖̉ ̷̨͙̙͖̜̼̈̒̍́̍̒̚͜͝ͅń̵̡̻̯̲̜̞̅̊̆́͘͝o̸̝͈̜͖̳̬͍͒͜ţ̷̛̘͕͑̈́̈́́́̈́̒ ̸̤̹̠̱̟̈̂̈́̆̀̏͝͝ẇ̶̡͍̙̝͎̲̍͐o̸̬̘͔̖̮͛̔̋͛̂͑̽ř̶̢͖̠̖͈͍̼̀̿̆ẗ̴͖́̌́̾̈̇̀̑h̵̢̨̡̬̰̙̘̼̀͒͐̇̇̚ẏ̶͓̙͖̮̣̉̋́ͅ!̵̢̧̩̪̗̱͍̑̀͛͘͝” 

Around you, the water began to bubble, which was never a good sign.

“Uh, guys?”

“Mr. Magic Man?” you turned to Steve’s side of the raft, only to see a glowing yellow eye staring back at you. You grabbed Steve, throwing him behind you and drawing your sword.

“That is no lady!”

Nimue continued, voice still distorted, “You seek, you take, and all receive their final reward!”

Huge tentacles rose from the water around you, shaking the raft and forcing you to brace yourself.

“Shiiit, shit, shit, shit,” you said under your breath. This was not a good time to remember the internet’s fascination with tentacles for a reason that will not be stated here, but you absolutely know, but you remembered it anyway, “This is not where we want to be,”

“TIME TO PROVE MY KNIGHTLY SKILLS,” Steve said, drawing his sword while Claire prepared her magic, “I'll protect thou- thee, uh- huzzah!”

You had no idea why Steve thought that would be a good battle cry, but there was no time as he was promptly dragged off the raft by a tentacle and swallowed by the beast.

“Steve!” those of you still on the raft cried out. There was no time to mourn, though, as Nimue rose further from the deep.

“Now, onto your rewards!”

You ducked under a tentacle as the goddess continued her rampage, “Such puny creatures make tasty meals!”

You dodged another tentacle, however, Douxie was not so lucky.

“Let go of him!” you yelled as you and Douxie both slashed at the tentacle, you with your sword and Douxie with Excalibur. Nimue let out a cry as green liquid squirted from the slash marks you’d made with your weapons.

The Lady of the Lake continued to scream as Archie hit her in the face with some fire before flying back down to you.

“I hate to say it, but perhaps we should have stayed on the ship!”

“Maybe!” you yelled, putting up a shield as Archie blew more fire at the water, propelling you back and away from the raging tentacle monster. The appendages struck your shield a few times, shaking you until you were on your knees.

“We need to subdue her so she’ll fix Excalibur!”

“We need to get Steve out of this seaside freakshow!”

“Yes to both of those!”

Douxie threw a spell at the Lady, but it bounced right off. One of her tentacles hit near the raft, sending you all backwards and forcing you into a corner. The tentacles continued to thrash some more as the Lady of the Lake brought her head out of the water. Her full head. With the eye.

“Oh, fuzzbuckets,”

“I can’t believe we’re all gonna die and you still won’t say fuck,”

“I’ll get to it!”

You kept yourself in front of Claire as Nimue grabbed a pillar from the ceiling and threw it at you. Douxie was able to block it, reminding you for a moment of how strong he really was.

“You’ve been a very bad Lake Lady!” he yelled, before sending the pillar back into the monster’s gut, forcing her to spit out Steve and Merlin.

“My revenge tasted so sweet,”

“Wait, revenge? What revenge?”

“You attacked us, lady!”

“But not just us,” you said, turning to face Merlin, then Nimue as everything fell into place, “Ok, what did Merlin do?”

“(Y/N)-”

“Shh,”

“Long ago, I gave him the blade, but he imprisoned me here in this cave without hope,”

“Wait, Merlin trapped you here?”

The Lady growled, “Now my prison will be your tomb!”

“Take her down man, or we’re all gonna get dead!” Steve yelled from the sidelines.

“But who’ll repair Excalibur, Douxie?”

“Well, she’s not going to!”

“Do you blame her? Prisoners aren’t exactly helpful,” you spoke with the bitterness of someone who’d been held prisoner for a long time, which you had been. The pain in your voice was more than enough to convince Douxie to do the right thing, even though that had already been the plan. If he couldn’t save you from your cage, he would save Nimue from hers.

“What do we do Douxie?”

Without another word, your wizard threw Excalibur into the air, did something with the brace on his arm, and caught what was left of the sword, which was now glowing with blue magic. As you shielded your eyes from the sudden light in the dark, Douxie yelled, “Tenebris Exilium!” and threw the sword again, breaking a wall in the back of the cavern.

“Wait, you let that tentacle lady bounce?”

“And destroyed Excalibur?”

“You set her free,” you were slightly dazed, not even noticing the movements of the Lady. You were focused on Douxie.

“What are you waiting for? Just go!” Douxie turned away from Nimue before continuing, “I may not know how to fix this… but I do know that you shouldn’t be stuck in here,”

“You are… different. You are kind,” behind Douxie, Excalibur rose in the air, the once red gem set in its hilt turning green, “This gift must be repaid. The sword was meant for those worthy. Do good with it,”

“I shall return it to its rightful place,” your wizard said, taking the sword from the air, ‘thank you, Scary Monster Lake Lady,”

You watched as the Lady of the Lake swam off into the night, only vaguely hearing Steve’s goodbye to the monster.

“Hisirdoux!” Merlin coughed, “What have you done!”

“The right thing, have you heard of it?”

“Oh, is that Excalibur?”

“Indeed,” Douxie said, twirling the sword in his hands, “I’ve resecured Camelot’s stability, just as you’d planned,”

“Ah… we must return to Camelot, where we will discuss your blunders later,”

Merlin turned to leave, and you’d never wanted to fight anyone more.

“Nice work, Teach,”

“You did good, Doux,” you said, again slipping your hand into his.

“And I got a monster trophy! Whoo! Quest!”

“We’re very proud of you Steve,” 

Douxie smiled at you, moving his hand from yours instead, putting an arm around your waist. The feeling of being close to someone was nice.

But you had a choice to make. You could either keep falling in love with the wizard, getting yourself attached to the point where it would kill you to be separated from him before going home and facing that exact fate, or you could hurt him by pulling away for good.

You stayed where you were. A future you could deal with future problems, right now, this was what you needed.

So instead of running away, you threw your arms around the wizard and you thanked him.

You didn’t specify what your thanks was for. It was for a lot of things; for not hating you, for saving Nimue, for watching out for you and for your gang of children, etc. 

Douxie wasted no time in returning your embrace. He held you as if he were afraid that this was the last time he would have the chance to do so. 

As you let go, you felt him kiss your forehead, and once again you were filled with the desire to kiss the wizard. So you did. It was fuckin awesome. 

Although it came with some unforeseen consequences, namely Steve and Claire saw you kiss your wizard boyfriend, “Wait, (Y/N), Doux, when did that start?”

“Uhh, what do we wanna go with here, the eighties?” you asked, turning to Douxie, whose arms were still around you.

“That works for me, darling,”

“Cool,” you turned back to Claire, “The eighties,”

“Wait! (Y/N), you said Dumbledork was just an acquaintance!”

“Those claims were greatly exaggerated, Steve,”

“Well, that’s the understatement of the century,”

“You don’t know that, it’s still early. Shall we go?”

“Wait, wait, how long have you two known each other, exactly?”

“Since now, pretty much. We both studied under Merlin, kept up a rivalry for a few hundred years, he couldn’t stay away from me, you know, typical stuff,”

“Excuse me, who couldn’t stay away from who?” Douxie was joking, but the grin on his face made it clear he was enjoying this little round of twenty questions.

“If anything brought us together, it was fate and pain, can we go now?”

“Alright, love, let’s go,”

“Thank you,”

“Wait, we have more questions-”

“We’ll answer them later, I promise, right now, I need a nap,”

Finally, the children stopped asking things, and your small group walked out of the cave, Douxie’s hand never leaving yours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they deserve to be happy god damn it


	19. Battle Royal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Y/N) is traumatized, but you knew that already

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SHE'S BACK

You were very pleased to finally get a nap. 

It took a few minutes of answering questions, and by the end of it you’d basically told Claire and Steve every secret you’d ever had, but it was worth it. You’d answer all of their questions and a million more if it meant you got to take another nap in the corner of Douxie’s room.

Waking up to general panic, however, was not as good.

“Morgana’s alive and coming for us!”

You sat up just in time to see Morgana’s hand reach through a shadow portal, only for Claire to shut the thing before any real damage could be done.

“Well… that’s not good,”

“Douxie, what do we do?”

Your wizard turned to face you, then Claire, then the empty space where the portal had been.

“Merlin?”

You nodded, “Yeah, Merlin,”

It took you less than a minute to wake up from your nap, and five minutes to get to Merlin’s workshop. After that, it only took you an eternity to convince him that Morgana had really returned.

“I swear, Morgana’s not dead!”

“Rubbish,”

“It’s true, master. She saw her in the shadow realm, which is great for saving history,”

“But she’s coming to attack the kingdom any second!”

“Which is less great,”

“We are all in grave danger,”

“And what were you doing in the shadow realm, hmm? Its dark mirrors trick you, sozzle your mind. Morgana is dead, and no magic can change that. I haven’t time to chase ghosts. We have more immediate threats,”

Typical Merlin, unwilling to listen to anyone except Arthur. But something he said struck a chord with you. No magic could bring Morgana back, at least no magic  _ Merlin _ knew of. You, however, had some experience with a different kind of magic, one that had some alarming potential.

“Morgana is a threat!”

“Listen well, girl, even if she had cheated death, we don’t stand a chance if Gunmar attacks before I finish the amulet,”

Past Douxie kicked down the door. He was talking, they all were, but you were  _ very _ lost in thought. The Arcane Order had mentioned something about being older than the stars, and that meant they were round now. If their magic could possess you, and create the green knight, then-

“I know you think we’re just a bunch of dumb teens, but we have to defend Camelot from disaster,”

“Hey, guys? What if we’re thinking of the wrong disaster,”

You had Douxie and Claire’s attention, but not Merlin’s. What else is new.

“Think about it. Morgana had to be brought back by extremely powerful magic. Maybe Gandalf over here can’t think of anything that could do that, but I think I have a good idea of we might be facing,”

Your wizard and the sorceress watched you with anticipation, but Merlin had no time for this. With a wave of his hand, half-masks appeared, covering the bottom of your face. The same thing happened to Claire and Douxie. 

“Silence!”

“Wizard got your tongues?”

You couldn’t speak, but with the limited knowledge of morse code that you’d picked up in the wars, you told Archie that you would fight him in a Denny’s parking lot whenever the opportunity arose.

“If you truly believe the kingdom’s in danger, then go protect it… outside. I’ve an amulet to finish,”

Green magic surrounded you, lifting you, Douxie, Claire and Archie out the door and away from Merlin.

As much as you hated being silenced, it was kind of fun to watch Douxie struggle to remove the masks. It took a few minutes for the green magic surrounding you and Claire to turn blue, and when it did, you were thankful enough to help your wizard with his gag.

“No sign of Morgana anywhere,”

“Nothing but unwashed plebeians stuffing their faces, eh, Steve?”

If you looked into the crowd, you could see Steve, an unwashed plebeian, stuffing his face. 

You turned your attention from the teenager, who was now running towards your small group, to watch Arthur give his little speech. To be honest, you weren’t actually that focused on what the king was saying. In fact, you had zoned right out until he mentioned Bular. 

At the king’s command, the troll was brought out into the shadows where the public could see him. The Gumm-Gumm prince roared, and you heard screams echo out through the crowd, one of which came from Steve.

You, on the other hand, didn’t scream. Instead, you took a few steps back, clenching your jaw and your fists. Seeing the face of the troll who had stalked you for a century, gotten you tortured, and tried to kill you and your friends was not something you’d been looking forward to.

Douxie noticed your discomfort and grabbed your hand, “You alright, love?”

“Not really, no,”

Your wizard looked around, forming a plan, “Ok, guys, come this way,”

You followed his lead and found yourself in a shaded alleyway discussing the plan. It wasn’t much, but it was way better than being anywhere near Bular.

“Right, we know Arthur’s the main target. I’ll draw stasis traps around the perimeter, put up defensive wards-” Steve cut him off, not with words, but with food, “I forgot how good these tasted. The ones in the future aren’t the same,”

You may have been viscerally upset by the fact that the Gumm-Gumm prince was anywhere near you, but you weren’t heartless. The sight of your boyfriend enjoying a part of his old home brought a smile to your face. Claire, however, had no time for this.

“Guys, this is Morgana we’re talking about. We can’t just wait for her to slice our throats,”

“Why not?”

“Well, I don’t know about you, Steve, but I’d rather not die horribly this week,”

“She’ll find a way in, she’s not just powerful,”

Archie flew down, perching on your shoulder in his dragon form, “No sign of any sorceresses, but then again, all you humans do look the same,”

“She is crafty. She’ll try to infiltrate the tournament,” your gang, minus Steve, started to walk down the street, “We have to go on the offensive, root the witch out,”

“You do that. We’ll secure the castle,”

Claire looked between you and the wizard. You gave her a nod, Douxie gave her a high-five, and the three of you ran off, Archie flying behind you.

You wanted to avoid Bular as much as possible, so you followed your wizard, placing your own protective warding around his. It didn’t take too long for your mood to improve greatly. Spending time with your loved ones just kinda does that sometimes.

“And there. The king’s chambers and Merlin’s tower, completely warded. No evil sorceress getting in now, eh?”

“Oh, you’ve done it alright. Overdone it,”

You cringed as a bypasser found himself trapped in one of Douxie’s sigils, and you walked over with him to free the poor dude.

“Well, at least the castle’s safe,”

“As safe as it can be when an evil sorceress is breathing down your neck,” you crossed your arms, looking around at your work, “I really hope we never have to use these,”

Douxie wrapped an arm around your waist and placed a hand on the side of your face, turning you to look at him, “You never know, love, but whatever comes next, I promise I will keep you safe. I won’t let anyone, Arcane Order included, hurt you again,” the emotion in his voice almost surprised you. 

You knew that what the Order did to you had caused damage, both physical and mental, but you’d never really realized that had done the same to him. Obviously, you were worse off, but you just now realized just how much guilt Douxie felt over this, and it made you feel a lot worse. You already knew that he would blame himself and that it would just add to the guilt he already felt about messing up time (which was not his fault), but you had miscalculated just how much remorse the man you loved would feel.

You didn’t say anything. How could you say or do anything other than pull him towards you and bury your face in his chest?

“Thank you, Douxie,” you looked up into his hazel eyes, “And uh, just in case you were wondering, I’ve got your back also,”

He smiled, letting out a small laugh, “I know. Thank you, darling,”

“Ay, no need to thank me,” you said, a lazy grin on your face as you kissed your wizard. 

Your hands moved from his back to rest on his neck. Maybe it wasn’t the most romantic thought, but you were really glad that you weren’t driven to strangle him. You broke the kiss, still grinning. He turned his face, taking one of your hands and kissing it. 

“I love you,” his words were a little muffled by your hand, but that didn’t take away any of the meaning.

If possible, your smile got bigger, “I love you too,”

Externally, everything was quiet and peaceful, but internally, you were screaming and thinking, “Fuckin finally!” over and over again.

This might have been a bad idea for a future you, but screw it. You’d been waiting for this for long enough, and the same went for Douxie. You had been through a lot in the past few decades, and you both deserved a goddamn break, and to spend some time with each other.

But clearly, the universe did not agree.

“OI, the king summons you!” oh wow, and it was Gallahad specifically ruining the moment, which is, what, the second time he’s done that? He grabbed your boyfriend and shook him around a little before continuing, “Come with me at once!”

“What-”

You and Archie shared a glance of mutual confusion before following the knight and the wizard.

“We have reached the time that’s not the beginning, but not the end! A half-time, if you will. Enjoy this match of misfits, my lord!”

“Ugh, I thought the king was in danger, not looking to use my friend as a sideshow,”

“Well, that’s Camelot for you,” 

While the crowd watched Archie burn a gnome to a crisp, you watched Bular, who sat looking extremely bored, in his corner. Technically speaking, he hadn’t sent spies after you, ordered your torture, or tried to kill your friends yet, but you knew he would one day, and that was enough to set you on edge.

Douxie slipped a hand into yours, squeezing it reassuringly, and you smiled. You may have been a ball of nerves and edges at that moment, but you still had a heart.

“Now, the formidable Knight of Skulls and his challenger, Sir Clairee of the House of Nuñez!”

Now, you were always down for a good scheme, but this was a little too unexpected. Your jaw dropped as you watched Claire enter the field dressed in her purple armour. Without a second thought, both you and Douxie had thrown yourselves over the stand you’d been in to get closer to the girl.

“What is she doing?”

“I  _ think _ she’s Mulan-ing it,”

Whatever the hell Claire was doing, she did it with style, fighting with grace and elegance in a swirl of purple and black. She was doing well until her opponent grabbed Steve’s drink and threw it in her face. The girl fell back and the Knight of Skulls raised his axe above her head. With no other option, Claire used her magic to throw the guy against the wall.

“Sorcery? That is forbidden!”

“Yeah, but you have to admit it’s pretty epic,”

Claire didn’t give a shit about what Arthur had to say, something you respected. The girl got straight to business interrogating the fallen knight. You didn’t know why she was doing it, but you assumed she had reasons.

Or you did until she flipped the guy’s helmet off revealing a very confused red-haired dude.

Lancelot and another guard grabbed Claire, removing her helmet and revealing that she was, in fact, a woman. This mattered to no one. What did matter, was that she had used magic.

“The witch is disqualified!”

“You both fight with no honour! Begone!”

“Well, that isn’t the worst thing that could have happened,”

“Hail, Morgana!”

“But that is!”

A man with a green glowing blade appeared behind Arthur, prepared to stab him. Before he had the chance, Claire portaled the assassin out onto the field where he transformed into a troll.

“Oop, changeling,” you muttered, earning a half-smile from Douxie.

The creature laughed as it drew more green knives, one for each of his four hands. Lovely.

“Yep, changeling. Protect the king!” Douxie yelled as said changeling threw two knives. The blades hit their marks, turning two guards to stone.

The situation somehow got worse as the king entered the fray, jumping in front of the creature. The changeling, however, did not attack the king, instead, he elected to make your worst nightmares come true.

“Run free, Gumm-Gumm prince,”

“At last!”

“(Y/N), run,” Douxie said before he, too, threw himself right into danger.

As Bular pounced on the king, Douxie created a shield around himself and Arthur. Upon impact, the sphere-shaped defence rolled away and out of the courtyard. Bular wasted no time going after them, not even giving you a second glance. You supposed you should be relieved, but you could feel the hits Douxie was taking, and suddenly relief was out of the question. 

You went to follow the king and your wizard when the kingdom exploded. You braced yourself for a moment before continuing on your course. Bombs or not, you were going to protect your wizard. And also the king. That was probably important.

You made it out of the yard just in time to see Bular jump through the flames and over the now crumbling walls of Camelot to his freedom. Cool, dope, the threat to your life was gone. Now all that was left was the threat to Arthur’s life.

Speaking of, you darted in front of the king, creating a shield just as the changeling attacked. It bounced off the force-field you’d created, giving you enough time to draw your sword. Your friends and Lancelot stood tall, protecting the king, weapons at the ready. It probably looked awesome, but you couldn’t tell. Fortunately for you, I can tell, and it did look awesome.

“Stay back!”

The creature growled, “Fools, I’ve already won!”

Your eyes widened as you watched explosions surround the castle, each one contained in a force-field of its own.

“Merlin’s tower!”

“Good call with the defences, guys!”

“Yeah, but they won’t last long,”

“Oh no, Douxie,” Archie warned, flying towards you.

“What?”

“The other Douxie! With the man-bun, in the tower?”

“fUCK!”

“Ohhhhh fUZZBUCKETS!”

You, Douxie and Claire bolted to the castle, but your speed did not stop your snark, “Still not gonna say it?”

“Be patient, love!”

By the time you got to the castle, green smoke was everywhere. True, it was surrounded by shields, but that didn’t make it any less horrifying.

Douxie was equally horrified, if not more so. This was his home once, and watching it go up in flames was not a pleasant experience. It also put the thought of Claire, or worse, you going up in flames into his head, and that made him feel sick.

“(Y/N), Claire, stay here, help the civilians,”

“Are you kidding!?”

“Douxie, we can help!”

You looked around. The civilians were, in fact, in need of help, and as much as you wanted to help your friends, the people needed you more. But that didn’t mean Claire had to stick with you. She was good in a fight, and you were more of a doctor. It just made sense for them to do this.

“Ok, you guys go, I’ll stay,”

“(Y/N)-” 

You cut off Claire’s protests, “Ah, ah, no, we don’t have time for this, just-” you took a second to kiss Douxie, because you did have time for that, “Come back to me, ok?”

They both nodded, and you ran off in separate directions. 

Healing calmed you. Sure, you could fight and whatever else, but healing was your passion. You hadn’t studied medicine for centuries for nothing. Taking on your role as a doctor cleared your mind. You were able to direct people to the safest places, protecting them from falling debris and fixing whatever wounds they had.

Then there was another explosion and your mind went fuzzy again. You didn’t feel any pain, so Douxie was probably fine, but you were still concerned. You ran back to where you’d left Steve and the knights, just in time to see the kid get himself knighted.

Everyone was alive, thank god, and they all appeared to be in decent condition, except for past Douxie who was passed out in a barrel.

“Do you have an explanation for that, or should I just assume you’re  _ trying _ to give your past self head trauma?”

Douxie just laughed, and you hugged him, sticking with the head trauma theory because no other answer had been provided.

You relaxed into his hold, returning the hug, “Hey, can you do me a favour and never run into an exploding building again, please? Thank you,”

“I don’t plan on it, love,”

You smirked a little as you pulled away from his embrace, your hands remaining intertwined, “Good, would be worried if you did,”

Douxie laughed again, slinging an arm around your shoulders as you went to check on Claire and Steve.

It was just then that Merlin finally fucking noticed that his two apprentices were getting along. Even the old wizard had to admit, it was nice seeing you two not trying to murder each other. It really looked like that binding spell paid off.

A win for team Merlin.


	20. Killahead Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> is killahead part 1, that's literally it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no warnings

The end of one battle led to the beginning of another. Convincing the king to get help from the good trolls took a hot second, but it went over better than you’d expected. Portaling to Dwoza was fairly uneventful. It was weird to be there considering your childhood in Gunmar’s army, but it was nice to see that Jim was alive. However, it was not nice to see that his wound had not gotten better. If anything the opposite had happened.

So, instead of doing anything useful, you dragged Claire and Jim off to the side while the king and Vendel made their negotiations. You could almost feel the pain radiating off Jim, but he sat still as you examined the shard, something you were very thankful for.

“Ok, it looks as normal as it can be for a black magic impalement.”

“(Y/N), you said that the green knight hit you with something similar when he tried to get you to kill Douxie. Did it look anything like this?” Claire brought forward a decent point that confused the hell out of Jim.

“I’m sorry, what happened?!”

“It’s a long story,” you smirked a little, knowing that the story of your life was longer than any of these kids knew, “But no. I think what got me might have been an experiment, or a prototype or something because it didn’t stick around like this. The shard just hit me and dissolved.”

“Can someone please explain what’s going on?”

“Later. First, tell me, has anything weird happened with this?” you gestured vaguely to the boy’s chest.

“Uh, nope! Nothing weird at all!”

Ok, well that was clearly a lie, but you didn’t have time to internalize that.

“ANYWAY!” Nice going Jim, changing the subject doesn’t make you more sus at all, “You really think they can work this out? This negotiation thing?”

There was a sudden weight on your shoulder and turned to see Douxie leaning on you. You grinned a little before returning your attention to the kids.

“They have to, or everyone in Camelot and Dwoza is doomed.”

“And so is saving history. Great.”

“I assure you, all will be fine once I’ve completed my amulet,” Merlin said, walking over to your group, “So, this is the once and future trollhunter I’ve heard of. May I have a word, alone?”

“Um, sure. Be right back,”

You gave Jim a half-assed wave while Douxie shrugged at Claire, confirming that none of you had any clue what the hell was going on. 

It only took five minutes for you to get concerned.

“They’ve been talking for a long time, who wants to go eavesdrop?”

“No, no, no eavesdropping. Let’s just check up on them. See what they’re talking about,”

“Whatever you say, kid,”

You and Douxie followed behind Claire, but as you drew closer to the trollhunter and the master wizard, you grew more and more concerned, and more and more certain that you knew exactly what they were talking about.

“Something wrong, love?”

You checked to make sure Claire was out of earshot before speaking, “I think, if we get back to our time, Jim will either die or get possessed,”

“I- How do you mean?”

“The shard that got me was a direct hit. I didn’t have any armour on to protect me, and once it hit I was gone. Like, boom. Brainwashed. Jim has armour, and the shard didn’t go in all the way, that’s why the process has been so slow. When we went back in time, it basically stopped, but I’m pretty sure if it stays where it is, it’ll either kill him or take him over slowly.”

“That is a very concerning theory.”

“Oh yeah, definitely.”

You would’ve liked more time to explore that line of thinking. If Jim would return to a possessed state, what would happen to you? You’d already guessed that the desire to murder your boyfriend would return, and that  _ sucked, _ but it was something you had to be ready for. You wanted a chance to breathe, to prepare yourself for these inevitable outcomes, but your attention was dragged out of your head and back to Claire, who was speaking with Merlin and Jim, “Hey, is everything okay? What are you talking about?”

“Oh, um… nothing,” smooth Jim, “Just Merlin prepping me for the trip home.”

“Wait, wait, wait, you finally finished the Heart of Avalon? It’s working?”

“Indeed. But first, we must survive the battle to come.”

“Yeah, well, that’s nothing new,” you hummed.

“Wizard! We’ve reached an agreement. Now you must convince the crowd.”

“Oh, wow, love that for you,”

Merlin sent you a glare, but you just smiled. True, Merlin had essentially saved your life in a convoluted way, and he’d tied you to Douxie, which was technically the best thing that had ever happened to you, but that didn’t mean you weren’t going to be a sassy little shit.

One sass-free light show later, and the trolls were on your side. Lights generally have that effect on people.

“Well, it seems we may have a shot at surviving this after all,” Archie said, talking up at you from his spot at your side.

“One shot is the best I can offer. When Killahead activates, it shall unleash a surge of magic across the realm,” Merlin said.

“Just enough to power the Heart of Avalon for a trip through time.”

“But only one, which means everything must go according to my plan.”

“So, just like everything else,” Merlin ignored you on the outside but wondered if anyone would notice if you took a three hundred year long nap on the inside, “Hisirdoux, with me. I need your assistance.”

“At least we’re reunited,” Claire said, hugging Jim, “We’ll get through this... together. Come on, I wanna take you somewhere,”

“Uh, you two take a beat. Merlin and I have still got to actually finish the amulet all our hopes are riding on.”

“No pressure. Good luck, babe, have fun with magic stuff.”

“Right,” Douxie said, rolling his eyes a little, but kissing you on the temple nonetheless. 

Your wizard ran off, followed by his familiar.

“Well, there goes my one brain cell. I’m gonna go find something to do. Later, children,”

They waved goodbye, but you were already gone. ‘Something to do’ generally implied chaos, but instead, you found yourself sitting on a rock and contemplating your fate. If Merlin’s plan worked, if he sent you and your friends back to the future, you would kill Douxie. Or at the very least, you would try to. It wasn’t something you wanted to do or even something you wanted to think about, but you knew it was true. You didn’t have a choice.

Of all the things in the world that Douxie had ever joked about, he never expected Morgana’s severed hand to be a laughing matter. But it was. Or, at least it was to Merlin. Weird sense of humour that guy.

Now that everything else was done, the amulet only needed to be locked together before it played its part in saving the world. There was just one issue, but it was easily resolved by Merlin doing the one thing you believed he should have done years ago.

“Is that… is that for me?”

“Thought you’d make something of it. You’ve done great things with less, like that bracelet of yours.”

Douxie paused, looking down at said bracelet, “No, I, uh… I can’t accept this. I’m not worthy.”

“That humility is exactly why it belongs to you,” Merlin held out the staff, but Douxie took a step back. The younger wizard clearly didn’t think he deserved this. In the past few days alone, he’d ruined the future, doomed you and your friends, and generally wreaked havoc across time and space. He’d failed Merlin, and he’d failed you. Oh god, he’d failed you. Even before the time jump, you’d been tortured and he’d let it happen. He hadn’t helped you, hadn’t saved you from the Arcane Order, and you’d suffered a fate you didn’t deserve. 

He looked at the staff in Merlin’s hands. He could feel the power emanating from it. Maybe with this, he could do something. Maybe with this, he could save your future and the world.

He held out his hand and accepted the burden. Somehow, it felt like a weight had been lifted

As much as you loved Douxie, you had to wonder if you’d made a mistake in telling him that. Now that he knew, and now that you had said it, it wasn’t something you could deny anymore. It wasn’t something you could hide from. You loved him. You wanted to spend the rest of your life at his side. But you knew that couldn’t happen if you went home. Could you even call it home if he wasn’t with you? You couldn’t really. It would just be your time but cold and lonely because you would never be able to see him without wanting to commit murder.

You buried your head in your hands, letting out a groan. This was fucking awful. 

“You okay there?”

Clearly, your groan caught some attention, “Callista! Hey, how are you?”

“I’m fine, but you clearly aren’t. What’s up, kid, you wanna talk about it?”

You had to be honest, being called a kid was a little surreal considering your age. You didn’t mind it though.

“Can you… can you keep a secret?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

You smirked a little at the snark in her response. She almost sounded like you.

“My friends and I- you know we aren’t from around here, right?”

She nodded, and you continued, “We need to get home. It’s really important, but when we do- when we return, I know I’m going to be forced to hurt my friends. I don’t want- I can’t do that. I don’t know what I’m gonna do.”

“What’s forcing you to hurt your friends?”

You shrugged. That was a valid question, “A curse. Some evil wizards. The situation isn’t great, but I’m kinda locked into it. We have to get back for the sake of the planet, and I know that, but…” you stood, crossing your arms and looking out over Dwoza, thinking about how, in theory, you were behind enemy lines, “I know I’ll have to run or fight the people I love, and I don’t think I’m strong enough to do either of those things.”

Callista stood, stretched, and made her way over to you, “Well, that sucks.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at that. She was right, things did, in fact, suck. 

“Yeah, it does, doesn’t it?”

“Well, honestly, I don’t think you’re as ‘locked in’ as you think you are.”

A smirk still on your lips, you tilted your head, facing the troll, “Really? What makes you say that.”

“Well, you could always fight the evil wizards.” 

“But they’re so much stronger than me. And if I fail-” you didn’t even want to consider that outcome.

“I wouldn’t be too afraid of failure. You can only screw things up so many times. At some point, you’ll find a way to make things work, find a way to fight back, and if that means punching someone then you just have to punch them. Besides, you’re not too bad in a fight from what I’ve seen, and I’m pretty sure your friends would help you. They seem to like you a lot.”

You looked back out into the small village. If you focused, you could see your friends, all of them returning from their various adventures. Claire and Jim were back from their date looking significantly more relaxed. Douxie was on the other side of the cave system with what appeared to be a staff in one of his hands and Archie on the opposite shoulder. You didn’t even realize you were smiling for a few moments. Callista was right. Your friends did like you a lot. And you liked them, too. Maybe this wasn’t something you would have to fight alone. And besides, in the past few days so many mistakes had been made and so many bad things had happened. Soon enough things would get better. They had to. You would make them.

“Y’know what? I think you’re right,” you turned back to face her, “As soon as I get home, I’m punching all of those wizards in the face.” 

“Good for you, kid.”

“Thank you, Callista. I hope you know that my friends like you too. We have your back.”

It was her turn to smirk as she thanked you. You gave a lil’ two-fingered salute before leaving your rocky seat to rejoin your friends and to make some more mistakes. After the conversation you had, it didn’t surprise you much when Callista became the trollhunter. She was a good leader, and she had the strength for it. You were positive she’d succeed.

The same could not be said for almost everyone else.

“Bushigal! It chose Callista the Calamity? She’s basically a fleshbag.”

“This is the humans’ big plan? The only place that outsiders will lead us is death!”

“Callista,” you kept your voice level as you moved through the crowd, keeping calm to combat the outrage of the trolls around you, “You can do this.”

“Ignore them!” oh hey, look at that, you and Merlin kind of agreeing on something for once, “Accept this honour.”

“No, they’re right,” the troll cast her gaze to the ground, “I’m not a hero. I’m not even good at being a troll!”

You winced as Callista dropped the amulet and ran.

“Go on, say the words!”

You rolled your eyes at Merlin’s tactlessness, but you couldn’t exactly blame him. This was a matter of life and death, and your best chance at life was running away.

“Cal, wait!” Jim passed you, an arm outstretched in her direction.

“I… I can’t do this!” she yelled back, and then she was gone. Well, shit.

You turned back to Jim, “Go after her, hurry.”

He nodded, grabbed Claire, and within a few seconds, they were gone. You kept moving forward, finding yourself next to Douxie just as someone yelled about troll-kind being doomed.

“Gumm-gumms are coming for us, and we’ve wasted time with your silly games!”

“We must hide!”

“We all must fight as allies!” Merlin was trying, but it was useless. This wasn’t going to work. Not yet, anyway. 

You cringed a bit more as Vendel drove that point home, “You think just because your king gives us a shiny toy, you can buy our loyalty? Leave! And take your trinkets with you!”

“These creatures will never trust me. Why should they? This was a mistake.” and now the king was leaving too.

You took a deep breath. There were only so many mistakes you could make until you figured out how things were supposed to work. If you had to punch the Arcane Order when you got home, then Arthur had to get back here and deal with this.

You took a step to follow him when Archie flew in your path, blocking you.

“The amulet chose Callista?”

“It doesn’t matter who it chose. Without the trollhunter, Killahead will be a bloodbath.”

“I sent Jim and Claire to try and bring her back a minute ago. I figured one trollhunter would be best-suited to help another figure out this mess.”

Douxie placed a hand on the small of your back, “You’re probably right. Thank you, love.”

“No problemo.”

“What about the king? Doesn’t history need him at Killahead as well?”

“Don’t worry, I’m on it.”

“Then let’s go, we can’t waste another moment,” you grabbed Douxie’s hand, and together, the three of you ran after the king.

The sun was rising. Or at least you thought it was. It could have been any time of day, really. Time is a construct. But that didn’t matter at that exact moment, what mattered was the king, on his knees and looking totally broken. His crown was discarded near you and Douxie. You stayed silent, electing to let your wizard do the talking.

“Reflecting, my king?”

You hadn’t really expected him to respond, but life is full of surprises.

“I was convinced magic had taken everything from me… but it was my own doing.”

You watched as Douxie made his way towards the fallen ruler, staying a few steps behind at all times. This was his king, and in his opinion, his mess to fix. As much as you disagreed with that second bit, you were content to let Douxie take care of this. You knew he could, and now you just had to make sure he knew it, too.

“I tried to protect my people at the expense of so many others. Morgana was right. She wasn’t evil. I was.”

You felt a tremor run through you as Douxie drew in a breath. It was time to see if you were out of mistakes.

“It’s true you’ve done… questionable things, but the fight’s not over yet. There’s still time to make things right for those you’ve wronged. Help me save them, help  _ us _ save them.”

The king looked up from the ground, and for a moment, you were sure he didn’t see an errand boy or Merlin’s apprentice. He saw someone worth following. You’d say he saw a master wizard, but you weren’t sure he knew the term. That was okay. You saw the same thing.

“I am Hisir-” your wizard stopped himself, “I’m nobody. History won’t remember me. Stories won’t be told about me, but I won’t let that stop me from fighting for what is right. You are Arthur Pendragon. No matter what happens today, I know for a fact that your story will be told. But it’s up to you what legacy you leave behind-- and epitaph, or a legend.”

You couldn’t help the small, prideful smile that crept onto your face. That was your boyfriend, inspiring a king. Maybe history wouldn’t remember him, but you would. The love of your life wasn’t exactly easy to forget.

“But who will stand with me?”

“Galahad stands with his king!”

“I will stand with you!”

“Sir Steve’s got your back, king-o!”

“That’s sweet, but how did they  _ hear that? _ ” you whispered, hoping no one heard it. They didn’t. The next thing you said was audible though, “I owe you my support at this point, quite honestly.”

“And I.”

“You’ll need air support.”

“Then let Camelot be remembered as the warriors we were born.”

Your smile grew as the crowd cheered for the king who had returned to his rightful place and as the knights spoke to their leader, you made your way to yours.

“I’m so proud of you,” you said, grabbing on to one of Douxie’s hands. Your wizard took things a step further, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into a warm embrace.

“Thanks, I was terrified I was going to mess that up.”

You let out a short laugh as you pulled back just enough to catch his eyes, “You? Mess something up? Not possible.”

“Oh, come on now, love-” he was trying to sound annoyed, but you could hear the grin in his voice.

“Nope, not possible.”

“(Y/NNN)-” 

You dissolved into giggles now, though you had enough coherent thought left to know you kinda liked the way he said your name.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

You took another step back, though you did not let go of his hand. Arthur and his army were still cheering, still preparing for a battle that they knew nothing about.

“Do you think,” you turned back to Douxie, “Do you really think we can do this?”

“I’m sure we can. We have to.”

“Then we will.”

The growling of a troll army was something you were used to, once. Now, the sound that defined your childhood only brought on a sense of anxiety that you couldn’t escape. However, you would not let it take you. Your friends needed all the help they could get, and you would be that for them. You could do this. You could handle it.

You took a deep breath. This was gonna be fine. A piece of cake, in fact. Your eyes met Douxie’s, and the normal light behind them was diminished somewhat with both worry for the battle and concern for you.

“Are you going to be okay?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. This’ll be fine.”

“I won’t make you fight-”

“I want to.”

And that was true. You did want to fight. But not for Camelot.

He nodded, one of his hands wrapping around one of yours and squeezing it, “I know. Come back to me when this is over?”

“You know I will.”

And with another grin, he let go of your hand, running off to go be a hero. You followed behind, not running, not yet. Above you, Archie blew fire into the air for, what you guessed was, dramatic effect. It worked. 

Your eyes tore themselves from the light show above you when the King of the Gumm-Gumms roared something else. You couldn’t really hear it from here if you were being honest. It was still surreal though, to see someone who’d saved you as a child ready to kill everyone you cared about for what was, for you, the second time this summer. You had to admit to yourself now that you may have spent a little too much time worrying about your future without thinking of your past, without thinking of what it would be like to fight against your old allies, against Gunmar. True, you’d always known how dangerous the Gumm-Gumm king could be, but now, you were reminded again of what it was you’d left behind. You really couldn’t thank Merlin enough, then, for bonding you to Douxie and forcing you to run. But you wouldn’t run from this anymore. You’d decided that long ago, but now was the time to prove it. You were facing this, facing your past, and you were going to kick its ass.

Bular yelled something else, and Archie stopped breathing fire to call out a warning, “Living cannonballs!! Look alive!!”

You winced as a few of Gunmar’s trolls ran out and rolled into the light, turning to stone as they made it to your side of the valley. That, you had to admit, was a very Gunmar move.

You made your way through the crowd now, to the front. Your sword was a familiar weight in your hands, one that brought back memories of fighting other wars. This would be fine. You’d been through it all before.

“We must hold Killahead Bridge, no matter what nightmares Gunmar throws at us,” Merlin’s voice rang out. The instructions hit you, registering in your head. Defend the bridge.

“Arthur, I can smell your fear!” Oh, great, you could hear him now, “Prepare to be crushed!”

You bit down on nothing, grinding your teeth. That wasn’t really something you wanted to hear in general, but war is war I guess.

Arthur turned now, facing his army, “Knights of the Round Table, our battle cry will shake the heavens and awake the old gods to witness.”

For a moment, your mind wandered, wondering if the king  _ really _ wanted to wake the old gods. You weren’t sure why, but you had a feeling Cthulhu wouldn’t help much in this particular scenario.

The king continued his speech without answering your internal question, “Today, we say ‘no more’ to fear and darkness! For Camelot and glory!”

The king’s army went wild, as expected. Douxie opened the time map, turning to face you, Jim and Claire, “I know the trollhunter isn’t here, but we are! And when I get us all home, brunch on me! For Camelot!”

“I’m holding you to that,” your voice lacked the enthusiasm that everyone else seemed to carry. The crowd around you cheered for Camelot, but you remained silent. You were not fighting for a kingdom that had never really been yours. This was a fight for your friends, for your futures. This was for the hope of getting those kids home, and for the freedom of the trolls who you would call your friends one day. This was for Douxie, and this was for you. 

For the last time, you wondered if your past self had made it to Greece. 

“Let’s show these blokes the power of wizards!”

As night fell, the kind cried out the name of his kingdom. And the battle began.


	21. Killahead Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> killahead part 2!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY HOLIDAYS CHILDREN!! I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS!! (also, i swear to god this was written like, a month ago, so before aaron's explanation on wizards and skulls)

It was about as surreal as you thought it would be.

As a child you were trained to fight; to stab, to slice, to claw, and to bleed. You were taught that humans were the root of all evil and that the Gumm-Gumms would one day take what was theirs. Now you were fighting with the humans, the evil, the oppressors, against what had been your home, your people.

And it was going surprisingly well. It turns out having insider knowledge is very helpful on the battlefield. You were able to block everything they threw at you, to dodge and weave through their attacks and land some pretty good hits of your own. Douxie had your back, of course, blue light striking down as many opponents as it could take. In return, you took out anything that even threatened to get too close.

It  _ was _ going well. But it didn’t last.

“(Y/N), stay behind me,” Douxie’s voice was a dull hum against the roar around you, and of course, the screaming troll in front of you.

“JOIN YOUR BROTHERS AGAINST THIS PATHETIC ARMY!!”

“Oh god.”

Douxie noticed the fact that you weren’t even close to listening to him and took action, moving in front of you, striking any Gumm-Gumm soldier who even looked your way.

“RETURN HOME (Y/N) (L/N)!”

So, that was it. That was what had kept you in the dark as a traitor for at least a hundred years. The very sentence that made you avoid Britain with all your strength. The thing that drove a wedge between you and the man you now loved.

Four words were all it took.

“(Y/N)?? (Y/N), love, please, answer me!”

You jerked your head, snapping back to reality. No matter what events were relevant to your personal history, there was still a battle going on. You had to keep fighting. You struck down another few Gumm-Gumms just as Douxie used some of Archie’s fire to dispose of another, another few.

“Ha, I've always hated those twits!”

“Valid!” you cried as you ducked under an opponent’s strike. You took out their knees, rising again, just in time to see Morgana descend from a sky wormhole. Just what you needed.

“Night has already fallen.”

“Oh, really? Couldn’t tell.”

Douxie rolled his eyes at your sarcasm, but you could see the grin on his face. That boy loved you and all of your shenanigans. You were shaken from your thoughts, however, when Morgana started firing spells into the crowd, yeeting her magic around with reckless abandon. 

“Morgana’s returned! She’s enemy number one!”

“Go!” Jim yelled, “We’ll hold the bridge!”

“Hisirdoux, with me! I-You!” oh no, he was talking to you, “I take you in as my apprentice, spare your life from the sword, and  _ this is how you- _ ”

“Master, they didn’t have a choice!” Douxie grabbed your hand, pulling you behind him as if to shield you from Merlin’s wrath, “It was a matter of survival!”

“Survival! What-”

“Please, Master, let them help. If we leave them here, any of the nights might try to attack them!”

“And why should that matter! They are a traitor, are they not? Death on the battlefield is more merciful than anything they might receive after the battle is won.”

“I won’t let anything happen to them,” Douxie’s voice was calm, but you could hear the anger behind it, “(Y/N) has proved their loyalty to me hundreds of times. They’re more than capable and I trust them with my life.”

You broke from your reverie, eyes painted with concern. How could he trust you so easily? Why did he, even after everything that had happened? This shouldn’t have come as such a shock to you. He did love you, after all, and yet, you still found yourself surprised by this revelation. You couldn’t help the hesitant smile that crept onto your face as you squeezed his hand slightly. He really did love you, didn’t he?

Merlin grumbled something, probably regretting that binding spell right about now, before motioning for you to follow him.

You cast a wave back to the kids, a silent wish for their luck, before you ran after Merlin, your hand still entwined with Douxie’s. He didn’t let go until you reached a small group of ruins, at which point you, your wizard and the old man stood, backs facing each other, all of you peered out into the darkness. Archie flew above you, dragon eyes finding nothing out of the ordinary. Not yet, anyway. You kept your sword out in front of you, and you could tell that Douxie was doing the same with his brace. You had no idea what Merlin was doing, but you never did, so that wasn’t a big deal.

“I feel dark magic.”

“It means she’s close.”

You and the familiar both gasped as something ran through the trees. A chill made its way into the woods, surrounding you and raising goosebumps on your skin. You felt your heart begin to race as strange echoes continued to ring out through the air. They soon morphed from a collection of noises into a laugh-  _ Morgana’s _ .

“An old man, a foolish boy, and a traitor; lost as always.”

Your small group moved slightly, scanning the forest for any sign of the sorceress. You could feel her presence, but there was nothing there.

“Do you dare run… or face my vengeance?”

Oh. There she was.

“Um, is there a third option?” Archie asked, sounding much too calm for the situation at hand. You couldn’t blame him though, you would have done the same. But you weren’t doing the same. You were looking over your shoulder just as a collection of roots shot out at you. Thanks to your little turn, you had an advantage, cutting the offending plant parts before they could get to you. Douxie and Merlin, however, were not so lucky. The latter was pulled to the ground and stabbed through the shoulder with a particularly sharp root. He barked out an order for Hisirdoux to run, which he could not do because of the roots clinging to his shoulders. You used your sword on what you could, and a blast of green energy from Merlin took out the rest. A little anticlimactic if you ask me.

Despite your escape, Morgana cackled, even as Douxie fired spell after spell at her with little success. While he made his attempt, you helped Merlin to a standing position, a task that became easier when Douxie rejoined you at the old wizard’s other side.

“Merlin, you’re injured! Badly… (Y/N), is there anything-”

“Hisirdoux, if I should fall this day…”

Merlin handed his former apprentice a scroll, one which was covered with notes and instructions about building a tomb, and the heart of Avalon. Your brows furrowed as you read over Douxie’s shoulder. That wasn’t ominous at all.

“Why are you giving us this?”

“Foreseeing the future means preparing for the worst of it,” he glared at you for a moment, and you wondered what exactly he could see. He clearly hadn’t seen your act of treason coming, but there were other things that made you wonder. Your thoughts were interrupted by more ominous Merlin content, “That includes your wounded friend.”

“Jim? What about him?”

“The corruption in his heart has no cure. When he returns to the future, it will overtake him.”

Oh. Oh. 

_ Oh no. _

You’d had your suspicions, but hearing it from the master wizard himself brought it to another level of reality. There was no cure. There was no solution. You were going to go home, and you were going to kill Douxie. Or you’d try to, at the very least. Maybe, now that Douxie was a master wizard himself, he could do you both a kindness and kill you where you stood. 

…

Yeah, no. He wouldn’t be doing that anytime soon, but a witch could dream! You feel his hand on your back, a gesture meant to comfort you that only made you sick. How he still cared about you, even after all of this would confuse you for years to come. For now, though, you just accepted it. There wasn’t time for much else with an evil sorceress on the prowl.

“No, no there must be some other way! I made a promise to them, to Claire, to get them home alive, all of them!”

“Yet, to save time itself, you all must return home, even if it means James Lake will be no more.”

That wasn’t exactly a pleasant thought. While a distance stemming from your past had momentarily sprung up between you and the kids, the gap between you had since closed. You loved those little monsters like they were your siblings, and you’d do anything for them. The thought that Jim would have to die, to make another sacrifice when he’d already given up so much, was just another thing that killed you inside.

“And there’s no other solution?” you tried to keep quiet despite the rage that boiled inside you, not at anyone in particular, but at the situation as a whole, “There’s no way to fix this that doesn’t get Jim killed?”

Merlin shook his head, but you didn’t need that confirmation. You already knew the answer.

“Such is the burden of a wizard,” the old one spoke as your small group made its way deeper into the night, “To make the hard choices mortals cannot,” he grunted, slouching forward slightly, reminding you that you should really take a look at that stab wound at some point. Merlin, however, paid no real mind to this, instead, continuing his little monologue, “Now it is yours to bear.”

You looked away from your wizard companions to see a giant skull, lodged between a rock and… well, another rock. Some may call it a canyon, you called it fucking ominous and terrifying. The skull was lit from within, orange light seeping through the space where eyes had once stared out into the world. You wondered, for a moment, how these old bones had ended up here, and how they had stayed. What was the last thing this being saw? Was it the sky above, or the ground below? What could kill something as large as this? You didn’t ask your questions. It didn’t seem like the right time. 

And really, it wasn’t time for anything other than nerves and anxiety. Without a word, you followed Merlin across the rocks until he stood in front of the skull, on top of an odd sort of contraption. You stood a few steps behind, safely off the weird cage thing.

“Morgana, reveal thyself!”

Before you could question the logistics of giving yourselves away, a portal, ringed with gold and made of shadows appeared, releasing the queen of the apocalypse onto another rock. Yep, that sure was an evil sorceress. Just what you needed at this time of night.

“Look what has wandered into my web,” nice starting point. Threatening, but not over the top. You cast your sarcastic thoughts aside for the moment, as valid as they were, preparing yourself instead, for a fight.

“These are dark powers you medal with, Morgana. Who granted them? Who resurrected you from death?”

“Wizards beyond your ken,” ah shit. Just as you suspected. ‘Wizards beyond your ken,’ was mysterious witch for ‘The Arcane Order.’

And then she was gone again. Dope.

“So, uh… we should head into the big skull of doom?” you asked, eyebrows knit together in a mix of concern and confusion.

“Yep, let’s go.” You and Douxie nodded at each other before helping Merlin scale the rocks and get into the skull, asking Archie to stand watch for a moment, just to secure his safety. He agreed only once you’d promised to call him if things got rough. 

Inside of the first skull, you found a second, slightly smaller skull. What the hell was it with magic dudes and skulls, huh? Morgana had this as her lair, the Arcane Order’s ship  _ was _ a skull, Douxie had his whole vibe and Merlin kept skulls in his office. Shit, even you kept bones around, though you were a doctor and arguably had the best excuse. Your thoughts ran wild as you examined the space around you, but they were interrupted by the reappearance of your least favourite murder-witch.

“Morgana!”

The two wizards prepared for battle, but you hesitated. Something was wrong here. Morgana was crying, no-sobbing. You recognized this, whatever this was. You’d seen it in yourself back in the 1300s. Yep, something was wrong alright, and judging by this, someone was probably dead.

“It’s your fault!” She cried, “You’re the reason Arthur is gone!” 

Oh, so you were right. That didn’t really explain how Arthur’s blood was on your hands though.

“What?”

“Gone?”

“Uh, guys? It kinda sounds like the King is dead.”

Your companions had no time to respond as Morgana rose through the air, seeking misplaced revenge instead of proper justice. She fired a spell at the three of you, which Douxie ran to shield you from. Merlin joined him a second later, limping towards the younger wizard with your help. The second he stood on his own, your magic joined theirs.

“She’s too powerful! We have no choice but to seal her away!”

“I know. I’ll try to buy some ti-”

Douxie was cut off when Merlin knocked you both clear across the room and out of the way of another spell, one which left the old wizard in chains.

You felt the impact that Douxie suffered and you were sure he felt yours. Nevertheless, the two of you pulled yourselves up just as Morgana started on another speech.

“Oh, shame! Little Douxie finally gets his staff, just in time to die with it!” 

She aimed her next attack at him, but you interfered, knocking her away with a shield made of your magic. 

“And you! Traitorous little wretch!” you weren’t exactly sure which treason she was talking about or who she learned it from. You’d betrayed a lot of people over the years, she’d have to be more specific, “Why do you still fight alongside them?!”

You knocked away another attack before answering, “The shorter one is cute!” With that, you went on the offensive, landing a kick to Morgana’s stomach and striking her again with the butt of your sword. Your small victory didn’t last long though, as she struck back, the impact slamming you into the opposite wall and probably cracking a few of your ribs. You’d have to apologize to Douxie for that one.

Morgana scoffed at you, looking down at your crumpled figure as you struggled to stand, “Only a fool would fight for love!” 

Her voice may have contained a little more rage than was necessary, and she may have been projecting a little bit, but she didn’t have time to say anything else. Douxie handed a few hits with his staff, using surprise to his advantage, and holding up surprisingly well despite the pain you both were in. Morgana turned her taunting onto Douxie, mocking him as they fought.

“You can’t even wield it!” you winced as she landed a hit, “You should stick to your usual tricks.”

You bit your lip as she struck him in the face- twice. This really wasn’t a great day for either of you, was it?

“Use the power of your staff! Make it your own!”

“Please, Douxie.” Your voice was quiet, and there was almost no way he heard it. Hell, you weren’t even sure what you were asking for, but in the next second, his staff turned into a  _ fucking guitar _ so that was probably it if you had to guess. Or maybe it was the next second when he avenged you by smacking Morgana in the face with said guitar, sending her flying across the room. You knew that as a doctor you shouldn’t hope for someone to crack a rib, but this was an exception you were willing to make.

“What?!”

“BABE! THAT WAS HOT!!” you yelled, too shocked to say much else.

“Bleeding balroths! This is nuclear!” your wizard said, spinning the staff around.

You couldn’t help but laugh at that as you pulled yourself up from the ground. Of all the things Douxie had ever said and done in his life, that had to be the  _ Douxie-est _ .

“Did you just strike me with a-a lute?!”

“Uh-uh-uh-uh. No, uh-uh. Spellcaster guitar, darling.”

You weren’t exactly sure what the fuck he just said, but you were 110% there for it. He played a lil’ riff on his staff, and you had a very brief mental debate on whether or not that took the throne for the Douxie-est thing he’d ever done.

“Needs tuning though.” He continued to play the riff for a solid minute, and you weren’t sure what was funnier. The fact that this was, in fact, something that was happening, or how Done Merlin looked with literally everything at that moment. It was both. Both was good.

“I meant make it your own weapon!”

Douxie finished playing just in time to shield himself from another of Morgana’s attacks, “Well, this is technically an “axe!” 

“You are a huge geek!”

“And you love it!” your wizard yelled, playing again while running from Morgana, looking for an opening while avoiding a volley of spells. He was right. You did love it. That’s why you were going to help at the next opportunity, your (and technically his) poor ribs be damned. 

“Hisirdoux! This is no time for dreadful music!”

“Dreadful?”

“Absolutely infernal.”

“I mean, I thought it was good!” you yelled, launching your own round of spells at Morgana, making it harder for her to land a hit on Douxie.

“No worries, this is just the opening track!”

“What do you hope to do? Blow out our eardrums?”

“Well, pardon me if this rock is too freakin’ awesome for your medieval sensibilities!” You had no idea how he did it, but he managed to land on one of the light fixtures (of all things) while you weren’t looking. You couldn’t really see him from where you were, but you were almost certain that he was doing the sign of horns and sticking out his tongue.

“Enough of your noise!” Morgana cried, blasting you to the side quickly before returning to her real fight. You were lucky that this blast was not as strong as her first. You were able to roll out of it without causing any real damage, a benefit to both you and Douxie. Speaking of, your wizard found himself locked in a Harry Potter-style duel, two magics facing off against one another in a single stream. It was not looking too good for your boi though. He seemed to notice this, and jumped from the light and returned to physical combat on the ground. Unfortunately, that did not end well either, and you bit back a cry as Douxie was thrown through the room. Yeah, things were looking rough. Time to call in the cat calvary. 

You swore you were only gone for a moment, but in that time, Douxie managed to get himself pinned against a wall.

“Do not fret, Merlin. You’ll find a new apprentice to replace him. Are people not dispensable, after all?”

“Ok, go, go now!” you whispered to Archie, your tone intense, which was fair considering the situation. The familiar did as told and flew at the witch, sending her fling off balance and keeping her away from Douxie. Arch did a quick loop near Merlin, tossing the wizard his staff before circling around to land on Douxie’s shoulder. Merlin and Morgana began their fight as you ran to your wizard and his familiar.

“Nice work my dudes, you think you can keep it up?”

“Probably! Arch, light me!” you liked the sound of that. You liked the sight of it even more as blue flames encircled Morgana, trapping her, and allowing Douxie and Archie to make their final attack, keeping the sorceress in place.

“Hurry, I can’t hold her that long!”

“Don’t worry, we’ve got this,” you said, voice quiet as you threw your own spell at the witch from below. Hopefully, that would make things a little easier. It did. Douxie was grateful. 

“You have lost yourself, Morgana! Bound to dark magic. I have no choice but to seal you away!  _ Sigilia infractum!” _

It seemed to work for a second, but then, for like, the third (?) time in that battle you were blasted back, Douxie fell with you and hit the ground harder. 

“Man, this sucks,” you whispered as you pulled yourselves up, going to Merlin’s aid.

“Master!”

“She’s too powerful,” he groaned, “You have to finish this, together.”

“We can do that… we can do that! Let’s go!”

You and Douxie moved in sync, matching each other’s movements exactly. Using his staff, Douxie’s blue magic replaced Merlin’s green while yours froze the witch again, keeping her from attacking you.

_ “Sigilia infractum causera!” _

Finally, the blast from the spell did not hurt you, instead, it did as it was supposed to, trapping Morgana. You let your own spell ease up, instead, lending whatever strength you could to Douxie, God knows he would need it.

“I will destroy you all! No matter what it takes, no matter where you go, I will end all that you love until you feel my agony!”

“Yeah, you aren’t the first person to threaten that! Come up with something original, then we’ll talk.”

The witch roared and threw a spell in your direction, but it disappeared into a shadow edged with purple.

“Hey! Hands off my teachers!”

Oh, Claire! Claire had found you somehow, that was good.

“I swear on all your lives, I shall rise again!”

“Already seen it," the girl cried, throwing some much-deserved sass Morgana's way, "You don’t win. See you in 900 years!”

And with that, the spell was complete. Claire opened another portal, dragging Morgana into it. With that big historical event over, your adrenaline failed you and you staggered forward. That was pretty convenient considering it let you catch Douxie, who was doing much worse than you were. You noticed his eyes rolling back slightly, which was a cause for some alarm.

“Hey, heyheyheyheyhey, stay with us, you nerd, don’t pass out on me,” you weren’t sure you could handle the stress if he did.

“Douxie! Are you okay?!” Archie and Claire moved in, the former knocking Douxie back and licking his face relentlessly.

“Ugh! That’s-that’s disgusting!”

You and Claire both laughed at this, glad that at least this part of the fight was finally over. Douxie stole a glance at you and wondered if he had somehow died during the battle. How else could there be an angel before him?

“Well,” he turned his gaze from your smile to Claire with only minor difficulties, “I think we just saved history.”

You sat back, all fears forgotten for now in a moment of relief and elation as you watched your boyfriend give the girl a high-five.

“And you took down a ninth-level sorceress.”

“Damn right,” you giggled, which was new, but not unwelcome. You turned to Douxie, “Sharp work, samurai.” Your friends rolled their eyes at your antics, though they did it out of love.

The excitement calmed for a moment, allowing Archie to speak, “Merlin would be proud.”

“Yeah, if he wasn’t out cold.”

“I mean, it’s not a great look for him, but full transparency? I could probably take a three-hundred-year nap right now.”

Douxie laughed, but he wrapped a hand around yours and whispered, “Please don’t.”

You squeezed his hand, a silent promise that you would not answer your problems with sleep. Not today, anyway. To be completely honest, the problem immediately at hand could be solved rather quickly, by you, at least.

“Anyway, Merlin’s still been stabbed, so I’ll just-”

Fortunately, this  _ was  _ just a stab wound. No magic, no tricks, no possession, just medicine. That was what you knew, it was what you could deal with. It was over too quickly. Was that a thing you could say? Could you wish for medical treatment to last longer? Was that something you could do? Not to mention that he was your boyfriend’s surrogate dad, which just made things complicated. Either way, it was over too fast. You returned to Camelot, mourned the dead, said your goodbyes, and that was it. Time was up. You had to go home.

Home. What even was home now? You knew the answer. Home was Douxie. Wherever he was, you wanted to be. He made you feel safe, feel loved, feel every good thing that humans are supposed to feel, but- To save the world, to save his life, you would have to leave him. There was no other choice, either you stayed in the past and everyone died, or you went back to the future and risked his life by staying with him. You had to go. As soon as you got back, you’d have to run. You didn’t know where, to-to Spain, or Japan, or Cuba, Vietnam, Egypt, France, somewhere, anywhere, just to keep him safe. You didn’t want to do it. You just wanted to stay by his side, forever, if possible. But that was the thing. It wasn’t possible. And that broke your heart.

And if possible, these gosh darn kids were going to break you even more.

“Everybody, ready yourselves. We don’t have much time. I’ll dial us in for when we left.”

“But what’s gonna happen when we get there? The danger we escaped, it’ll be waiting for us. And Jim’s still hurt.”

You bit your lip as you and Douxie approached Jim and Claire. You  _ really _ didn’t want to be the one who had to say this. You didn’t want to be around when she heard the news. Shit, you didn’t even want it to  _ be  _ news. You just wanted your kids to be happy, and to not kill your boyfriend, and to live  _ for once. _ Maybe fate just didn’t like you.

“Claire, about that… Jim is-”

“Ready to face the inevitable,” Jim held out a hand to stop you.

“Jim, are you sure?” Douxie asked while you maintained your silence. You were pretty sure if you said anything you’d lose your composure. 

“Jim?” Oh  _ God, _ and now Claire was going to find out how  _ screwed _ you still were. This was gonna suck.

“Claire, the shard in- There is no cure. That’s what Merlin told me earlier.”

You winced at the horror on the young girl’s face. She didn’t deserve this. Neither of them did.

“That’s crazy! We can find something! I’ll learn a spell, we can stay here!”

“If we don’t all go back right now, the future won’t exist. What kind of hero would I be if I sacrificed everyone else? Not to be ironic, but we’re out of time.”

“No! Douxie, (Y/N), tell him! We can fix this! You can fix this!”

You brought your hand up to hide your eyes from the sorceress. She was right, you should have been able to fix this, and tears wouldn’t solve anything. Your only solution was running away, and Jim- oh God, Jim. See, it was things like this that made you start drinking in the twenties.

“I’m sorry, Claire. He’s right. We must go back now, but when we do, we’ll find a way to reverse this,” he stole a glance back at you, and your distraught state only drove him further. He had to do this, to fix things when you got home. He owed all of you that much, “I promised I would return you home, and I am, but the portal can only stay open for a few moments. This is our one shot. Trust me.”

A moment later, he joined you at the base of the ship before taking your hand and leading you onto it.

“We’ll fix this,” he promised, his voice low so only you could hear, “Together. We’ll go home to the future, and we’ll fix this, and then-” your eyes met his as he paused, “And then, maybe, we could start our future.”

Despite the tears that threatened to fall, you smiled ever so slightly, “We’ll build a new one if we have to.”

It wasn’t until his lips met yours that you started crying. It wasn’t his fault it was just-  _ fuck _ you would miss this. You smiled again as you pulled apart, though the tears hadn’t stopped. It was for his sake, really. Under normal circumstances, you might pretend that everything was fine, but for just one second, you wanted to believe it.

“I love you,” your voice shook, and you hated it.

“I love you, too,” his voice was strong, yet tired. And you loved it.

You pushed a small smile onto your face, trying to cast the illusion that you were okay, and that everything was okay, and that no one would die when you returned. Your attempts were quickly halted by a sting on your cheek. That came from him, you realized, as you noticed a thin cut that ran across his cheekbone. You ran your thumb over it, his skin patching together and healing under your hand. At least you could still do that one thing. Sure, you were a traitorous assassin, but by god could you heal a small cut.

Douxie smiled, his grin seeming more natural than yours. He kissed you one last time before letting you go and taking the time map. You watched him, not saying a word as he said something under his breath and activated the map and the heart. A beam of light lit the night sky green, going on for a moment until it formed a portal. You could almost see your time on the other side. That was it. That was how you would get back to the future. Yay.

It was weird. You’d known Douxie for so long, and hated him for most of that time, but now? Now you were dreading going back to your time, going back to general safety because it meant that he would die. It was just odd to think that there was a time where you would have wished for this, for a chance to kill him and avoid the blame. If you wished for anything now, it would be another way out.

You followed Douxie onto Merlin’s airship and walked past him, standing as far away as you could. You didn’t know what would happen when you crossed that barrier. You might try to murder him instantly, you might be able to control yourself, you might be able to fight off your curse entirely. The point is, you didn’t know, and distance was the best solution. So, you stood alone and stared off into the night as the ship moved off towards the portal until Steve’s ramblings returned your attention to your friends.

“Man, Camelot was crazy! Why don’t they ever talk about that in the history books?”

Douxie gave the blond kid a pat on the shoulder, and you watched as Steve headed towards the front of the ship where Jim and Claire stood. The girl was looking back towards you, but you couldn’t meet her eyes. Her boyfriend was doomed, and there was nothing you could do about it. And you would have done anything. For those kids, you’d give your own life in a heartbeat, but that wasn’t an option. Not now, not yet. Douxie, however, met her eyes, though only for a moment. You didn’t have to hear him to know what he was thinking.

“My burden to bear.”

And with those final words, the world turned green, and you were gone.


	22. Wizard Underground

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oop, angst, torture, canonical character death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

When the green cleared, the sky looked more or less the same. Dark, stars, clouds. It was clear you were home though, both from Douxie saying so and the immediate urge you had to murder him. Well, you couldn’t say you weren’t expecting it, but it still sucked. The drive to end Douxie’s life was always a real mood killer whether or not you were expecting it.

“Welcome back to the twenty-first century!”

“Ah! Sweet pollution! How I missed you!” Steve choked as he inhaled a lungful of said filthy air. Normally, that wouldn’t be a great thing, but you were sort of thankful for it this time. It distracted Douxie from the whimper that left your lips, from the way you sank to the ground, clinging to the railings, struggling against yourself. This was Not Fun.

Steve, however, was still having a wonderful time, “Heh! And reception!! Hot dang! So many messages.”

From the high-pitched chimes that rang out through the air, you could only guess that Steve was looking at his phone. You couldn’t really see at the moment due to the sudden and  _ blinding pain _ in your stomach. That was new! You weren’t really sure why that was happening, or how Douxie didn’t feel it, but it probably had to do with the Arcane Order and your lack of homicide!

Across the ship, Jim let out a scream, the shard in his chest glowing red and sinking deeper. Fucking lovely. That was two of you in shard related pain. What was next, you losing control and killing not only Douxie but everyone on this damn ship? Another wave of pain rolled through you, which brought an end to your sarcastic thinking. At this rate, that outcome looked less and less insane by the minute. You bit your lip in a silent prayer that nothing else would go wrong. Then Camelot fell out of the sky.

“Oh,  _ shit _ .”

Douxie’s words shocked you enough for you to open your eyes and look at him.

“D-Douxie, you-”

“Yeah, yeah, I know, I’m sorry, hang on tight, love!”

You did as instructed as your wizard flew the ship towards the falling castle, pulling up right beside it at what appeared to be the perfect time.

“Need a lift?”

“Douxie!” you could hear Toby’s voice, but you couldn’t see him. The momentary release granted to you by shock had worn off, and now all you had left was the pain. You shut your eyes and kept them closed, focusing on not passing out, or committing murder, or passing away. Actually, that last one might not have been so bad. At least it would end your suffering and the threat you were to others. That wasn’t going to happen though.

You could hear Archie now, the familiar’s voice was… well, familiar, and it was comforting to you, in an odd way, “But you’re trapped in the past!”

“Not anymore!”

“Took you long enough. We have much to talk about. Like- them?” you didn’t have to see Merlin to know he was talking about you, and in your current state, you were indeed worthy of conversation. You were curled into a ball, shoved against the rails of the ship and trying your damnedest not to cry. You felt like shit, you probably looked like shit, and Merlin didn't even like you in the first place, so yeah, you were something worth mentioning.

“D-don’t worry,” you choked out, “I’m fine. Focus- on Jim.”

Douxie did not want to focus on Jim. He didn’t want to focus on anything except for you at that exact moment. What was happening to you? Why was the love of his life doubled over and in obvious pain when he barely felt a thing? More than anything Douxie wanted to help you. He wanted to make the pain stop, and he wanted to hold you close and make sure you were okay, but Jim, unfortunately, or fortunately depending on the pov, had perfect dramatic timing. 

The poor boy let out a groan, the shard glowing red once again, and causing everyone more concern. You knew there was no way in hell he could have heard what you said, and the groan was probably because Aarrrgh, Toby and Blinky had all boarded the ship which made it move a bit, but you liked to think he was on your side. 

You could hear Toby scream something that sounded like a question, and you knew that Merlin replied, but there was only one voice that mattered to you. He said your name, sounding scared and anxious. It broke your heart, but you said nothing. You didn’t want him to notice you any more than he already had, because if he did, he would try to help, and that meant getting close to you, and if he did that he’d probably receive a broken neck for his troubles. Nobody wanted that. Least of all you.

“I-I’m getting everyone home safe, as promised.”

Merlin said something else, and you felt another shift as something, or rather, someone, landed on the ship. A small squeak left you, you couldn’t help it. Everything just  _ hurt so bad, _ and you honestly didn’t know how Douxie wasn’t feeling it. You were thankful for that, of course, you’d never wish for him to be in pain, ever, but this was just so intense! You could barely function, you just had to keep breathing, hoping that the next inhale would somehow end the pain. 

Another series of squeaks and gasps escaped you as Douxie maneuvered the ship through a field of castle-shaped debris. In any other situation, you’d have complimented him, but at that moment, you were trying to avoid causing anyone any bodily harm. It was difficult while you were flying, but as soon as you landed, things got wayyyy harder.

Douxie approached you cautiously, not wanting to hurt you and not wanting to trigger anything that might make you hurt him. The rest of the squad had jumped off the ship, so for it was just you and your wizard. For all intents and purposes, you were alone with the person you’d been sent to kill. There was nothing stopping you. His hands were raised in surrender for god’s sake.  _ Why _ was he making this so difficult?

“Douxie, you need to go.”

“I- no, I’m not leaving you, we have to go, we have to get somewhere safe-”

“No, you need to- just get off the ship, I’ll join you in a second.” 

That was a total lie, of course, but he didn’t need to know that. He didn’t seem to register it, either. He just looked at you sadly before taking a step back.

“We’ll fix this. I promise you, we’ll fix this. I’m not going to let anything else hurt you.”

You tried to laugh, but the attempt was pathetic, “I know.”

And then he was gone. You could hear Jim screaming somewhere in the night. The sound drowned everything out, submerging you in a sea of guilt. That kid had suffered through so much, and now this. You knew his pain. He didn’t deserve this, and there was nothing you could do to save him.

Douxie was going through the same motions. You were in pain, you didn’t deserve it, and there wasn’t anything he could do about it. Not yet, anyway. He was bound and determined to help you, to end the nightmare you were living in. And it was indeed, your nightmare. He couldn’t feel a thing, even after centuries of sharing your pain. Even now, he could still feel the ache of your cracked ribs, but there was nothing beyond that. He didn’t know what was happening to you, or why, but he knew it terrified him. If this, whatever it was, took you from him, he didn’t know what he would do. He couldn’t stand to lose you. Not after all of this. Even as he spoke with Merlin, his thoughts never left you. The image of you curled around yourself, face contorted with pain, lips bleeding as you bit them to stay silent, would haunt him for the rest of his days.

You, however, were haunted by something else.

“Nari, come back to us and finish the work you have begun!”

“You misunderstand our grand vision.”

Oh,  _ fuck. _

You pulled yourself up, desperately clinging to the rail, pausing every time your vision went white. You weren’t sure yet whether you were going to run away or fight, but the first thing you needed to do was hide. If you chose to run, they couldn’t see you. If they did, they would chase you, capture you, and torture you again. If you chose to fight, you wanted the element of surprise. So, yeah. Hiding was a good plan. 

You threw yourself over the edge of the ship. It was not graceful in the slightest, but no one saw, so it worked out well enough. Your plan was going according to plan, even if everything hurt and you longed for the sweet release of death. You let yourself lean on the ship for a second, closing your eyes against the pain. The cold metal stung where it met your skin. It sucked. Everything sucked. This whole Order ordeal sucked. You wanted to go home. But where even was home? Right, it was the black-haired wizard boy with the shitty dye job who you’d loved for years. 

A green light flashed on the other side of the ship, and you knew you had to make a choice. Either run, and keep running, the same thing you’d been doing since you escaped your life as a spy, or stay and fight. Run or go back to the start of your story and change the meaning. To fight, not for Gunmar and an eternal night, but to protect the people you loved, the town you lived in, and the punk wizard who owned your heart. Yeah, no. That choice was already made for you. It had been for almost a thousand years.

Without a sound, you dragged yourself around the ship and waited for the right moment. It came faster than you’d expected, but that wasn’t a huge deal. You snuck behind the green Knight, and when he demanded surrender, you struck him with your sword. He stumbled forward for a second, and that was it. The only solid hit you made in that fight. Ah, the element of surprise, everyone’s favourite element.

You ducked as the Knight's sword sliced at your throat. Your movements were delayed by a few seconds, but you couldn’t focus on that right now. You just had to keep going. 

Your sword clashed with his, once, twice, a third time, and on that third, you were sent flying back. You scrambled to your feet just in time for another attack, this one accompanied by words. Whether it was a monologue or a taunt you couldn’t tell. Your brain was focused on not dying. You heard him call you a traitor, and a servant before he declared that your soul was his. You didn’t have a smart response for that, so you just kept fighting.

Up, down, side, dodge, sweep the leg, parry, twist left, over and over again. You were almost on autopilot, one hand still clutching your busted ribs, the other doing its best to keep you alive. There was no coherent thought, just adrenaline and movement. Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, select start. Jeep, dodge,  _ ram him with your face _ , or whatever the hell else kept you alive. There was nothing left but basic instinct and training that you’d never forgotten. This was your fight. And you weren’t actually that bad for someone who was half-dead. At least, you weren’t until the Green Knight knocked the sword from your hand and grabbed you by the throat. 

Everything went numb. Your vision was lighter as if a filter covered the world making everything bright and hard to look at. You heard everything and nothing at the same time. It was all… dull. Like you were hearing the battle from somewhere far away. Douxie screamed something that you couldn’t make out, there was a muffled guitar riff, another scream, someone calling you a traitor, and- wait. What in the fresh _ hell  _ was  _ that? Did someone just fucking roar? _

You were dropped, and you rolled out of the way just in time to see a troll you’d never met charge at the Knight. You sat still for a minute, struck dumb by this turn of events. Then you felt yourself freeze, ice creeping into your veins as you realized what was going on. You couldn’t hear Jim screaming anymore. You looked back to the ship. He wasn’t there. That left one, probably unreasonable explanation. The new troll was Jim.  _ Fuck. _

Pulling yourself to your knees, you took another look at your friends, gathered by the ship. It looked, for a moment, like Douxie or Claire would run into the fight. You couldn’t let that happen. So, you did the one thing you could think of, the one thing that would keep them out of this. You stabbed yourself in the leg. It wasn’t a big stab, just a little one. Just enough to convince Douxie that you’d lost control and were now out for his blood. It didn’t work as well as you’d hoped. You could see your wizard fall to one knee. His eyes met yours, and for one second, everything was still. He was there, and you were here, and you were both alive, but on opposite sides of this battle. That’s how it had always been. Maybe that’s how it was always supposed to be. You were back at the start again. A scared kid on the wrong side, clinging to what little light you had left. There were tears in your eyes. You don’t know how they got there. Maybe it was the stab wound, but you didn’t really believe that. Taking a deep breath, you shook your head. He saw you. He stood. And then they were gone.

You smiled, for a second, despite the tears streaming down your face. They were safe, for now. They had a chance. Your momentary peace didn’t last long. Holding his sword above him, the Knight took control of Jim, the red light that ran through his veins turned green, leaving the troll on his hands and knees. At the same time, the pain in your stomach subsided, allowing you to stand, finally. You readied your own blade, but before anything could be accomplished, the Knight turned to you. For once, you could hear what he was saying.

“Attack and the beast dies.”

There was no other choice. You couldn’t let anything bad happen to Jim. You lowered your weapon just as Bellroc jumped from the castle and landed in front of you.

“Take them with us,” you flinched back at their voice. That sound only brought back memories that you would rather forget. Fear took you, and you allowed the Green Knight to grab your shoulder and guide you back to the castle. This was not going to be fun.

Speaking of things that weren’t fun, Douxie was having the worst possible time right now. After hiding in an alley, making his way to Hex Tech, and dealing with a less than pleased Zoe (which involved explaining that he had found you, found out exactly why you left, and lost you  _ again,) _ he was more than a little bit tired, which was  _ fair. _ To make matters worse, his leg stopped hurting somewhere between the field and the alleyway. You were on the Order’s ship. They had you, and  _ god knows _ what they could do to you without him knowing. Quite honestly, Douxie was beyond terrified at this point. He wasn’t really sure what he was. In any other circumstance, he may have been paralyzed by pure fear and anxiety, but someone had to keep Claire from murdering Merlin, so paralysis was a no go. He was sure he’d have time for a nice mental breakdown later, after you were safe. For now, he would focus on keeping the peace, making sure nothing got broken, and forming a plan to get you and Jim home.

You were playing the same game with a different set of pieces. You stayed silent and obedient, making yourself as small as possible to avoid taking up space and pissing off your captors. No matter how panicked you were, you maintained an aura of calm for both your sake and Jim’s. You couldn’t let your emotions slip. Not here, not now. Not that any of your efforts were doing much good. You still flinched with every quick movement, bit your lip whenever someone got too loud. This was not a good situation, and you were straight-up not having a good time. It only got worse with the resurrection of Morgana. It was all too loud, too bright, too- too familiar. This was too close to what happened the last time you were here, and you were terrified. 

Your hands were cold. You tried to focus on that, but for the life of you, you couldn't stop thinking about every bad thing that happened to you within these walls. Someone was yelling, someone else screaming, and you couldn’t tell whether it was real, or if it was a memory. You didn’t even care that the Green Knight was the old king. You just wanted to leave, but for now, against all odds, you had to stay calm. It was not working. At all. Especially when the room turned on you.

“And as for you, _ treasonous witch,” _ y’know, that wasn’t a very original take coming from a primordial ice god. You were honestly a little disappointed. In terms of torture, Skrael had always been a bit more creative. Perhaps, subconsciously, you’d expected that to carry over. It didn’t. In any other situation, you would’ve told him to get some new material, but Bellroc swiftly prevented that by throwing you into the center of the room. You hit the ground hard. Hard enough to blur your vision and clear your mind, but there was no time to process the pain.

“You have  _ failed _ _ us,” _ the flaming demigod’s voice darted from high tones to low ones, sending a chill down your spine. If Bellroc was angry enough to  _ lose control _ of their voice, you were beyond screwed.

Both demigods drew nearer to you, looming over your damaged figure,  _ “You will pay for this.” _

You winced, preparing for the burn of ice or fire on your skin, but no impact came. Instead, you felt a harsh tug on your hair as Bellroc forced you to face them. Both demigods looked  _ way _ too calm, though you could feel their anger, a flaming riot beneath their skin despite their icy exteriors. Their rage alone was almost enough to hurt, but what came next was worse.

“You are much too fond of that  _ wizard apprentice _ … we will make sure he suffers for all of your mistakes.”

You felt yourself shaking as Skrael rasped out the threat, but you didn’t have much more time to react before you were thrown into a wall. That was where their fun began.

Douxie was having a significantly better time than you, but that didn’t mean he was enjoying himself. Over the sounds of Blinky cursing autocorrect, Merlin and Claire were having a battle of ideologies right in front of my metaphorical salad. The audacity. This, of course, was not easy on your wizard. His friend wanted to find a way to save her boyfriend. His mentor wanted to move forward and run away. Douxie _ also _ wanted to save Jim  _ and you _ , but Merlin made a good argument about the fate of the universe and how if they didn’t leave now  _ everyone _ would die. That argument, however, was not enough to erase the memory of your face from his mind. He still saw that image, you, distorted with pain and struggle every time he closed his eyes. The fighting only made things worse; especially when Merlin decided to put that face on screens around the room, side by side with Jim’s new troll form. I don’t know why he thought that was a good idea, but it was Not helping Douxie.

“James Lake and (Y/N) (L/N) are corrupted, gone! They cannot be brought back!”

“Or you’re just too stubborn to try!”

_ “Please, _ you both have solid points!” he could hear the stress and fear in his own voice. Good. Maybe it would make the universe feel bad for him and it would just… throw you through a window at him or something. He didn’t know or care at that point. He was too tired for this and too awake for it at the same time. His eyes hurt. His jaw hurt. Everything hurt except his leg which was just another reminder of how much he missed you. God, he was having an awful day, and it was going to get worse.

“I will not jeopardize the mortal plane for one troll and one wayward witch!”

“It’s what they’d do for us!”

“And look where that got them!” This outburst from his former Master frustrated Douxie enough to make him slam his head into the nearest flat surface and keep it there.

“What!?” Claire exclaimed, the screens around the room went black, your face and Jim’s hidden from view. It would’ve been a relief if Douxie had looked up to see it. “Come on, back me up here. Anybody? Archie?  _ Douxie?” _

He heard the question in her voice.  _ Will you stand up for your significant other, Casperan? Or will you fail them  _ again? He let out a strangled groan to answer the question.

Archie’s answer was more dignified, “Don’t look at me, cats don’t have the right to vote. Neither do dragons. Yet.”

The familiar’s body glowed gold for a minute as he changed forms. It was only a second of shining light, but it was enough to give Douxie an idea.

“Wait a tick. I know a way we can rescue Jim and (Y/N) without risking the world!”

“Is that so?”

“How?”

“If it works, it will be quite the little magic trick.”

And it would indeed be quite the little magic trick. Risking life and limb to save you and Jim would be one hell of a feat, but if there was anyone who could pull it off, it was this specific team. At least, that’s what Douxie told himself. He had to. He had to pretend there was hope and focus on the plan. If he didn’t, his thoughts drifted to you, to what the Order could be doing  _ to _ you, and that persistent question in his mind, the one that asked if you were alive at all. You had to be. You had to. There wasn’t another option, though Douxie found, as he boarded the small ship, that fear was building in his chest. A sense of dread surrounding what exactly they would find, lying still on the floor of the Order’s base.

Douxie was shaken from the hell in his head when Merlin spoke, something about being concerned with the plan and heading into a lion’s den. Your wizard was growing tired of this.

“You gave me a staff because you trusted me, right? So, trust me.”

“Very well. I stand by your decision… wizard.”

The comment was shrugged off by its intended audience, “Everyone knows what they need to do. If we pull this off, we’ll get our friends back.”

In his head, Douxie begged whatever godly forces were out there (that were Not Arcane Order aligned) that they would get their friends back in once piece, safe and sound; though as the lights of the Order’s ship shone in his face, blinding him, he knew that wouldn’t be the case. Oh well.

“Arcane Order!” the ship shifted to face him, a sign that someone was listening, “We’re here to barter!”

The skull moved down through the air, clicking and groaning as it’s jaw dropped to form an entrance, or at least something close to one. Douxie cast a glance back to his comrades, “And that means, ‘Come in.’”

“Wait, we’re flying into the bitey devil castle?” Steve asked incredulously, pointing at said bitey devil castle. Douxie nodded and flew them into the bitey devil castle. Bitey devil castle. I want one.

Steve, however, would not agree with that sentiment. Fear crossed over the teen’s face as their ship drew nearer to the larger craft. He shook so much while exiting the boat that he just fell over. Douxie, Merlin and Not-Nari failed to notice or maybe failed to care. Either way, Steve had an opinion on all of this. He did not like it, “Uh, this is supes dumb. Like, even I know it’s dumb and we’re still gonna go inside?”

If you had been in your right mind and entering the skull with them, you would have agreed, 100%. Unfortunately, you were not that. Instead, you were deeper inside the horror-show palace, writhing with pain and unable to think clearly. That sucked for you, but honestly, you were starting to get used to it.

Douxie, however, was not used to nor prepared for the sudden pain that hit him like a wall of bricks as soon as he entered the Order’s den. It started off intense, matching the pain you felt exactly, but it faded fast until it was a dull throb in the back of his mind. They’d hurt you. They’d hurt and maybe killed you because you didn’t kill him fast enough. That thought, that fact was going to haunt him for the rest of his days. He could already feel his breath coming faster, his chest rising and falling rapidly and leading him to disaster if he didn’t control it. To avoid having a panic attack, your wizard took in his surroundings. 

The lair was, as many good evil lairs are, made of stone and lit light blue with moonlight. It was quiet, empty, so much so that Douxie had to  _ mention _ the overwhelming silence just to  _ hear _ something. Merlin did not respond. At least, not to him _. _

“Good evening, Skrael.”

The ice demigod appeared in a twister of ice and sleet. If he was anything other than an ice demigod, it would have been very uncomfortable, but alas, Skrael’s gotta Skrael, and that included monologuing in his chilling and creepy voice, “Surrendering already? I was hoping for a little more cat and mouse.”

Douxie was suddenly very uncomfortable knowing that this was the company you were trapped with during your ten-year absence. That this was all you’d heard for a decade. Douxie wondered, for a moment, against his will, what exactly they’d said to you in the past ten years. What horrors had you heard? 

The wondering only got worse when Bellroc decided to jump in with a threat of their own. It was a classic, “You will be rewarded with a quick and painful death,” but Bellroc’s intimidating and ever-changing voice added a new level to the threat, something that most other villains lack. The Green Knight didn’t even make a threat, he just growled like a basic bitch. 

Merlin didn’t care though. Basic bitches or otherwise, he got straight to business, “A fight here will end poorly for all of us. We seek a truce,” the old wizard turned to his apprentice and nodded. It was time for someone who  _ did _ care about basic bitches.

“Good evening, doers of evil and ancient terrors. We have a proposal: a trade. One of yours for one of ours,” Douxie moved forwards and back again, his lanky-ass limbs swishing through the air, trying to illustrate his point. It was super effective.

“Our missing third in exchange for your troll mongrel?”

“You would give up your only advantage? What does this gain you?” both Bellroc and Skrael sounded confused, the perfect conditions for a lengthy explanation that would hopefully buy Claire all the time she needed to get Jim  _ and you _ out safely. 

Douxie took a short breath, “Yes, well, an excellent question, one that requires a long, thoughtful, time-consuming answer.  _ Come on, Claire.” _

Somewhere above your friends, your pain began to subside. It wasn’t much, but it was enough for you to stand and make your way over to Jim. You knew that it wasn’t  _ really _ your boy, and you knew that he wouldn’t respond, but you made an attempt to speak with him anyway. You owed him that much.

“Hey there, kid.”

He grunted and moved away from you, retreating into the darkness, “Woah, woah, woah, easy buddy, just- try and stay in one spot for me-” your voice caught in your throat as another wave of agony rolled through you. If you didn’t know any better, you’d say the face of your old friend almost looked concerned.

You brought yourself back up, and a little gasp escaped you as the pain subsided. You were okay for the moment, but you didn’t know how long that would last. It was time to talk as fast as you could.

“Jim, honey, I need you to listen to me. I  _ know _ how hard this is. I  _ know _ what it’s like, trust me. But we- we have to fight this. You have a  _ life to live, _ kiddo. You need to get back to Claire, to Toby and the rest of them, and I-” you cut yourself off before you could say you needed to get home, to get to Douxie. As much as you loved Jim, he was under the Order’s control. They’d already threatened your wizard’s life, you didn’t need them knowing  _ exactly _ how much he meant to you. However, magic be damned, you had to get through to the boy inside this monstrous shell, “I know it’s hard, Jim, but I’m fighting this with you. Neither of us are alone.”

He growled at you but didn’t respond outside of that. It was time to be persistent. 

“I know. But I need you to come back. I need-” once again, you couldn’t say what you were thinking. You couldn’t tell him that you needed proof, something to believe in that could maybe restore the last of your faith. You needed to know that there was hope, that you could come back from this. Jim Lake was one of the bravest and strongest kids you knew. He’d been through so much, and in comparison to your age, he was just a baby. If anyone could fight this, it would be him, and if he couldn’t, you weren’t sure if you could. You drew a shaky breath before you continued, “I need you to come back, for Claire, Toby, your mom, for  _ yourself. _ You deserve better than this.”

He growled again, burrowing deeper into his hiding place. You bit your lip, thinking of what to say next, but you were interrupted. Someone was coming. Now  _ you _ needed to hide.

It wasn’t a member of the Order as you’d suspected. Instead, Claire portaled into the room. You had no idea  _ how _ she got in here, but seeing her was better than seeing the alternative. You stayed hidden while she spoke to Jim, almost feeling like you were intruding. At least he actually talked to her. You watched, hidden in shadows while she tried to coax him into leaving with her. You stayed silent, which became a little more difficult when a sharp pain shot up your side. You bit your lip to avoid crying out, but nothing could prevent the gasp that escaped you when you realized  _ exactly _ where that pain had come from. If it wasn’t yours, then that meant it was Douxie’s. Douxie was somewhere in the castle. 

That thought drove a deep, unyielding fear straight into your heart. You had to get to him, to protect him from the Order, curses and shards be damned. You jumped from your hiding place, causing the briefest of distractions to Claire, Jim, and Morgana, who had joined the fray while you weren’t watching. You paid them no mind, though. Claire could portal out of here, Morgana could more than take care of herself, and Jim was Bellroc and Skrael’s new favourite weapon. They would be okay. But you? If the sudden sharp pain in your back meant anything, you had somewhere else to be.

The first thing you saw was Jim, clinging to the ceiling above your wizard, ready to pounce. You would have attacked him if your vision hadn’t gone green. At first, you thought it was Merlin, trying in vain to protect Douxie, but then you realized exactly what was happening to you. And that was much worse. 

Here, in close quarters with both the Green Knight and Douxie, the drive to kill your love had increased exponentially. Your mind clouded with bloodlust, your hands seized your sword. Before your eyes, you saw vivid flashes of green and red. It didn’t take you long to realize that the red was his blood. Or, it was supposed to be. At any other time, these visions would have destroyed you, but at the moment they only added fuel to a raging fire; one that had gone out long ago but somehow burned anew in your chest. For a moment, there was nothing but hate and rage towards the person you loved the most in this world. For a moment, you feed yourself.

And it only got worse from there. You leapt clear across the room, grabbing Douxie and putting your blade to his throat. At the same time, Jim jumped down from the corner of the roof he’d been hiding in and collected Archie and Merlin, holding them at bay. Out of all the things you’d been through, you decided that this was probably the worst. You were so close,  _ so close _ to  _ killing him. _ To ending his life, wiping his existence from this Earth. You could see the horror on Archie’s face, and on Merlin’s, for that matter. You couldn’t see Douxie, but you could feel what he felt. Betrayal, heartbreak, and  _ fear. _ So much fear.  _ He was afraid of _ _ you. _

If you went through with this, no one would ever forgive you, and you couldn’t blame them, but their scorn would be nothing compared to what you’d do to yourself.

You were vaguely aware of your surroundings. Of Clarie and Steve getting themselves frozen, and of the ultimatum offered to Merlin.

“We propose new terms,” Bellroc said, their voice much calmer now that they were in control.

“Give us Nari, or he dies,” Skrael pointed towards you. You could hear Archie yowling, Merlin yelling something and Douxie  _ apologizing. _ In any other situation, you would wonder what he was apologizing for. Was it for trusting you? For what, in his opinion, must've been failing his mentor and Master? You had so many questions, but the answers didn’t matter. You weren’t in any other situation. You were there, in the Order’s castle faced with an ultimatum of your own. Kill Douxie, the love of your life and the person you trusted more than anything, or fight to save him. The answer to that question was clear. You closed your eyes. 

The visions didn’t stop. You tried to stop everything your body was doing, to drop your sword and free him, but you couldn’t seem to let go. You bit your lip, tearing your skin with the effort, tears already coming to your eyes.

That’s when it started to hurt. 

Excruciating, agonizing white-hot pain spread across your body from deep inside your core. You’d been hurt before, hell, you’d been tortured not much earlier, but this was beyond anything you had ever suffered through. You dug your nails into Douxie’s shoulder, whimpering, slightly. Your hand was clenched around the hilt of your blade, knuckles white, hands shaking. It was all you could do to keep from screaming. Your entire body felt like it was burning and freezing all at once. The smell of blood and acid hung in the air. The taste of metal stung your mouth. Your muscles seized and relaxed in waves. Tears collected in the corners of your eyes as your poor body battled against itself. You strained against yourself, whispering apologies into the back of Douxie’s hoodie. Your words, however, twisted into a mixed groan and scream. Your mind went blank, and for a moment, you were nothing. 

The world was a void. A painful,  _ painful  _ void. You couldn’t focus on anything. You ignored Merlin, his fight for Douxie’s life and his escape from Jim. You paid no mind to the blasts of green magic and Bellroc’s frustrated screaming. You couldn’t give any of it a second thought. Instead, you kept going, locked in a battle of your own. You had to keep breathing through the pain, to take back control. And Douxie noticed.

“(Y/N),” his voice was low, and maybe a little broken, “(Y/N), I know you’re in there. You don’t want to do this, you won’t- you can fight this. You  _ have  _ to fight this. Please, come back to me. _ ” _

A gasp escaped you as the pain heightened, reaching a brand new peak. You were 90% sure you were about to die. You dropped your sword, and stumbled back, falling away from your wizard. 

For a second, there was nothing. Then you opened your eyes.

And you felt everything.

For that second, for that one moment, you felt the world sink into place. The pain was gone, and you didn’t want to kill any of your loved ones, and you were okay. All you saw were hazel eyes. It was all you needed to see.

But it was just a moment. It didn’t last. You felt a tug somewhere in you, within your magic, and you turned just in time to watch Merlin get stabbed. 

You’d never been close to the old wizard. It was just how things turned out. You were a spy and traitor and he was, well, Merlin. There weren’t too many opportunities for bonding between you. But you had to admit to yourself, you did care for the old fool. He’d taken you on as an apprentice all those years ago, and even if you didn’t count it as a ‘real’ apprenticeship, it was. He taught you about a side of magic you’d never known before, and for that, you had to be thankful. And Douxie. Oh, god, Douxie. You knew how much the old wizard meant to him. Merlin was his teacher, his mentor, the man who’d saved his life all those years ago and, in a sense, saved yours. Almost a thousand years ago, Merlin had bonded you to that boy and given you the best thing in your life. The two of you had your differences, but you would be forever in his debt.

Which is why you screamed as the blade tore through him. You found yourself reaching out as he was thrown back to the earth, as if you could do anything to stop it. You felt yourself go numb. Douxie had a slightly more emotional reaction.

You braced yourself against a storm of blue magic, radiating from your wizard. You stood, still as stone, while Jim, the Order, the Knight and Morgana (who’d joined the party at the most dramatic time possible) were blown back. As soon as they were out of commission, you grabbed Archie, scooping the familiar into your arms. In any other situation, the cat would have been fine with this, but at that moment, he struggled. Archie frantically tried to escape your hold, motivated by an intense drive to get to Douxie’s side, to support him in whatever way he could. You felt the same way. 

You took a step towards your wizard, but before you could get to him, he turned. His eyes were glowing. Blue. He yelled for you to run, to get away from there, but you were frozen in place by a force you couldn’t name. The difference in his magic, in his  _ soul _ , could not go unnoticed. He was stronger, somehow, and it stopped you. The light behind his eyes sent a shock through your system. Douxie was never one to use offensive spells on you outside of a full-on fight, but he was out of time and out of options. He threw you and Archie towards the others, calling out another “Get out of here!” before breaking a window and flying out of it. You didn’t even have time to process that. You just did as you were told, jumping through a shadow portal without a second thought. 

Earth was colder than you remembered it. 

But then again, maybe that was just a side-effect of travelling by shadow portal.

The most likely option, though, was that it had something to do with the scene before you.

Merlin was on the ground. He looked smaller, weaker than you’d ever seen him before. That thought on its own was horrifying. Merlin was the  _ definitive  _ master wizard. He was the strongest of your kind, your leader, in a sense. He was everything a good wizard was supposed to be. And you could feel him dying.

You weren’t the only one.

“-Hold still. I can fix this, I-I-I can fix this-”

I can fix this.

_ I can fix this. _

You’d heard that one before. 

You’d heard that one a lot, actually. If Douxie had a catchphrase outside of kid-friendly swears, it would probably be “I can fix this.”

He was always so determined to keep everyone safe and to prove himself. Every mess he found himself in, he’d insist that he could fix it. He could fix time. He could fix your broken heart. He could fix the world one day if he wanted to.

But you weren’t sure he could actually fix this. 

You took a small step forward, releasing Archie from your hold. Douxie said nothing, at least not to you. He kept repeating those words, over and over again. You could hear him start to lose hope.

“Douxie-”

“(Y/N), help me,  _ please.  _ You have to help me save him- we can fix this. I can-”

“Stop, Hisirdoux,” Merlin’s voice brought your attention back to him, “No one can. Do not blame yourself.”

You took a few more steps forward before kneeling at Merlin’s other side. The part of you that was trained in medicine, a part of you that you were almost surprised to still possess after today, took in Merlin’s injuries. You hated to admit it, but he was right. There was no hope here. Dread settled in your stomach as you realized these wounds, and therefore this death, were, in some way, your fault.

“I’m sorry. I should have listened to-” you stole a quick glance at Douxie. He was doing as well as one might expect.

“No, no. I’m sorry,” the old wizard winced and you put a hand on his shoulder, using what little power you had left to ease his pain. It would not save him, but it might make passing a little more peaceful. He nodded at you, the most approval you’d ever received from the old man, before he continued, “I spent a lifetime serving the wrong master, trying to save this world.”

“You can’t! You’re Merlin, the greatest wizard of all time!” Douxie collapsed onto Merlin, and you could tell from the small tremors that ran through him that he was crying. The old wizard put a hand on his back, trying to comfort him. You felt tears spring to your own eyes. You could feel his pain. You’d known it yourself, centuries ago. Merlin offered a hand to you. You took it.

“Merlin- master, I’m so sorry,” you were only whispering, but you know he heard. They both did.

“I saw a glimmer of greatness, of what you could become,” he moved his hand to Douxie’s face, “And the greatest thing I ever accomplished was saving you,” he brought the hand holding yours to hold Douxie’s. You felt your wizard take a shaky breath.

“I’ll try and make you proud.”

“You already have… son.”

And he was gone. Merlin was… gone.

You hadn’t realized you were crying until then.

“No, no, no, you can’t go!” you pulled back as your wizard cried out, your hands covering your mouth, catching your tears as he pulled his mentor closer to him. His voice lowered to a whisper, “No, please. I’m not ready.”

And then Merlin was ash, dust in the wind, a pattern dispersed.

“Douxie, I’m so sorry,” Claire said as she, Steve and Archie crossed the clearing you’d landed in. Claire went to Douxie’s side, Steve went to yours. It wasn’t much, but it was  _ some _ comfort in this uncertain world.

“I-I can’t believe he’s gone,” Archie nudged a little closer to Douxie as he spoke. 

And he was right. With a final gust of wind, Merlin left you, leaving behind a thick, leather-bound book. His grimoire. Your last hope.

“What is that?” Steve asked as Douxie picked up the book, clutching it to his chest.

“It’s all we have left to guide us,” he stood, “Other than that… we’re on our own.”

He was right. You were more alone than you realized. More than you had been for the last few hundred years.


	23. Dragon's Den

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw for fighting and self imposed self sacrifice

In all honesty, you had no idea what to think anymore. Merlin was dead and it was kind of your fault. Douxie couldn’t bear to look at you, but this was the first time in decades where you could look at him without murderous intent. The curse that made you an assassin was broken, which, out of all these things, you could live with. Considering everything you had to lose, that damn curse was something you were glad to be rid of.

But at what cost?

When Merlin passed, he took the bond between you and Douxie with him. You could no longer feel your wizard’s pain, and he couldn’t feel yours. Surrounded by people or otherwise, you were well and truly alone now.

You couldn’t hear anything. The world was silent except for the ringing in your ears. You could just make out the kids saying a few words about Merlin and Douxie doing the same, but your hearing didn’t come back to you for a minute and a half. You were trapped in a high-pitched hell of your own making, a world where you felt nothing, heard nothing. You couldn't speak. Your words died in your throat with any attempt. The air smelled like fire, like flame and ash and everything that could destroy you. Grass burned away somewhere and you couldn’t tell if it was in your head, or if something was actually burning.

It took Douxie sinking to the ground for your hell-scape to fade.

“We’ll get through this, together. We need you, Doux. Now more than ever. The world, our friends are in danger,” Claire’s voice hit you like a ton of bricks. It wasn’t her fault, it was just a reminder that everything you loved, everything you’d ever fought for was now at risk, and it was partially your fault. 

“And the Order’s about to kick off an arcane apocalypse.”

Douxie sighed, taking Merlin’s grimoire from the sorceress and opening it to a random page, “Merlin didn’t tell me anything, and of course, he gave us a book that I can’t even read.”

The rest of his words were lost on you as a different idea began to form. You were facing a major threat with the Arcane Order, and you’d just lost your best asset. What if there was a way to bring him back? You racked your mind, trying to remember which spell, if any, could solve that little problem. Steve’s sudden screaming about vampires was a bit distracting, but then it clicked. 

You were, for all intents and purposes, useless in this adventure. You’d been feeling unnecessary for a while if you were honest. Ever since the Order took you, things had been different. The world around you moved as if it was scripted. The people around you were simply playing a part in something that you didn’t have much of a role in. Yes, you were the team’s doctor, but there was more than one healer in Arcadia. Besides, it wasn’t like you’d been doing much healing lately. You couldn’t help Jim, you couldn’t save Merlin, and everything felt utterly hopeless.

But you could fix that now. You could make up for all of your mistakes and all of your failures. You could make up for everything you couldn’t save. And if it all went right, then maybe… maybe Douxie wouldn’t have to grieve anymore. You just had to get your wizard on board, which, in your incorrect opinion, wouldn’t be difficult at all. You had, after all, played a large role in the death of his father figure; a role that involved threatening his life. As soon as you told him your plan, he’d say yes, and as soon as he said yes, you’d do it. You’d trade your life for Merlin’s.

Douxie, though slightly preoccupied with thoughts of Charlemagne the Devourer, was not on board with that. At all. You’d waited until all talk of the dragon quest had finished and until Steve had been portaled away to bring up your little plan. Claire, bless her soul, decided to give you two a moment of privacy. I don’t assume she expected Douxie to start yelling, but to her credit, she stayed out of it when he did. Maybe you shouldn’t have opened with, “You aren’t going to like this.”

But you did. You fool.

Douxie, in response, had raised an eyebrow. He almost took a step back, but considering you had at least five minutes to kill him and you hadn’t moved at all in that time, he decided that an abundance of caution may not be necessary, “What is it?”

“I… I have a way to bring Merlin back.”

“That- it takes a  _ lot _ of dark magic to bring someone back from the dead, love. It rarely ends well.”

“I know. But this- it should work. I know that now is not the best time, but I need you to trust me on this.”

Your wizard took you in for a moment. In general terms, you looked a little worse for wear. You seemed tired, which no one could blame you for. You’d fought off a major possession spell and lost your bond in the span of a few minutes. You had every right to be exhausted. Douxie thought you looked beautiful. He always did.

And he’d always trust you.

“Okay. What are you going to do?”

He almost couldn’t hear you when you whispered, “I’ll trade his life for mine.”

“Excuse me?”

A little louder, “I’ll trade his life for mine, Doux.”

There was a moment of silence. A moment of shock. You thought he was considering it. He was wondering how you could.

“Douxie-” you raised a hand in a half-baked attempt to reach him. Your wizard pulled back.

“No.”

“What-?”

“No, I’m not letting you do that to yourself.”

“Douxie, Merlin can help you much more than I can.”

“I’m  _ not _ letting you do that.”

“You can’t control what I do!”

“Watch me!” you stumbled back slightly, taken aback by the harsh tone of his words. You weren’t sure how long it had been since he’d last spoken to you like that, since that outraged expression covered his face. How long had it been, you wondered, in some far off part of your mind, how long had it been since he  _ despised you? _

He didn’t, but that split second of wondering was enough to scare you, and enough to make you lash out, “Watch you? Watch you, what, control me like the Order did?!”

It took him a moment to speak again, and once he did, he sounded much calmer. You were almost sure that it was a façad, “(Y/N), that isn’t fair-”

Those few words, the old adage of “this isn’t fair” broke something in you. In short, you lost your shit, “That isn’t fair!? Well, neither is this! You get to run off, throw yourself directly into danger’s path and leave the rest of us behind! And what are we supposed to do? Research? Research what, how to cure a magic stone to the chest!? I don’t think Google has the answers for that one,  _ Douxie. _ I didn’t, and  _ I’m _ supposed to be a doctor, I-”

“(Y/N), it’s important-”

“It’s pointless! This is all pointless. You don’t need six people doing  _ research.” _

“But I  _ need  _ the people we have to fight off the Order, so how about  _ you don’t go and get yourself killed!” _

“How about I  _ go _ and bring back someone who  _ can help you?!  _ That’s enough, isn’t it!?”

“Why can’t  _ you _ help me!?”

_ “BECAUSE I CAN’T HELP ANYONE!” _

Your outburst froze everyone around you. Claire, Archie, Douxie, all three just stopped. The air around you felt a few degrees colder. None of this stopped you.

“I can’t help anyone. I-I almost killed you, and I  _ did _ get Merlin killed. I couldn’t help Jim, I can’t- I can’t-” you took a shaky breath, “... I’m supposed to be a doctor, Douxie. I-I’ve studied medicine for  _ centuries, _ and I still can’t save anyone. Just… just let me save him.”

Silence hung in the air for another minute, maybe more. You’d lost track of time, in all honesty. An unspoken tension hung in the air. Douxie took another look at you, a closer one. He realized now that you were more than tired. You were  _ haunted;  _ haunted and utterly broken by the hell you’d been through. 

Archie and Claire took a step back. And then another. They sensed that this was something you and your mans needed to sort out. Their sense was correct.

As Douxie moved towards you, you continued on, “I know you, Douxie, I  _ know  _ you can fix this, but you can’t do this alone. Merlin… he can help you more than I can.”

Your wizard was now close enough to touch. Without thinking, you moved your hands to rest on his shoulders. Your touch was soft and you were relieved as hell when he didn’t flinch away from you.

When you met his eyes, the anger that twisted his features a moment ago and the rage that lay beneath the surface was long gone. A mix of deep sorrow and  _ adoration,  _ of all things, took its place.

He raised a hand to your cheek, his fingers gently brushing over your skin. You relaxed, almost completely, at his touch. Pulling you closer to him, he spoke, his voice soft as the sun’s first light, which lit the world around you, “(Y/N) (L/N), there is  _ no one _ else I’d rather have helping me than you. You’ve saved my life so many times, love, more times than you’ve almost ended it. You’re crazy smart and stupidly brave, and you’re  _ my doctor. _ My field medic, my surgeon. You’re better than any medical advice Google has to give. Darling, I love nothing in the world so well as you, so, just… stay alive until I get back, ok? Don’t- don’t make any rash decisions,  _ please, _ (Y/N). I love you.”

Your words had left you on your own, so all you could really do was nod. Despite your anger at the unfairness of the situation, at your stubborn wizard and his heroic nature, you nodded. Douxie took that as a yes, which it was, more than anything else. He wrapped his arms around you and kissed your forehead before running off with Archie to go visit another dragon. The familiar cast you an apologetic glance before he left; a look that almost said, “I’ll watch over him, I promise.” Whatever Archie meant to convey, a look was just a look. You could only hope that’s what he meant as you watched the shape of the magic ship grow smaller in the sky. 

Claire, who you’d almost forgotten was present, put a hand on your shoulder in an attempt to provide some comfort. It was appreciated, though it was also ineffective.

“They’ll be fine, I’m sure of it.”

“I… I know. They always are.”

You lingered for a moment longer before following Claire into a shadow portal. 

The backroom of Hex Tech was everything you’d expected it to be. It was the perfect place for hedge witches to practice their craft and experiment with different materials. If the situation had not been so dire, you would have appreciated it more. For the moment, though, you stood in a corner, biting your lip, ignoring everything that was going on around you, and thinking about Douxie. 

You’d been separated before. Of course, you had. You’d spent centuries apart back in the day, lucky to even see each other once in a hundred years. But back then… Back then it was different. Back then, you could  _ feel _ if he was hurt, and you, a fool, had taken it for granted. Now you were lost. Lost in a world that suddenly felt much bigger and much emptier. The feeling of isolation was overwhelming.

You were shaken from your gloomy stupor when a green light lit up the room. Nari. She was, as far as you could tell, looking for Jim. Your eyes travelled across the floor and up the walls, tracing the shining vines across the room. The air burned with magic, and you felt something move across you, though it did not move across your skin. No, it was much deeper than that. You were 95% sure Nari had just touched your soul. Knowing that you felt a little bit like Jell-O and suddenly, your mind was racing with questions about what souls felt like.

Nari, mercifully, cut you off, “My roots extend across the Earth, but I cannot find the soul of your friend.”

“So all that’s left of Jimbo is that  _ beast?” _

“I won’t accept that. If we can’t find his soul in  _ this _ world, I’ll find it in another. I’m going into the shadow realm.”

Your friends' voices caught your attention and you could not hold back a sigh. Their grief and anger was understandable in every sense of the word, but messing with the shadow realm was never the best plan. It was even worse now, actually, especially considering the fact that Morgana had somehow continued to live. All this madness and yet, Douxie was concerned  _ you _ were the member of the group most likely to run towards danger.

He was right, of course, but he probably shouldn’t have said anything because now you were hellbent on doing the opposite of what he asked you to do. Douxie probably shouldn’t have asked his significant other not to do anything stupid while he went off to visit with a possibly dangerous dragon. It was a bit of an oopsie, on his part.

An oopsie that led to you driving the plot.

“Claire, you mustn't! With Morgana back, that dimension is no longer safe!” exclaimed Blinky, the soon-to-be-ignored voice of reason.

“Blinky has a point, but-!” you said, moving from your corner for the first time in a while, “I think you should go.”

“What!? (Y/N), how can you be on board with this!?” you could tell from his voice that the voice of reason was slowly losing his sanity.

“Look, we don’t know what the hell’s out there right now. I just think it’s better to check every option before we abandon our boy.”

“I-!”

Neither of you had any time to continue your argument. Claire had made up her mind, and fortunately, she sided with you, “I can’t abandon him. Jim was turned by dark magic, so I’ll save him with my own.”

As Claire set off into a shadow portal, the gang wished her luck. You yourself gave her a, “You got this!” but your mind was elsewhere. While the rest were distracted, you slipped out of the room.

Finding the bathroom in HexTech without someone seeing you was a task and a half, but you somehow managed. Sneak 100 I guess. Once you found what you were looking for, you slipped inside and locked the door behind you. 

A few stalls sat against one wall, their blue paint chipping away. Each and every door was open. You were alone. You crossed the black tile floor to stand before a row of sinks and mirrors look up at your reflection. A messy and tired visage stared back through the glass. Your hair was a disaster and deep bags lounged under your bloodshot eyes. You tried to remember if you had cried today. Probably. If you hadn’t yet, you were definitely going to start now.

You braced yourself against the counter, hands on either side of a stainless steel sink. You bowed your head, eyes screwing closed as hot tears burned through them. You didn’t want to look at the thing in the mirror anymore. You didn’t want to watch as tears streaked down and across your face. You didn’t want to see the fear in your eyes.

And you knew there was a way to avoid that. A way that was better, really, for everyone. You had everything you needed. You could do what had to be done.

Your lungs spasmed and a sob ripped itself from your throat when you thought about it. The sobs kept coming as you considered things, your breath coming hard and fast and it  _ hurt. _ You nearly doubled over, gripping the counter much harder than before. You wanted to scream. But you didn’t know if you wanted to make that final trade. Not anymore.

Maybe Merlin was a stronger wizard. Maybe he was wiser and more experienced than you, but  _ you? _ You were a  _ doctor. _ A field medic, a surgeon. A flawed one, mayhaps. You hadn’t been able to help Jim, after all, but shit, you couldn’t have all the answers. And hey, Merlin fricking Ambrosious didn’t have a cure for that either, so maybe you weren’t so awful at your job. 

And fucking hell, you were much  _ more  _ than your job. You were also crazy smart and stupidly brave, a badass with an incomparable sense of humour, and wit for days. You were good with a sword, and magic, and you were one hell of a bitch. It was on top of all that, that you were a healer. 

And on top of  _ that _ , you were loved. You were loved so much by the dumb kids you looked out for, and by their families for looking out for them. You were loved by the creatures you protected and by the people you saved. You were loved by old friends and new ones, and the universe itself. 

And Douxie? You heard him. He loves nothing in the world so well as you. That’s pretty special, isn’t it?

You decided that it was, in fact, pretty damn special to be so loved (on top of being  _ that bitch _ .) You looked in the mirror again and saw more than a mess. You saw you. You, who would not bend to the weight of the situation, and who deserved a better situation than a world-ending crisis. But someone had to deal with it, and Douxie, your default leader, wasn’t around at that moment, so that left you. The doctor. It was fucking  _ go time. _

You threw some cold water at your face, did  _ something  _ about your hair, and left the washroom looking like a  _ god. _ The one witch assigned to lock up the building noticed you leaving and had no fucking clue what you did in the washroom but did know that you looked awesome walking away from it. She was a little scared but also impressed. Good for you.

You all but kicked down the door to the backroom. You were combating your sad emotions with confidence and self-love, and that meant kicking down doors sometimes. You didn’t actually, though, you didn’t want Zoe to kill you, but you did take charge of the room, which was kind of necessary since everyone was still waiting around for Claire to get back.

“Ok, come on guys. I know this is fucking batshit crazy town banana pants, but we need to focus up. Let’s find something to get Jim back.”

“But Claire-”

“I know. I know that she’s gone off to do something dangerous and left us behind, but Claire knows what she’s doing. She knows the shadow realm. We’ll watch the portal and make sure it stays open, but we can’t do much more than that. For now, let’s do what we can to help her if this falls through. Krel, you’re with Blinky, Toby, with me, and Steve you’re with Nari and Arrrgh. It’s time, boys, let’s research this bitch.”

And research that bitch you did. Kind of. To be fair, there wasn’t much on the interwebs, and things devolved to theory making pretty fast, but between the trolls, the nature goddess, the centuries-old doctor, the genius alien teen, and the original worldviews of the other, human teens, there was a lot to theorize about. The vast amount of Arcane knowledge in the room probably outmatched Google anyway.

Honestly, you thought you were getting somewhere when Claire dropped back in. You were so invested in your theory that you could only spare a, “Hey.” That’s when you noticed the ancient sorceress at the young girl’s side.

“Oh shit!”

Toby let out a scream of, “Evil lady!” and you heard, “Great Gaylen!” and “Queen of Darkness!” from Krel and Blinky, respectively. 

You’d grabbed your sword before Blinky even had the chance to say, “Compatriots, to arms!” 

However, Claire stopped you before you could take a swing, “Stop! You’ve got it wrong, she’s not the enemy!”

And before you could ask any questions, the building began to shake. You were kind of getting tired of things being cut off. Morgana was just tired.

“They followed me.”

No one else said anything, probably out of fear that someone would say something else before them. Instead, your tiny gang ran to the front of the now-empty store. Outside the window, just beyond the glass floated the castle of the Arcane Order. It was a sight that would normally fill you with dread.

Today, it filled you with anger.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading, if you liked it, please interact with it somehow, or check out my tumble @ alovesongshewrote ! I'm generally funnier there! (Also, i reblog a lot of cottagecore stuff)


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